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Bullying in Schools
Listening to the radio this morning I heard about a15 year old commited suicide because of bullying ..in thisschool and I guess most they have 'zero tolerance' meaning they cannot fight back with bullying, we wre told years ago in England you stood up to a bully, how can you if its not allowed what does a child do just 'Take It' Mant of you have children who are going through this or will be , what will you do if your child is at risk from Bullies and they are not allowed to retaliate?
Well getting back to the initial subject...
I'm not sure if any of you have heard about a situation at a local highschool in my area on the news. It is a case of alleged bullying that took place by Carmel Highschool students in Carmel Indiana.It alleges that 4 senior basketball players did some sort of bullying/sexual battery to some freshman students on a bus . There were 4 coaches on this bus at the time this was suppose to have happened.This is being kept very hush hush and not alot of info is being given to the media.
Anyone heard anything about this on the news?
I'm not sure if any of you have heard about a situation at a local highschool in my area on the news. It is a case of alleged bullying that took place by Carmel Highschool students in Carmel Indiana.It alleges that 4 senior basketball players did some sort of bullying/sexual battery to some freshman students on a bus . There were 4 coaches on this bus at the time this was suppose to have happened.This is being kept very hush hush and not alot of info is being given to the media.
Anyone heard anything about this on the news?
Usually the trophy for everyone IS the younger kids. They work hard and one of their lessons is that you do not have to win to be a winner. It is actually a hard lesson to teach children . . . Kids start sports, games, really anything to win win win. But everyone can't always win. So children need to be taught that they can feel good about their efforts even if they don't win. A trophy or medal or pin is a token of effort. Everyone is a winner for trying. So in the big bad world . . . you can still feel good about your effort even if you aren't the big winner. That you see that your efforts are worth something too. That doing your best is really the most important part of everything that we do. That is actually a posative lesson for kids to learn. That is my opinion. You'll see a token of playing being given usually to younger kids early in their athletic careers. So . . . we do agree that one must work hard to earn their rewards . . . but that doesn't always mean being the big winner.
Oh, we are way off track so I am done here.
Oh, we are way off track so I am done here.
Thats exactly what this forum is for ,healthy debates...No one is right or wrong ...
I always say that opinions are like a$$holes , everybody has one....
Entitlement or a 'Sense of Entitlement' is an unrealistic, unmerited or inappropriate expectation of favorable living conditions and favorable treatment at the hands of others.They may appear at times to care only about their own desires and needs at the expense of other people around them or they may habitually prioritize their own needs above those of others.
I too was raised in a very positive, kind and respectful home. I am very self confident and also know that I am as good as every one else. I was taught that the way to reach goals was through hard work . That things are just not handed to you in life. And I would not have wanted it any other way.But I do not feel that just because I am breathing that I am entitled. I am a realist I do not see a full or an empty glass. I just see a glass.
I showed horses when I was younger. I worked my a$$ off . I was not only good at it I was fortunate to have great horses. Not everyone got ribbons and awards. The prettiest horse or the best rider recieved the awards. It is not fair to the people who win to give awards to everyone else .Why should they have to share their hard work and accomplishments with every one else?
This rewarding everyone for everything business is relatively new.My husband coached football both popwarner and highschool. They did not reward everyone. You had to work hard and earn it. Whats wrong with hard work to achieve goals?
Yes America is good at giving everything to everyone....But thats an entirely different subject....
I always say that opinions are like a$$holes , everybody has one....
Entitlement or a 'Sense of Entitlement' is an unrealistic, unmerited or inappropriate expectation of favorable living conditions and favorable treatment at the hands of others.They may appear at times to care only about their own desires and needs at the expense of other people around them or they may habitually prioritize their own needs above those of others.
I too was raised in a very positive, kind and respectful home. I am very self confident and also know that I am as good as every one else. I was taught that the way to reach goals was through hard work . That things are just not handed to you in life. And I would not have wanted it any other way.But I do not feel that just because I am breathing that I am entitled. I am a realist I do not see a full or an empty glass. I just see a glass.
I showed horses when I was younger. I worked my a$$ off . I was not only good at it I was fortunate to have great horses. Not everyone got ribbons and awards. The prettiest horse or the best rider recieved the awards. It is not fair to the people who win to give awards to everyone else .Why should they have to share their hard work and accomplishments with every one else?
This rewarding everyone for everything business is relatively new.My husband coached football both popwarner and highschool. They did not reward everyone. You had to work hard and earn it. Whats wrong with hard work to achieve goals?
Yes America is good at giving everything to everyone....But thats an entirely different subject....
I respectfully disagree that when they get out into the real world they get eaten alive, I think positive behavior in the home , respect and kindness are part of moulding them ,whats wrong with a sense of entitlement I always had one ,maybe my version of entitlement is differant , I know I am as good as anyone else, my Mom told me I was, she instilled in me that I was strong ,had integrity and kindness ,I was rewarded with words and treats, pretty much like they do here with the trophies for trying,.I see my entire life with the glass half full.My love of this country is partly that they do reward everyone for winning or for trying .I think thats what makes America the most exceptional country in the World...
I do not feel that wether I have a child or not makes me any less able to as you put it Really Get This. This is about basic life experience and our childhood molding us into adults.
It is great to give positive reinforcement when a child gives their all.Kind loving encouraging words are whats needed.Doing their best is whats really important.Thats even more reason to not give trophies to all. Giving rewards to all just makes them feel a sense of entitlement. It says heck no matter what I do I will still be rewarded. whether I actually try or not. In the real adult world we do not get prizes and trophies. We do not bonus at our jobs if we dont actually deserve it . If we do not perform well at work we get fired. Life is not all puppies and kittens. You can try to sugar coat stuff but when those kids get out into the real world they will be eaten alive by it.
It is great to give positive reinforcement when a child gives their all.Kind loving encouraging words are whats needed.Doing their best is whats really important.Thats even more reason to not give trophies to all. Giving rewards to all just makes them feel a sense of entitlement. It says heck no matter what I do I will still be rewarded. whether I actually try or not. In the real adult world we do not get prizes and trophies. We do not bonus at our jobs if we dont actually deserve it . If we do not perform well at work we get fired. Life is not all puppies and kittens. You can try to sugar coat stuff but when those kids get out into the real world they will be eaten alive by it.
Oh, and my above above post, I meant to say . . . some of the worst kind of bullying is that that does NOT entail bruises . . . like cyber bullying. That is a tricky one------- love how they keep coming up with new and improved ways of torturing people!
All just my opinion of course-------- no better nor worse than anyone elses!
All just my opinion of course-------- no better nor worse than anyone elses!
When you have a child . . . and you have to have one to really get this---------- the lesson is playing the game well not always winning. For that, all kids deserve the trophy. It is an accomplishment to be on a team and do your best.
As an Immigrant from UK when I first came to the US I wondered about the idea of rewarding children even when they didnt win a trophy, I then recognised the reason was that America has the kindest heart and a most most generous spirit ,it translated to the idea that the child would be hurt not to have some award.I do not believe this harms ,if the winner gets a big Trophy and the loser gets a small trophy for participating ,thats a good thing ,in my opinion,in fact the UK started to copy .. Not being created equal does not mean that some kind spirit of building self confidence to do well cannot exist, so I understand what you mean, I like the way of rewarding all, even if its just for trying ....
As you all will soon see I am very blunt and to the point .But I always tell the truth as I see it. People either appriciate it or hate it.
I agree that a childs home life impacts who they will become.
Emotional scars do take the longest to heal. But words are just that words. It is up to the parent to raise a child that is confident and self assured. So that the child knows that its all just a bunch of B.S. . When I was growing up I knew that I could tell my parents anything and they would not judge me. Why is it that some children are afraid to go to their own parents and discuss problems?How do parents not pick up on the fact that the child is having problems or suicidal? In my opinion it is absolutly and completely the parents fault!
I feel that this Politically Correct B.S is contributing to the problem. Why does everyone on the team deserve a trophy even if your team loses? It rewards mediocracy.It creates resentment. Dont get me wrong it is ok to lose and that does not make you any less of a person.Unfortuantly everyone cannot win and does not excel at everything.Everyone is not pretty or smart. And thats ok. We are not all created equal and thats what makes us human. Kids and actually people in general have become a bunch of rude overindulged narcissitic thin skinned wussies.
I am going to be honest here I was sort of an anti-bully bully. I would defend the kids that did not defend themselves. But after a while what actually bothered even more than the actual bullying was the kids not defending themselves. So after watching the same kids get picked on and the kids just letting it happen I decided that they needed to Nut up or deal with it. There is not always going to be some one around to defend you. You have got to learn to take care of yourself. Bullying has been going on sense the dawn of time and will continue until the end of days....Kids need to learn how to deal with it.
I agree that a childs home life impacts who they will become.
Emotional scars do take the longest to heal. But words are just that words. It is up to the parent to raise a child that is confident and self assured. So that the child knows that its all just a bunch of B.S. . When I was growing up I knew that I could tell my parents anything and they would not judge me. Why is it that some children are afraid to go to their own parents and discuss problems?How do parents not pick up on the fact that the child is having problems or suicidal? In my opinion it is absolutly and completely the parents fault!
I feel that this Politically Correct B.S is contributing to the problem. Why does everyone on the team deserve a trophy even if your team loses? It rewards mediocracy.It creates resentment. Dont get me wrong it is ok to lose and that does not make you any less of a person.Unfortuantly everyone cannot win and does not excel at everything.Everyone is not pretty or smart. And thats ok. We are not all created equal and thats what makes us human. Kids and actually people in general have become a bunch of rude overindulged narcissitic thin skinned wussies.
I am going to be honest here I was sort of an anti-bully bully. I would defend the kids that did not defend themselves. But after a while what actually bothered even more than the actual bullying was the kids not defending themselves. So after watching the same kids get picked on and the kids just letting it happen I decided that they needed to Nut up or deal with it. There is not always going to be some one around to defend you. You have got to learn to take care of yourself. Bullying has been going on sense the dawn of time and will continue until the end of days....Kids need to learn how to deal with it.
Very often if children see the family having respect for one and other they will emulate it, it will be part of their life and if there is kindness and respect at home it will follow into their school life ..I always found in my few dealings that the more disfunctional the family at home the more likely the child would hurt and bully others ..
Unfortunately bullies come in all shapes and sizes these days and a simple email address or facebook page leaves a kid open to bullying. Some of the worst kind of bullying is that that does entail external bruises but that which isolates a child. I hate that! As to those that don't respect authority . . . to me it goes back to my original point. Young children that are taught that kind of respect usually have some of it when they are teenagers. I'm sure, not always, but parental responsibility to teach it and expect it of kids has to be there. my opinion.
I was very tiny growing up . I was very short and skinny.I was taught to be strong and to defend myself no matter what. If someone did try to bully me I took care of it the first time and nipped it in the bud. Bullies do not care if a teacher tells them not to bully. Actually that makes the situation much worse. I am not talking about children who are mentally or physically challenged. But children need to be able to stand up for themselves. It is not fun for the bully when someone knocks the h*ll out of them and they will not bully you any more after that.
I do not believe in home schooling on the grounds of sheltering your child from the big bad world. The big nasty world will still be there when the child turns 18 and heads to college. Even if there is some socialisation it is not the same.You have got to learn how to get along with the masses whether you want to or not to be able to succed in life.
OMG thats awful April so scary..I like the idea of home schooling as long as the child gets some socialisation aswell, I think Families do it in Groups now for that reason at least in the UK they do ...Your posts were very interesting it shows that children of all ages and any physical differances.. ie being short or no boobs or over weight can be a target,, like the bully senses the vunerability and goes for it to obtain Kudos for then selves..Lessons in how to defeat bullies need to be taught and learned ....and parents watch that internet as cyber bullying goes on a lot.....
That's terrible what your daughter went through. I cannot believe such meanness. I don't understand it! I never was like that in school. What makes someone be like that? Ugh.
Man, you guys are making me more and more want to homeschool my youngest! I think it's so scary anymore, especially once they're in middle or high school.
We just had a 14 year old shot to death in school here today, by the way, right there at school.
Man, you guys are making me more and more want to homeschool my youngest! I think it's so scary anymore, especially once they're in middle or high school.
We just had a 14 year old shot to death in school here today, by the way, right there at school.
My daughter was bullied horrendously when she was around 11/12 years old. She is very little and was teased about that, which she made jokes back and handled well. It was when she started getting a lump in her neck that the real taunting started. Eventually, she refused to go to school. She, who was a straight A student and loved school, not wanting to go? It made me aware.
She finally admitted to me what was going on, so I spoke to her school which had a Bully Programme in place, but they did nothing. They said perhaps she should stand up for herself, and it was all hearsay anyway. That THEIR precious Catholic Girl's school would NEVER have their girl's be like that, it must be another school. (No it wasn't!) My daughter finally broke down in front of the teachers at this meeting and threatened to kill herself, they said she was being over dramatic.
I had a plan. I took her to the railway station where she was being bullied by those other girls from the same school. I told her I would pretend to leave and she would be safe. I wanted to see what was going on. I saw these girls, take her water bottle (it was summer here in Australia and HOT and a 45 minute train journey to the school) and tip it out, laughing at her. They then called her EggHead (coz she is very smart) and then told her she must have swallowed an ostrich egg and she'd never get a guy that way. I stepped out from behind the bushes, walked up to the main offender, grabbed her by her school dress lapels and said to her startled face, "You know what? You EVER do that again to my daughter or anything else to my daughter I will throw you on the train track when the express is coming, YOU HEAR ME!?"
This girl almost wet herself! She must have thought I was nuts! I would never have carried out my threat, but just wanted to show her the same fear as my daughter was going through.
A few months later we discovered my daughter had a life threatening cyst in her throat which was operated on. This gave her a scar on her throat and again the taunting started. It took 12 months of me trying to get her back to school. I threatened the school with legal action if they did not intervene and stop this bullying. They turned around and said, I hear you see a psychiatrist? (I was undiagnosed Hashimoto's and suffered depressionI asked so? They said obviously I have 'problems' and must be feeding that to my daughter. I removed her from school and put her in one 15 minutes away where she graduated with honours and never took one day off school, as she loved it so much. THAT school was totally aware of the bullying and gave her a 'buddy' to whom she could confide. That new school had mediation days and the kids all knew where they stood on the bullying which rarely happened.
I cannot believe that was 10 years ago. My daughter now 22, suffers still from self esteem problems. Why the bleeeep that first 'good school' that my then ex-husband insisted she go to, could not see what was happening amazes me. The problem is not just at the time, but often scars the child for life.
She finally admitted to me what was going on, so I spoke to her school which had a Bully Programme in place, but they did nothing. They said perhaps she should stand up for herself, and it was all hearsay anyway. That THEIR precious Catholic Girl's school would NEVER have their girl's be like that, it must be another school. (No it wasn't!) My daughter finally broke down in front of the teachers at this meeting and threatened to kill herself, they said she was being over dramatic.
I had a plan. I took her to the railway station where she was being bullied by those other girls from the same school. I told her I would pretend to leave and she would be safe. I wanted to see what was going on. I saw these girls, take her water bottle (it was summer here in Australia and HOT and a 45 minute train journey to the school) and tip it out, laughing at her. They then called her EggHead (coz she is very smart) and then told her she must have swallowed an ostrich egg and she'd never get a guy that way. I stepped out from behind the bushes, walked up to the main offender, grabbed her by her school dress lapels and said to her startled face, "You know what? You EVER do that again to my daughter or anything else to my daughter I will throw you on the train track when the express is coming, YOU HEAR ME!?"
This girl almost wet herself! She must have thought I was nuts! I would never have carried out my threat, but just wanted to show her the same fear as my daughter was going through.
A few months later we discovered my daughter had a life threatening cyst in her throat which was operated on. This gave her a scar on her throat and again the taunting started. It took 12 months of me trying to get her back to school. I threatened the school with legal action if they did not intervene and stop this bullying. They turned around and said, I hear you see a psychiatrist? (I was undiagnosed Hashimoto's and suffered depressionI asked so? They said obviously I have 'problems' and must be feeding that to my daughter. I removed her from school and put her in one 15 minutes away where she graduated with honours and never took one day off school, as she loved it so much. THAT school was totally aware of the bullying and gave her a 'buddy' to whom she could confide. That new school had mediation days and the kids all knew where they stood on the bullying which rarely happened.
I cannot believe that was 10 years ago. My daughter now 22, suffers still from self esteem problems. Why the bleeeep that first 'good school' that my then ex-husband insisted she go to, could not see what was happening amazes me. The problem is not just at the time, but often scars the child for life.
Margy - I know you didn't mean it was to to start a fight and I didn't take it that way at all.
Mami - lol I know about teasing and being ostrasized, I was the geeky kid in school that worked with the A/V equipment and even had teachers tell me I would never amount to much. I have had the last laugh as well, Engineering became a passion and getting my degree an unstoppable goal.
Mami - lol I know about teasing and being ostrasized, I was the geeky kid in school that worked with the A/V equipment and even had teachers tell me I would never amount to much. I have had the last laugh as well, Engineering became a passion and getting my degree an unstoppable goal.
all of you have good advise
good answerr
Yeah, that's what happened with my daughter. It wasn't so much physical bullying as it was using words as a weapon. Making fun of her, mocking her, making her feel stupid. These girls used to steal her papers and cause her to get in trouble in class or steal her gym clothes and she'd get in trouble with the gym teacher. Of course, my daughter wouldn't rat on them so would most often suffer in silence.
These girls were rich and snotty and thought they were "all that". We were not rich and didn't have the name brand clothes, cars, etc. The girls were so immature then and still are! My daughter says when she sees them they still act the same way, silly, giggly, immature girls.
I'm glad my daughter is my daughter. She went through a lot but it made her stronger, gave her more compassion for the underdog and made her a better person. These girls, to my knowledge, still have not changed. How sad.
These girls were rich and snotty and thought they were "all that". We were not rich and didn't have the name brand clothes, cars, etc. The girls were so immature then and still are! My daughter says when she sees them they still act the same way, silly, giggly, immature girls.
I'm glad my daughter is my daughter. She went through a lot but it made her stronger, gave her more compassion for the underdog and made her a better person. These girls, to my knowledge, still have not changed. How sad.
Yes, making someone a social outcast (easier to spell that that other word--- lol) is a form of bullying as well. It is just as painful emotionally as the other kind of bullying. Glad you had your revenge at the reunion---- I'm still waiting for mine to grow so I can be the main attraction sometime------------ LOL
I am 100% in agreeance that if someone puts their hands on my child, I give my child full permission to fight back. I will never allow my son to taunt or torment any other kid. I was actually picked on all throughout Junior High and it was because I didn't develop breasts until I was in highschool. They used to call me flat chested all of the time. It hurt but I hurt them back when we went to a little school reunion and my boobs had developed, I was the main attraction that night. But I think bullying has gotten really bad, instead of someone beating you up for your lunch money they are socially ostrasizing (sp.?) you.
Just to make my point clear I am not advocating that any child starts a fight I am saying that if they are hit they defend themselves, as you said .....
You are so right Specialmom, we live in a rural area and the school district has one school K-12 the graduating class size is about 70. Most of the parents were involved in their kid’s activities and believed the same as we do. Walk away the best you can, don’t call people names, if someone hits you, you have the right to defend yourself. If you hit first though the wrath of Dad will be on you.
It’s amazing how good peer pressure can stop bullying.
It’s amazing how good peer pressure can stop bullying.
Totally agree with you it all starts at home with , values children are not born bullies , I have often seen that many disfunctional families, not all, have children who act out especially beating up verbally and physically on other school children ,I still feel that the bullied child needs to be taught by their parents that they have to stand up to them however they can..maybe there needs to be lessons in school about doing just that ......;..
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