For example, I have a very very controlling mother. If i told her the truthful answer to everything she asked me...OMG her pacemaker would go off. So, i sometimes feel like i have to lie to her to protect her and her health.
Also, she is nosey. ANd i feel i am entitled to privacy. Now, I would love to say i could say to her "Mom, please respect my privacy." but, refer to the above paragraph and it would make sense why i cant do that.
I wouldnt lie to my boyfriend though because i have no reason to. Well, i guess sometimes i do but i just dont with it.
I would never lie to a boss or someone like that.
I guess...it comes down to why u are lying........if it is to obtain self gain, then no that is wrong. But, if it is to protect someone who hsa no reason to know your business anyways...then do what u gotta do.
For me, lying is one thing I have a difficult time tolerating from my friends and family. I do understand that we all tell white lies from time to time. But, overall, lying really irritates me. I had a friend who I realized was sleeping with a boyfriend of mine when I was young and I confronted her. She lied. I told her that I can forgive anything, but if she lied to me, she was done in my life! She told me the truth then and we ended up staying friends and we both ditched the guy! So, honesty is very important to me.
Well gee let me see.....i am a recovering drug addict and alcoholic. Have i lied?? I lied every chance i got. Didnt matter who to either. I lied all the time to feed my addiction. If i knew you and i opened my mouth i lied to you. Plain and simple. Am i proud of that?? No i am not. About 300 days ago i decided to get real with myself and truthful so i set out on an adventure that has taken me to the depths of he!! and back. I try to be as truthful as i can now. I have no reason to blow sunshine up anyones tailpipe anymore. I am who i am and i say what i mean. Will i live a complete truthful life and never tell a white lie........NO. I am human. sara
That is my whole point. No human can be completely honest. Sometimes, the situation calls for a lie to be told to bring peace, or restore it. I am against lying to hurt people, or lying just because. But when there is a serious situation, like a job interview, or like lonelymom said, an orgasm, or even to save somebody else's a$$, somebody you love and care for, then I'd say...come on......life sometimes makes us do things we are not necessarily proud of, like lying. But when it comes to putting food on the table, paying rent, or keeping a loved one happy and comfortable (without hurting someone else) then I highly doubt there is ONE person out here who wouldn't lie. No matter what you say, you know you have lied and you’ll lie when/if the situation calls for it.
I do not think there is a question as to if each of us have lied in certain circumstances. We all have, this is true. As far as what I think of lying? It is not good to lie. If you think lying is ok, it gets easier to do and can become a habitual liar. When my children were growing up, I tought them that the one thing that will get them in big trouble is to lie to me. There are big lies and little white lies,, but none the less a lie. If someone asks my opinion on how they look, I am not mean about it but remind them that in my opinion something may be more flattering on them. Orgasm, no I have never lied about that! Why cheat myself? He gonna practice till he gets it right otherwise I end up faking it and losing out on the benefits more often than not. IMO lol
Lol, I've never lied about orgasm either, Teko, haven't needed to. ;)
I also agree with you about teaching your kids, etc. I've told my kids so many times that it's better for them to tell me the truth than for me to find out if they're lying. They will get in way more trouble for trying to cover up something than to just confess what they did. It takes a bigger person to be able to do that. Sure, we've all lied at times, sometimes without realizing but we should be careful to try to always be honest because it is a reflection on our character and people won't feel like they can trust you or ever believe you if they find out you've lied to them.
Well here i come again fessin up to a lie!!!! I used to go out on occasion with this one guy and he wasnt real great in the sack so i would fake the big "O" just to have it over quicker!!!!! Like teko said no way would i do it now!!!!! Why am i the only fessin up to lies here!!!!! LOL
Ok, Sara I’ll keep you from being the only one telling about lies.
I will lie when I am told something that hurts me deeply, I will often say “I understand”, or “it’s ok no problem”. What the heck it is only me getting hurt right, why let others see my pain. I may also talk to someone on a superficial level even when I have disdain for someone because of something they said or did to me or a friend, as long as it wasn’t physical or had to do with hurting a child, and yet others wonder why I would ever talk to them again. I guess that is sort of living a lie, right?
I disagree that lying is a human trait. The reasons why people lie (according to Dr. Gail Saltz) is:
. to protect themselves
. to make themselves look good (my thoughts... many of these people have low self-esteem and/or are envious of their co-workers, friends, etc.)
. for personal gain (these people often have personality disorders... like Casey Anthony)
I'm sure we all have lied when we were children, but I would hope that most of us have grown out of it.
I agree with your post. I know as children we all lie. But, like you said, hopefully as adults we've grown out of it.
It probably just depends on everyone own personal definition of lying...If the check-out lady at the grocery store ask how I am, no, I'm probably not going to tell her I'm awful if it's been a bad day(kids screaming, PMS, etc.). But, I guess I don't consider that a lie. I'll probably just tell her I've had better days and move on.
And how could "faking an orgasm" be of personal gain, or how could it make you look better, or how could faking it protect you?
I think we're all talking about very different things here.
April, in your case, lying isn't acceptable. Your daughter should be honest with you. I agree on that.
Teko, yes, we do have to teach our children to tell the truth, absolutely. And I love your thoughts about lying.
But is lying always a bad thing? Why?
Believe it or not, nobody "grows out of it" simply, because lying isn't a kid's thing. Everybody lies. It may not be a good thing all the time, but when a lie becomes necessary, and in a lot of cases, it does become necessary (not necessarily to protect yourself or make yourself look good) then why see it as something bad? Should we all lie all the time? Of course not. But life isn’t easy at all, and many of us may very well be faced with an extreme case in which we’d have to lie.
If you got laid off right now, and your family depends on your work, would you not lie if you had to on a job interview by saying you’d be thrilled to join the company even if you despise it with your heart and soul? Wait, I know, yes, you would.
Dr. Gail’s statement may be right but such report does not consider numerous aspects of life human beings are faced with on a daily basis.
My question :’What do you think of lying’ is open for not just one case or situation but to a more general atmosphere. I did not ask “what do you think of bad lies, or what do you think of white lies. And I did it precisely because I wanted to read your comments (and thank you so much for posting) on both an unnecessary lie or a necessary one. Hmm…let me see, if I were to base myself on one specific scenario, I’d say my dad is your typical liar and that always interfered with my relationship with him. I hate to see him lie so much.
But let’s just remember that there are also cases in which you have to lie, not to protect yourself but to protect your kid or mother, maybe to save them from starvation. That was the case of one of my co-workers. Now, anyone, tell me, did he do a bad thing because he lied to the boss during the interview by saying he knew Microsoft Office very well, knew how to communicate with people and had office experience JUST to get that job to feed his family? He had been laid off. He knows nothing related to word or excel. He stutters when talking to people on the phone because he gets nervous. He doesn’t this scared to be involved in new projects because he fears he will mess up and so he ends up not helping anyone. But he is getting paid and his 2 kids are getting fed. At the end of he day, isn’t that what matter in this case?
Please…..if you do not agree with me I can understand….but I doubt anyone would act in a different manner if put on that situation; because in the end, family is first.
Everybody lies but some people lie more than others. I honestly have no reason to lie to people. I think many people lie because they are afraid. If I did lie, it would be with the best intentions. (if someone asked if they looked fat in an outfit... I may just suggest another type of outfit for their body style and not lie if I could help it).
to set something clear--when I fake the big "O" with my husband nine times out of ten it was because I just really wasn't in the mood and just wanted it over quicker. I have taught him what I like and haven't facked one in a long time with him.
Interesting point. I think because it is a lot easier to say "okay, I understand" than it is to get into a full blown conflict. To get into a full blown conflict takes risk. It takes a risk of losing a friend and it risks more hurt feelings.
I can be angry with people, but I _choose_ to be nice to them, because I believe in "Love your enemies." and "turn the other cheek." In the Bible (New Testament) Jesus talks about loving others, even if they do harm.
I'm not Jesus... I'm far from it, but I try my best... Sometimes I fail and my anger shows. Sometimes not. I don't view it as being dishonest or lying. I view it as part of trying to be a good Christian.
Before I became a Christian, it did not bother me at all to lie, Why, I could look a person right in the face and lie like a champ. Now, there is no way I can do that,. Sure, sometimes I backslide and will tell a fib, usually when I do not want to hurt someone or, I am afraid of what someone will think, but, by and large, I have changed so much, and I have even gone back and apologized to the person I lied to and asked for their forgiveness, I tend to be hard on myself.
LOL, this reminds me of that one "I Love Lucy" episode where Ricky and Fred and Ethel bet her 100 dollars that she could not tell the truth for 24 hours, well, at first, it was difficult for her, but, after awhile, she got good at it, and made some folks angry. (I just love that show, it is my favorite.)
So, I guess my answer is planned lieing, is wrong, but, if we do it without really giving it thought, it is human, and God will forgive us, I am sure glad He does too. :)
I would say it depends on the nature of such planned lie. I do not support liars, or those who lie to benefit themselves for greedy purpose etc. But not all planned lies are bad. Some have good, well intended purposes. I am Christian also. Given a situation, Christians or non Christians should definitely act according to either the Bible's teachings or their morals. But given a situation, I'd say lying would be good or bad depending on its nature. Not all lies are said with bad intentions, and certainly not all lies are said to bring evil or cause harm. Some lies can heal and have healed the souls of many.
I can tell you, before my aunt died to bone cancer, we would all tell her that she'd be ok, and that she didn't have cancer, and that she’d live a long time. We decided to lie to her to make her feel better, because we saw her face turn brighter whenever someone would give her hope. For a dying individual, I'd say this type of lie is definitely worth it, because it brightens their last days, and their sufferings lessen. Well, that's how we coped with her condition, and that's how she dealt with it, just thinking she'd get better, and that would make her optimistic. Definitely worth it. I would lie again with no regret, if it meant the comfort of a loved one who has no chance. THAT lie was planned.
Good point, PK. There's a story in the Bible about a harlot named Rahab who hid some of God's prophets and lied to the people looking for them. Scriptures do not condemn her for lying though, it praises her for her faith and good works, so I think we have to be careful to leave the judging up to God. Perhaps there are times that God allows it such as in your case, PK with your aunt. You were being kind to her and giving her hope. I don't think God would condemn you for that.
I agree PK, I truly feel in cases like you mentioned that our Lord does not condemn lying. I think there are definitely times when it would actually be detrimental to someone if we were blunt and told the truth. As April said, God is the best judge, and it is best to leave the judgment to Him. :)
Lying? What is that?? Just trying to bring a smile to your face. I know from past experience that once someone tells a lie they have started the ball rolling that will continue to pick up gabage as it rolls down hill. Then when this ball of destruction stops who knows how many peopl it will hurt. I do not like lying but I remember ther last time I lied. My older sister was was killed in an autoaccident about 30 years ago out of state. My mother wanted me to call the emergency room to see if my sister had said anything before she died and if she had suffered. I knew what my mother wanted to hear. I told her that the nurse said that my sister had not sufferred and that her last words were, "Tell my mom I love her." Yes I lied. Do I feel guilty, No. I do wish it had been true and under different circumstances it could have been. The nurse did say she was unconscious and did not appear to be sufferring. I would like to think if she was awake she would have said that. So..was I wrong? I don't think so. Others may have different idea.
How do I deal with interviews...Iell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth. There are very few businesses that would be unable to find out the truth any way.
Asking someone how I look is a set up. If I am so insecure that I need their approval I will not believe what they say or I will be hurt by what is said. I used to ask my hubby how I looked. I would not believe him if he said nice and I would resent it if he was negative. I dress for myself and if I feel comfortable that is what is important. If someone asks me how they look I frequently would ask how they felt about how they looked. By doing that I did not assume the role of judge and jury.
Is lying truly necessary to achieve something? Good question - no, on the contrary. There is no progress but just a vicious cycle if we lie. If I screw up, I need to be honest about it to move on and let others move on. Life is a process of decision-making and even if I just lie to myself, I will make erratic decisions if they are based on lies.
Have I lied? Yes. To protect someone for a while until he would expose his lies on his own. To gain time. To shut down a conversation. To escape parental threats. To appear less bold on a first date. Yep, and it never felt good....because I blush from neck to scalp.
I can remember when my daughter was about 9 (30years ago). She came and looked me straight in the eye and asked me if Santa was real,because other kids said he wasn't. I had always told my children to never lie to me.If they did something and told me the truth, they would still get punished, but if they lied, they would get punished for both. When my daughter asked me that, of course I didn't want to tell her, but she came to me for the truth.If I lied I would break her trust. I told her Santa was in the heart, which to me is true, the gifts we give our children come from the love we have for them. Now she remembers that and said Christmas was never the same, and I told her you asked for the truth. I'm not sorry I told her the truth because her memory would have been, you taught us to tell the truth and you told me a lie.The next thing would have been, how can I trust you, you lied to me. My brother once as a grown man, looked me straight in the eye when I asked him a point blank, very important question, and lied to me. I thought I could trust him, so I believed him.Sometime later in conversation he accidently told me the truth.I can say I was really disappointed in him. If a friend asks me a question, I don't mind giving them my opinion.
RJ, let me ask you a question, if you don't mind. How do you feel, then, about teaching children about Santa Clause, The Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy and so on? Is this lying? I've been struggling with this. I did teach my older two all that but then became a born again Christian late in life. Now I wonder if I really want to teach my 4 year old all of this. My mother really fights me on this. She thinks it would be cruel to not teach him but I've had friends who didn't teach their kids these things. I just don't know what to think. So far I've only pointed out Santa to him and briefly talked about him, trying to keep most of the focus of Christmas on the Nativity story and how it's the celebration of the birth of Christ. I think Santa has taken over the whole meaning of Christmas. But I'm torn on what I should do. I want to encourage his imagination and fun but at the same time not lie. What do you think?
That is a $60.00 question. I was raised without the belief of Santa, Easter bunny, or alot of other childhood fantasys. I went thru a stage of resenting God and church as I was different then other children. I have since then combined the true meanings with some secular activities. I would have an Easter egg hunt for family, friends, and some church members. I always included in the hidden eggs the eggs with the story of the resurrection on them. I played a video of the story of Christ and the celberation of his being risen. At Christmas time I again always included the true meaning of Christmas and Jesus' birth. I also would tell the story of St. Nick, how Santa came about and how some people celeberated Santa rather then Christ. I have found that by putting Christ first, but including the secular celebrations helps in not creating resentfulness toward religion yet allows children to have fun in a truthful, honest way. I also have heard some fantastic ways families have celebrated Christmas creating memories never to be forgotten. I also have a really cute music box of Santa kneeling at baby Jesus crib.
I think you should stand your ground in teaching what you know to be the truth.You can tell him that Santa is make believe because of the love in your heart that Jesus gave you and that is why he get gifts.If you start with the truth, then you have no battle. One problem those fantacies create is the lie we tell our child and it goes on for years. We don't want them to lie, but then we teach them it is ok if it is for a good purpose. If you can tell them Santa is a fairy tale, but that loving spirt lives in your hearts from Christ, I don't think he would be disappointed.
I know when we make decisions to raise our child the way you think you should rather than what is taken for granted, it does cause strife with some family members, but it is your child and you are responsible for him. Scripture says, we are to bring them up in the way they should go. It also says we will answer for how we teach our children. So , as long as we are satisfied that we are putting Our Saviour first, seperatiing reality from fiction then we have done our best. Stubby 226 has some good ideats
Now Holloween, I do not celebate.I was an adult and my children had outgrown the age to go trick or treating, before I became aware of what goes on, and the reall celebration. I thought it was just a candy night for the kids.Now, I could not give a child a piece of candy and not believe I was giving it in the name of Satan. I have learned enough over the last years to tell me all I want to know about it. There are Churchs that celebrate Holloween, and if you think about it, it is really contradictive of what a Holy Church of God's stands for. These are things as I see it, as I have learned and aged over the years and just my point of view. RJ
I don't like Halloween, either. I usually take my kids to a church party where they all it "All Saints Day" or "Hallelujuh night" where they have to dress up as Bible characters or something. They still get to play games and get candy, etc., but it's a safer, more positive atmosphere. I think Halloween has changed over the years. It seems more evil, darker, than it used to. When you go into the stores around Halloween, they're full of demons and scary violent or extremely sexy things. It's hard to find just a cute costume anymore, anyway. I did let my older ones do a little trick or treating when they were older because they begged me and they really just wanted the fun and candy but I never let them dress in evil costumes, etc.
I have a friend of mine who used to not celebrate Halloween but then felt convicted by God that she could use the holiday as a way to reach others, so she started attaching little scriptures to each candy that she handed out and then carved her pumpkins to spell out "Jesus is the light".
April, that is a cool idea with the pumpkin.
It is weird if you think about it Christmas (Santa toys for the children),Easter (Bunny Basket for the children),Holloween(Candy for the children,or pay the price, my trick). They all direct to children.
I don't care to be lied to, soooooo....I try to choose words that are true that would not hurt the person. If I know they won't like or will be hurt, I might say," You will not like what I am going to tell you, and I'll try to say it simple and not hurtful." That way they know I tried to avoid hurting them. I despise someone lying to me. I will interpret it the wrong way, as rude and an insult to my intelligence.
Swamp, If the person is dying, at the moment, and I would try to have them stay with me and just talk to them and have them concentrate on staying calm, until someone can help them get to a hospital.
I have never done this nor ever been in this situation. I hope God will guide me if it does.
I know I don't want to lie, but realize that lying comes out of ignorance. We pass on information thinking it to be true/factual, but it turns out to be untrue in some way.
I value honesty more and more as I age. However, I have seen that some times lies are told to benefit the person. Working with dementia residents/Alzheimer's....the nurses/cna's, etc. end up tell "white lies" to calm people down, etc. At first it was hard for me, but I saw that it worked and understood. Being a christian and coming from a more dark/light background with few greys.....I hadn't felt as comfortable in those "grey" areas.
I guess now more than any other time in my life I am open to more views on this and other areas. Life isn't so cut/dried as it is arranged...and truth isn't always so clear.
I try my best to be truthful but honestly speaking...I have told lies to save my arse. Does it make me feel good? Nope...I see myself for who I am and I am faaaaaaaar from perfection. I tell God I am a coward in that situation and ask for forgiveness. I open to better ways of being.
I think I valued MJI's honesty more when I was raising my 2nd daughter. MJI didn't lie and I knew that. If she got into something, she didn't hide it...left the wrappings right on the floor and I knew she got into something. I could ask her and she wouldn't deny it.
My other daughter would look me right in the eyes and lie like ...... So it was hard as I wasn't sure when she told me things. I tried the psychological voodoo with mom's having eyes in the back of the head.
I told both my daughter's that I would go easier on them if they told me the truth then if they lied.
All the while I had to face myself. I learned to lie early....and like others I learned that others didn't want to hear the truth. Those who are in dysfunctional homes know exactly what I am referring to. It becomes a mind-trip....I was alice in wonderland for a while trying to fit in.
Those experiences have made me cherish "honesty" all the more and to seek "truth". I cut others slack and myself now as we are human and get "twisted" in our thinking. That doesn't mean it is condone. We can discuss "white lies" ....Little white lies.....and the bigger ones which are meant to conceal truth. This is a huge area to explore with many ramifications. Good topic and one well worth exploring.
there are times when it is much easier to lie when someone says and how are you feeling today jo i say just fine, why tell them i feel like H--l and would rather be in bed who cares how i feel also when i was working in the hosp we were not allowed to discuss- the patients diagnosis the Dr had said she had cancer and had 6 months to live, this was back when there was no chance except a miricle the lady asked me she said jo do you think that i am going to die what a question how do you answer i did not have the heart, so i said only God knows that, much later she took it well and told me her plans to live life to the fullest while she did have to live she said i am going to do the things i have always wanted to do, then she looked at me and said dont cry jo i am going to be fine yes that was one time i could not keep a poker face otherwise i tell the truth but i do tell little white lies whensomeone asks me how they look jo
So many of you it sounds like are against lying. And this is just my observation, but it really sounds like you're against being lied to. Everyone lies, let's face it. I think whether or not I think it's okay to lie depends on the situational context. I was told to tell the truth ever since I was little, but do you all know how many lies there are out there? You wouldn't want to know what's in your McDonalds BIgMac would you? The whole sales market is built on deception. Scientific research shows this, these numbers show that, this ingredient is great for your pores, this perfect sit up will give you clean cut abs like mine blah blah blah... but that's all a bunch of crap. business is a whole tree of lies. it's ignorance that will lead to being lied to. Sorry, I just kind of went on a little tangent there.. haha. All I'm saying is do your research. never listen to the one who tells "truths," but rather listen to the one who seeks the truths. seek and you shall find :).
All people lie, exaggerate and misrepresent the truth at times.
I don't have a problem a with a mild level of this over matters that are not of great importance.
However excessive or frequent lying, and deliberately lying about some important issues, and indeed lying to someone when they have a strong sense of trust that you are telling the truth about something that is important to them- that is dysfunctional behavior.
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