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Bullies in Middle School
Hi Friends...Im frustrated and a bit angry my youngest child had yet another bad day at school was called fat ...fatty and things I cant write on here...he is a bit chubby..many in his school are some alot chubbier than him...His problem is he allows hem to bullie him he shys away...Ive tole him to say something back like yeah I might be chubby but Im not stupid and ugly like you...or arent you a little old to talk so mean and immature to people...grow up....I want to go talk to his principal hes afraid then he will be known as a rat fink and get picked on worse..
He is so sad it breks my heart.....his Dad of corse told him hes gonna have to kick some a&& if thats what has tyo happen and he gets suspended we of corse wouldnt punish him...hes 12....I dont know what to do its such an inbetween age......I was never bulllied...where any of you??? or your kids ? any good advice will be appreciated..thanks Cherie...and David thanks you too,.,,,he was crying about this today and I had to let him know hes not to big to cry its ok to cry and grown men cry too......HELP
He is so sad it breks my heart.....his Dad of corse told him hes gonna have to kick some a&& if thats what has tyo happen and he gets suspended we of corse wouldnt punish him...hes 12....I dont know what to do its such an inbetween age......I was never bulllied...where any of you??? or your kids ? any good advice will be appreciated..thanks Cherie...and David thanks you too,.,,,he was crying about this today and I had to let him know hes not to big to cry its ok to cry and grown men cry too......HELP
Yes my mother was a junior high school teacher as well throughout her life until she retired a decade ago. The same kids who were bullies started up hostilities and pranks some of which bordered on destructive towards the teachers as well. They had no respect for anyone. There were two solutions. First of all to have the issue addressed on a schoolwide level. Secondly, in the way she dealt with the kids that were troublemakers towards the teachers or bullying the other kids was not to emotionally react. Google "negative attention seeking behavior". That's what they want. If they are physically violent that's one thing. But if not they are best ignored. If they are screamed at and get a trip to the principal's office then that made their day. And I've seen kids who were physically disciplined (outside of school) who still never learned self control. Learning self control is the main issue. To take a common phrase in dealing with bullies "speak softly and carry a big stick". If the kids decide to have a "show down" with the bullies they've just wasted needless time with ego gratification with a bunch of pathological losers. They will either grow out of it, need help with issues of their own or will be nobodies in life. Don't give them the importance they don't deserve.
MJ, your story brought back a memory for me. In spades. You're so right.
I was a small girl, and an air force brat, and my dad retired and moved to Austin from the northeast. MAN the girls here in Texas were big! I was a little 6th grader girl, and somehow got crosswise with a big classmate. So one day one of these big girls challenged me to a fight after school (I really can't remember why, I didn't pick fights, but anyway). So I was terrified. I ran home as FAST AS I COULD, from the back door. I just lit out and beat the 3 minute mile on the way home, breathless in terror.
Next day in class I stood up to her and said HEY, I WAITED FOR YOU OUTSIDE FOR THE FIGHT AND YOU DIDN'T SHOW!! (I tried to act really hostile and bold).
Unbelievably, she stammered and said can we just call a truce?
I couldn't believe it, and almost can't now. She didn't show up either, obviously. She was afraid of fighting me. Afraid of fighting ME.
I guess sometimes all you have to do is stomp at chihuahuas, and they run off yelping.
I was a small girl, and an air force brat, and my dad retired and moved to Austin from the northeast. MAN the girls here in Texas were big! I was a little 6th grader girl, and somehow got crosswise with a big classmate. So one day one of these big girls challenged me to a fight after school (I really can't remember why, I didn't pick fights, but anyway). So I was terrified. I ran home as FAST AS I COULD, from the back door. I just lit out and beat the 3 minute mile on the way home, breathless in terror.
Next day in class I stood up to her and said HEY, I WAITED FOR YOU OUTSIDE FOR THE FIGHT AND YOU DIDN'T SHOW!! (I tried to act really hostile and bold).
Unbelievably, she stammered and said can we just call a truce?
I couldn't believe it, and almost can't now. She didn't show up either, obviously. She was afraid of fighting me. Afraid of fighting ME.
I guess sometimes all you have to do is stomp at chihuahuas, and they run off yelping.
Im so sorry cherie to hear he is having so much trouble it breaks my heart, everything i could suggest i know you have done already.
Love to you Brooke xoxoxox
Love to you Brooke xoxoxox
Stories of people bullying others make me sad. It seems so animal like... Can't people do better than that?
I agree with jollyman069's statement about bullies being cowards... To put down another human, means they must be very insecure themselves...
Self confidence is the best way to combat bullies. If one can be confident in themself for who they are, then the bullies can't persist. After all they are looking for a reaction. That's what they crave. I agree with contacting the school and letting the admins know.
I remember in Middle school, one of the main things that came up was one of my friends. I happened to have a friend who was a boy, so naturally they wanted to pull out all the boyfriend/girlfriend teases... I responded, "Yeah he's my friend. Not a boyfriend, but a friend." It seemed after a while they quit pestering me about it.
But on his side, it was a lot uglier... They slapped his books out in front of one of the assistant teachers. Thankfully he saw it and he was a tough guy. He opened the first half of the class about bullying and how cruel it is.
What did my friend do differently that I didn't do?
He let the teasing gett to him. When they teased him aboutme being a supposed girlfriend, he got angry and it showed. They wanted that anger. I didn't give it to them.
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My sister also got picked on a lot for being overweight. That was very rough on her. One time I happened to ride my bike and one of the kids was teasing me saying c-rap about my sister.
I replied back, "You think you're so cool?"
Her answer (with a smug nod) "Uh hmm"
Me: "Not really. You'll see." Then I left.
She never bothered me again. I think I may have seen her one other time after that. She said, "Hi." and that was it. Really the bully fears is confidence. Show confidence to a bully and they feel weak.
I agree with jollyman069's statement about bullies being cowards... To put down another human, means they must be very insecure themselves...
Self confidence is the best way to combat bullies. If one can be confident in themself for who they are, then the bullies can't persist. After all they are looking for a reaction. That's what they crave. I agree with contacting the school and letting the admins know.
I remember in Middle school, one of the main things that came up was one of my friends. I happened to have a friend who was a boy, so naturally they wanted to pull out all the boyfriend/girlfriend teases... I responded, "Yeah he's my friend. Not a boyfriend, but a friend." It seemed after a while they quit pestering me about it.
But on his side, it was a lot uglier... They slapped his books out in front of one of the assistant teachers. Thankfully he saw it and he was a tough guy. He opened the first half of the class about bullying and how cruel it is.
What did my friend do differently that I didn't do?
He let the teasing gett to him. When they teased him aboutme being a supposed girlfriend, he got angry and it showed. They wanted that anger. I didn't give it to them.
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My sister also got picked on a lot for being overweight. That was very rough on her. One time I happened to ride my bike and one of the kids was teasing me saying c-rap about my sister.
I replied back, "You think you're so cool?"
Her answer (with a smug nod) "Uh hmm"
Me: "Not really. You'll see." Then I left.
She never bothered me again. I think I may have seen her one other time after that. She said, "Hi." and that was it. Really the bully fears is confidence. Show confidence to a bully and they feel weak.
Plateletgal that was a good point. Actually if your child has a disability then there is room for parent action but not directly to the bullies I would agree. The general course of action is the parent speaks to the school guidance counselor or principal and they handle it. But disability awareness is part of many health education curriculums and for others that can be changed. And it doesn't have to be in a manner that is antagonistic about what is the right language to use, etc. but in a positive manner as in accepting other children of all backgrounds but having a disability is not a controversial issue. I know because my cousin has Rett's Syndrome, a severe developmental disability and can't speak. She is in some of the same classes as other children. My uncle has worked with the teachers so that the other students are educated and they all get along well with her, even into junior high school years and she is far below them in intellect and ability to communicate.
I can't say I had any "revenge" on the students who picked on me. I do know that some of the kids who were picked on because of their disabilities as "nerds" had their photos published in the local newspaper when they got married and had a successful career years later to prove a point. I just moved on. I don't focus on the past. What did happen was that a friend of mine who was a year behind me in high school said the letter I wrote to the school paper was read to the school health class as an example of "feeling good about yourself" but more importantly after I wrote the school about incorporating mental health awareness into the curriculum they did. Children who have disabilities and especially those in special education have always gotten picked on but that is being changed. Why not be a part of that? Not all of these children could defend themselves if they wanted to.
And there's nothing wrong with learning self defense such as karate. It does help with the way a child carries themselves in a more assertive manner and keeps them from being bullied in the first place. Bullies thrive on fear. Some are actually not that strong. The point is not to make their day. That lesson carries over into all of life as in assertiveness training. I wish I had learned that skill years ago.
I can't say I had any "revenge" on the students who picked on me. I do know that some of the kids who were picked on because of their disabilities as "nerds" had their photos published in the local newspaper when they got married and had a successful career years later to prove a point. I just moved on. I don't focus on the past. What did happen was that a friend of mine who was a year behind me in high school said the letter I wrote to the school paper was read to the school health class as an example of "feeling good about yourself" but more importantly after I wrote the school about incorporating mental health awareness into the curriculum they did. Children who have disabilities and especially those in special education have always gotten picked on but that is being changed. Why not be a part of that? Not all of these children could defend themselves if they wanted to.
And there's nothing wrong with learning self defense such as karate. It does help with the way a child carries themselves in a more assertive manner and keeps them from being bullied in the first place. Bullies thrive on fear. Some are actually not that strong. The point is not to make their day. That lesson carries over into all of life as in assertiveness training. I wish I had learned that skill years ago.
Hi.....I've been a middle school teacher for a lot of years. I agree with swampy.....mostly.
When you talk to the school...be discreet. If the kids (including yours) don't know you were there it's easier for the principal (or teacher, coach, etc) to address the issue without making your son more of a target.
A student I had long ago comes to mind.....""Joe" had been bullied all through elementary school by some older boys. When he got to 7th grade it started again. He reacted, ignored, told adults.....all the right things. The school tried to stop the bullies but they are sneaky at what they do. On day on the bus "Joe" took action.....he spit on the bully. "Joe" got kicked off the bus for 2 wks....and the bully finally left him alone.
The school is never going to tell you (or your son) to retaliate....even if they think the bully deserves to get his a** kicked. But sometimes a guy just has to fight back....even if he has to walk to school for 2 weeks.
When you talk to the school...be discreet. If the kids (including yours) don't know you were there it's easier for the principal (or teacher, coach, etc) to address the issue without making your son more of a target.
A student I had long ago comes to mind.....""Joe" had been bullied all through elementary school by some older boys. When he got to 7th grade it started again. He reacted, ignored, told adults.....all the right things. The school tried to stop the bullies but they are sneaky at what they do. On day on the bus "Joe" took action.....he spit on the bully. "Joe" got kicked off the bus for 2 wks....and the bully finally left him alone.
The school is never going to tell you (or your son) to retaliate....even if they think the bully deserves to get his a** kicked. But sometimes a guy just has to fight back....even if he has to walk to school for 2 weeks.
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