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Funny quotes to make anyone smile
Here are just a few funny quotes that will make you laugh and brighten your days. If you all have any, please post................
1. "To often, we lose sight of lifes simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and b****-slap that mother.... upside the head. Pass it on... " ? ?
2. "Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family does too." Anonymous
3. "All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific. "
- Jane Wagner.
4. "Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand."
- Unknown.
5. "Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation. "
- Henry Kissinger.
6. "Never stand between a dog and the hydrant."
- John Peers.
Now it is your turn..............................
1. "To often, we lose sight of lifes simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and b****-slap that mother.... upside the head. Pass it on... " ? ?
2. "Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family does too." Anonymous
3. "All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific. "
- Jane Wagner.
4. "Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand."
- Unknown.
5. "Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation. "
- Henry Kissinger.
6. "Never stand between a dog and the hydrant."
- John Peers.
Now it is your turn..............................
Those were good. Thanks. Let's see some I found:
Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
"Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much." ~ Oscar Wilde.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
-- Will Rogers
I frankly felt like the reception we received on the way in from the airport was very warm and hospitable. And I want to thank the Canadian people who came out to wave -- with all five fingers -- for their hospitality.
-- George W. Bush
Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
-- Dale Carnegie
They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.
-- Milton Berle
Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
"Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much." ~ Oscar Wilde.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
-- Will Rogers
I frankly felt like the reception we received on the way in from the airport was very warm and hospitable. And I want to thank the Canadian people who came out to wave -- with all five fingers -- for their hospitality.
-- George W. Bush
Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
-- Dale Carnegie
They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.
-- Milton Berle
Swampy's favorites:
1. If you own a watch, you know what time it is. If you own two, you aren't sure.
2. He who sits all day always on bottom.
1. If you own a watch, you know what time it is. If you own two, you aren't sure.
2. He who sits all day always on bottom.
heh heh...I'm glad we can still amuse ourselves with games and jokes. I like this thread ;)
these are all very good lol.lol.....they did make me laugh and seldom i laugh now
thanks girls .....
thanks girls .....
I'm not sure if made up quotes count, but my friends and I like to make up quotes sometimes. "Life is short, eat toast!" I don't know what it means, but I like it! :)
You've probably all heard this one,
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend, and inside a dog it's too dark to read."
Groucho Marx
"There's lies, there's damned lies, then there's statistics."
Mark Twain
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend, and inside a dog it's too dark to read."
Groucho Marx
"There's lies, there's damned lies, then there's statistics."
Mark Twain
Thank you all so much for posting these funny quotes. I think we all need to have a good laugh every now and again.
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