765070 tn?1384869794

Funny quotes to make anyone smile

Here are just a few funny quotes that will make you laugh and brighten your days.  If you all have any, please post................

1.  "To often, we lose sight of lifes simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and b****-slap that mother.... upside the head. Pass it on... "     ? ?

2.  "Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family does too."  Anonymous

3.  "All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific. "
- Jane Wagner.

4.  "Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand."
- Unknown.

5.  "Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation. "
- Henry Kissinger.

6.  "Never stand between a dog and the hydrant."
- John Peers.

Now it is your turn..............................

7 Responses
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765070 tn?1384869794
Thank you all so much for posting these funny quotes.  I think we all need to have a good laugh every now and again.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You've probably all heard this one,

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend, and inside a dog it's too dark to read."
               Groucho Marx

"There's lies, there's damned lies, then there's statistics."
                             Mark Twain

Helpful - 0
492869 tn?1285018933
I'm not sure if made up quotes count, but my friends and I like to make up quotes sometimes.  "Life is short, eat toast!"  I don't know what it means, but I like it!  :)
Helpful - 0
681888 tn?1272922309
these are all very good lol.lol.....they did make me laugh and seldom i laugh now
thanks girls .....
Helpful - 0
541150 tn?1306033843
heh heh...I'm glad we can still amuse ourselves with games and jokes. I like this thread ;)
Helpful - 0
389974 tn?1331015242
Swampy's favorites:

1. If you own a watch, you know what time it is. If you own two, you aren't sure.

2. He who sits all day always on bottom.
Helpful - 0
365714 tn?1292199108
Those were good. Thanks.  Let's see some I found:

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

"Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much." ~ Oscar Wilde.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
-- Will Rogers

I frankly felt like the reception we received on the way in from the airport was very warm and hospitable. And I want to thank the Canadian people who came out to wave -- with all five fingers -- for their hospitality.
-- George W. Bush

Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
-- Dale Carnegie

They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.
-- Milton Berle
Helpful - 0

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