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Avatar universal

Memory loss and confusion

Hi I'm hoping someone can please please please help me here as I'm really struggling to come to terms with what's happening to me.
Il try my best to explain but struggle as it feels like I've lost intelligence too...

I'm a 30 year old male gas engineer, a non smoker, don't drink and don't do drugs,

About 5 months ago I was making tea for my family when all of a sudden something hit me like a huge amount of fear or something to that effect and I didn't know where I was or what was happening, I started to panic and went to bed,
I woke the next day feeling like my brain had shut down and I couldn't  hardly function in terms of very short term awareness and memory, it felt like my brain just wouldn't let me take no more in, it felt sort of locked and fatigued. That was the Sunday,
That Monday I couldn't return to work I was that bad, I was full of fear what was up with me and couldn't function - I still haven't returned to work and it's been over 5 months now.

The week following I was basically awakening and struggling to get dressed, struggling to remember basic things like finding items I had seen, simple things and trying to remember how to go about doing things I would normally just go about doing have to think about it, just basic forward normal functioning.

That week I was like a non functional zombie, if I tried to think my head would tense up and hurt, if I was to walk to one room to the next lid take nothing in on the way, I couldn't make decisions it was impossible, like I just didn't have the mind processing power, my wife would take me out with her in the car I could barley remember where we was going and when we got there I don't recall how we got there,mild walk around with a fatigued feeling mind barley able to function. This lasted all week, I went the drs on the Monday I was told it down to a change in diet, I didn't agree,
I was at the walk in every night because I was that bad it felt like I was going to just drop down, I didn't even have the mind power to ask questions when I got there, my mind was really foggy like feeling, fatigued, I felt like I lost my Intellagence and personality - I was mess

Rewinding back to before this happened I can remember being in work over the weeks before and through the day I kept having little periods of feeling like my body just would shut down and my mind would switch of to the point where I just didn't even have to power to talk or function fully, this would then go and lid carry on working,

I can remember saying to myself one day in work "that thing hasn't happened to me today"

5 months down the line I'm still like this but 24/7 - I struggle to remember recent things, sometimes it's better than other but changes within hours, sometimes I can think clearer and process thoughts and ideas clearer, sometimes I struggle to think or remember at all I get confused it feels like time has stopped and I don't know what to do, where I'm going, why I'm doing what I'm doing - it's horrible!

I struggle to learn things, even if I was told something it would be hard to take it in, I'm aware of things but only if I consciously think about it, sounds strange but what I mean is - my wife is currently in work, if I didn't consciously think about it and say it to myself I have no relaxed feeling of awarness my wife's in work and I'm like that with everything, if I put food in the oven i kind of forget rather than feeling the feeling of aware what I've just done I have to think it to myself.

Some days I'm terrible so bad I can't find any rhythm in the day I'm basically using my conciuos mind talking to myself to navigate around and do things, some days it eases off and I can act a bit more intelligent and free flowing,

I've gone through some horrible sensations and emotions and feelings why experiencing this.

My emotions are up and down, happy sad, angry, feel like I've been crying for hours yet I haven't, yet why this is going on I still feel in terms of functioning I'm struggling like my function and emotions are separate.

Things are so bad some days I can dress my 2 year old son and not even notice what clothes I've put on him when I walk away,

This is the part that is frustrating me...

Every now and then prob once a month something happens like someone has pushed a switch in my brain and snap I come back around, It all goes away and I feel normal again, I can think clear, my head feels clear my eye sight it clear, my ears are clear and I feel intelligent and relaxed free forward flowing without having to consciously think and ask myself ok what am I doing, what next, I feel alive and me.
The other thing too is I yawn like I've been in a coma for the last year, massive massive big long yawns one after the other,

This lasts the longest I've been like this is about 20 minutes then I die down back to this non functional confused forgetful, fogged up, lack of awareness state.

I also have no awareness of time - so I don't know or recall or feel,how long I've been doing anything.

I have no physical symptoms as in palpitations, panic attacks, aches, twitches, pains,

I just want to get better, I have gone from traveling the country installing gas appliances to being stuck at home, hardly able to remember or put time and sense together,

It feels like I'm stuck in my front conscious mind in able to free flow outwards, connect to anything outwards, feel connection to anything or anyone. Then "it" happens and I open up and become more open, intelligent and aware,

Please can someone advice or help me, Ive always been a hard working person, I've worked since the day I left school, provided to give my family the best I can and now I'm struggling like this.


16 Responses
Avatar universal

Hello Markefc,

Welcome to Med help. I see you recently joined. That was quite a long post your wrote , but I read all of your comments. I have a couple of questions to ask you. Do you take any kind of medication ?  Have you ever felt depressed ?  Have you ever felt very stressed out ? It sounds like when you were working, you had a stressful job. I am wondering if you are going through a depression and you don't realize that you are. Here is why I think this. A number of the things you are describing in your comments, I experienced to while I was going through my depression. Here are some examples. I think you mentioned it is hard to make decisions even easy ones. You have trouble remembering things , maybe for example, you put your watch down somewhere and less than 2 minutes later you can't remember where you placed it. You feel like you are in a fog. You don't have any energy to do anything. You feel constantly tired. I remember you saying you yawn for extended periods of time. You dress your son and I think you mentioned you can't remember what clothes you put on him when you walk away. I think you mentioned  putting something in the oven and forgetting you put it there. Not being able to think properly or make decisions about even the most basic things . You talk about feeling fearful. I can relate to a lot of what you are experiencing because I experienced very similar things during my depression that lasted almost a year.
A number of years ago, more than ten, I went through a depression. It was so bad that I had to take sick leave for 6 months from my job. I will tell you that before I  was diagnosed with depression, I had been taking a certain kind of antidepressant for a number of years. In my case there were several factors which I feel led to my depression. One of them was, I had lost thirty five pounds in less than ten months through a diet program so I was really underweight. I was under a lot of stress in my job. I also had insomnia for 2 months prior to being diagnosed. During those 2 months of insomnia, I didn't miss a day of work.  Insomnia can be a symptom of depression I found out later. I am actually a retired school teacher. I had insomnia from the beginning of September to November. This is after having taught for over 29 years as a primary teacher. Don't get me wrong. I really enjoyed teaching.
It all came to a head when I got a very bad flu in December and had to take almost a week off work. I just managed enough energy to write the December report cards. The whole time my doctor at that time thinks I was going through a depression and didn't even know it.  One night, I had a major stress attack related to my job. Apparently my antidepressant wasn't working anymore. You know how you talk about feeling like your brain wouldn't let you take any more in. In my case, it felt like my mind was playing an awful trick on me. I would have what I would describe as clear thinking for a few minutes let's say. Then it was as if I couldn't access my mind. It was horrible. I felt like I was trapped inside my own body. I couldn't talk properly. I couldn't think properly. It was an awful, panicky feeling.
I am sharing all of this with you because as I read your comments, I can totally relate to them.  I ended up in the hospital after my major anxiety attack which I thought was a heart attack. The symptoms are very similar.
I spent a number of days in the hospital while a doctor gave me a new kind of antidepressant. They kept me in the hospital because they wanted to monitor me on the new medication. I was also so weak because I had lost all that weight so quickly. It was really good not having to worry about making meals. They provided the meals in the hospital. Anyway, I spent Christmas in the hospital getting better, getting stronger. In January , I went to a program I attended for about a month at the hospital. I was with other people going through a depression. We learned ways to cope with depression and gave each other support.  I returned to work in September of the following year, but I worked really hard to feel better. My depression is hereditary and I still take an antidepressant daily. It helps to be retired because of course I don't have the same stress I had when I was working as a primary teacher.  You mentioned your doctor says it is down to a change in diet.  You say you rather doubt that. Well, based on your comments, I doubt that too.  First of all, I think that maybe you should find another doctor for a second opinion. Based on your comments, I think you may be going through a depression and just don't know it. You mentioned that the day it happened you were making tea for your family and something hit you like a huge amount of fear of something, that you felt panic and you went to bed.
Maybe the huge amount of fear you experienced was a panic attack.
This is also a symptom of depression. I know I have shared a lot of what I went through during my depression hoping something I have shared may be of help to you.  Depression is often hard to diagnose.  In my case, I think I
had been suffering through the beginning of a depression for almost six months until I spiralled down in December. You talk about struggling to get dressed, struggling to remember basic things like finding items you had seen, feeling disconnected from your body, you talk about feeling like a non functional zombie.  I felt all those things during my depression too. It is a horrible way of feeling, but there is hope. Try and do some self talk saying things to yourself like I will get better. I will feel better. I will not always feel this way. Positive self talk is really important. Also as I mentioned I would find another doctor. You could tell this new doctor that you think you may be going through a depression and see what the new doctor says. You are just getting a second opinion. I am re reading part of your comments where you say " rewinding back to before this happened I can remember being in work over the weeks before this happened and through the day I kept having little periods of feeling like my body just would shut down and my mind would switch off to the point where I just didn't even have the power to talk or function fully."  My guess based on these comments is that you were really feeling stressed at your work. Stress can do that. Stress can make you feel like your body is shutting down , so to speak. I actually felt similar feelings before I had my full blown depression.  You said it's been 5 months and you haven't returned to work.  You must be taking sick leave from work.
Well, I guess I have said all I wanted to say for now.  Also I wanted to make a quick mention about the topic of TEA. I recently saw a program on tv called Market Place on CBC. Apparently some teas have pesticides in them.
My husband and I drink a lot of tea. We have tea every day for breakfast.
The program stated that Red Rose - orange pekoe has zero pesticides.
I wish you and your family well.  Please think about what I have shared with you. I really think you may be suffering through a depression and you don't even know it.  Eve  ( nickname on Med help is Evewisewoman )

Avatar universal
Morning eve,

Many thanks for taking the time to reply to me,
Sorry about the length of the post I needed to try get as much out as possible, there is more I've been experiencing, constant tension head aches, it feels like everything I do is with that front part of my brain, the part you would do a maths sum in your head with, 24/7 I feel like this, so if I'm doing something basic like washing up, watching tv, talking to someone I'm constantly stuck like this so imagin brig like that I try to watch tv, like I say talk and listen and my head tenses up and hurts after about 5 minutes of trying to concentrate, it feels like my mind won't open up fully and let me be outwards and connected.
Because I'm like this I feel disconnected from everything and everyone and because I'm having to use the part of my mind to get through what I'm doing I'm havin to concentrate wich stops me thining about other things and stops things coming to me naturally, for example - my bet friend of 20 years  had there first child and the day I was told I was made up but once I took my mind off it it was gone, no awaress or feelings of it even existing until it was mentiond by someone else or like I mentiond my brain opens up (it feels like) I become more awake, intelligent and free flowing with better mind power and intellegence and I can think clear and freely feel things popping in toy head, my flow of intellegence and personality comes back and I think outwards, I have no control over this it like my brain is just teasing me.
I understand depressorion is a illness not just being down and sad but honestly I don't feel down or sad other than frustrated about how this is destroying my life.
A little more information I did go through a long and highly emotional and stressful trauma 3 week before this happend, no doubt it's related to all that.
I'm currently taking citalopram I have been for 3 months and feel no effect, I've also tried others.

Interms of energy and physically getting about I no longer struggle, it was only prob the first 2 weeks.
I've been back boxing and football and I've been doing cutting and doing my 50 foot garden lol, I am physically fit
But when I'm doing it it's like I'm trapped in my forhead! It's tensed up, it's sore and I can't think outwards and feel relaxed outwards at the same time, my eyes go blurry because all my concentration is me concentrating on concentrating what I'm trying to do if that makes sense.

I get feelings of total lostness, I dontt know what or where I'm going or what to do next to move forward In a forward motion like my brains not processing,
It's scary!

Yesterday I was pretty bad, I could hardly function outwards and think clear, my wife returned home from work and I took a started to cut the lawn outside despite feeling like my mind was locked up my awareness was all inwards and I couldn't focus or feel outwards on much only on what I was looking at. That's one way sometimes it feels that my mind is locked up and heavy, my head feels heavy and my eyes to like I can't focus or look out of a few meters.

The stress I went through was terrible, I did a lot of inward thinking nearly 24/7 for 4 months solid, and that's how it feels now like I'm stuck inwards.

I can't focus or think without me thinking that I'm thinking.... It's messed up, I feel really tense all the time to, my shoulders and body feels tight and tense,
Of a evening I tend to feel slightly relaxed I think it's because I know the days over and don't think as hard,
Either way my body is so tense pretty much all the time I don't enjoy or taste food like I use to, my body is so tense I can eat and eat but not feel my stomach.

I'm putting on weight due to the fact I don't feel normal,

Feelings too I don't feel feelings of emotion much more, I know I love people in my life but don't feel it, or happyness,

Yesterday out if no where like I said it's like a button is pushed - for about 20 minutes I was feeling feelings, I was having free flowing thoughts come to me, I felt excited, for the first time in 5 months I had this feeling of excitement about work. I love my job, I install gas fires and fireplaces, I travel the country and I meet some interesting people and work in some amazing houses. Yesterday I was cutting the garden as I mentiond and I looked through the back gate to outside - our of no where my brain opened up and I got the feeling of being out in my van, drivinvlg around In work, fitting fireplaces, the excitement of being with the work lads having a laugh ECT, it was crazy! Then out of now where is just faded away I lost mind power and I sank back in to this inwards person. 8-(

I've tried supplements recommended, I've tried being and thining positive, I've tried going out doing things it seems the more I try the harder I have to think and the more my brain locks or foggs up, if I stay in the house and relax the more detached I become.

Basicaly I feel locked in my own front brain, I don't feel the feeling of outwards and feel the outwards awareness,feekings, noises, It feels like I'm on the other side of my thoughts, when I think or do anything Im constantly thinkng I'm that I'm having to think,

If someone said to me to do something I could do it, I'm physically fit but ild struggle to do it because I just feel like I don't have the common basic sense to free flow doing it I have to think how to do it conciously then try to act upon it, it's like being born again only I'm not taking it in, it's like being on manual instead of being outwards going about it normal.

Sorry to go on I just need some help, my dr don't believe me.

I don't like being alone either it scares me I need to feel connected in some way or I get lost in myself .
Avatar universal

Good morning Mark,

As far as taking the time to reply to you, you are very welcome.
Don't apologize for the length of a post. As you can see, I write long
posts too. You mentioned you have been on the drug, Citalopram
for 3 months. Was it your doctor who prescribed Citalopram for you?
The following information about Citalopram comes from a resource
book I own called The Canadian Guide to Drugs and Supplements.
The book is written by the Canadian Pharmacists Association and published by Reader's Digest. ( Completely Revised and Updated)
copyrighted in 2008. On a hunch, I looked up the side effects of
Citalopram. According to this reference book, Citalopram is used for
depressive illness and panic disorder. It is an antidepressant drug.
The common side effects of Citalopram are nausea, vomiting, and indigestion, diarrhea and constipation. More rare side effects according to this book include  HEADACHE/ TEMOR, DIZZINESS/ DROWSINESS,
DRY MOUTH< SWEATING, sexual dysfunction and skin rash.
If you are interested in knowing about other possible common and rare side effects of CITALOPRAM, I would suggest you go to this website:
www.drugs.com.  There you can type in the name Citalopram and see what other side effects Citalopram has.  I find it interesting that you talk about having constant tension headaches. Well, as you can see, headache is a rare side effect of the Citalopram which you say you have been taking for 3 months already. Coincidence ? I don't think so. Something to think
about it.  Also until you figure out what is happening, I think maybe you should hire someone else to cut the grass. You say sometimes you have difficulty seeing properly. A couple of other suggestions. You say you feel really tense all the time. That your shoulders feel tight and tense.
Do you think that maybe a therapeutic massage might help or getting an adjustment from a chiropractor. A lot of these types of things can be covered through health insurance. I don't know whether you have health insurance. Anyway, just a thought. You also mentioned that you are back boxing. How long have you been boxing ? Have you ever sustained a head injury from boxing ?  You mentioned you play football. How long have you been playing football ?  I am raising these questions to make you think about whether you have sustained any head injuries in either of these sports. I also would consider getting another doctor. You said your current doctor does not believe you. You need a doctor who will support you and more importantly listen to you. If you got another doctor, you could also get a second opinion. Don't want to alarm you, but I knew of a woman who kept having constant headaches. It turned she had a brain tumor. The brain tumor was operable and she is fine now. I know no one wants to think they have a brain tumor, but it is something to consider. I think her brain tumor was discovered through some type of brain scan that her doctor ordered for her. So, I would strongly suggest getting another doctor for a second opinion. Do not stop taking Citalopram without consulting your physician. Stopping abruptly can cause withdrawal symptoms. You need to be weaned off the Citalopram gradually. Until you find out what is going on, what is causing the headaches etc. , I think you should not be boxing or playing football for your own safety. Well, I have given you a number of suggestions to think about.  I hope you find them helpful.  Take good care, Eve

Avatar universal

Afternoon Mark,

I decided to look up the possible side effects of Citalopram on the website www.drugs.com.  There are so many possible side effects listed there.
I like the way they organize the information. They list common side effects, less common side effect and rare side effects. If you haven't been to check out the website www.drugs.com, I highly recommend you go there and check it out. I noticed quite a few of the symptoms you are experiencing are side effects of Citalopram. One of the rare side effects of Citalopram is difficulty with concentrating, some less common side effects are blurred vision, confusion, loss of memory and headaches. I remember you saying you have been taking Citalopram for about 3 months. That's a fairly long time to be exposed to the drug and consequently the side effects of the drug. Well, I guess that is all for now.  Eve
Avatar universal
Hi eve sorry for the late reply,

The head aches im having have beeI use to there from the start, the evening it hapoend I was feeling normal self when as I mentiond it felt as if my brain just shut down and I couldn't take no more in and al my mind power, natural feeling of awareness as in what I've just done went I was locked in the front part of my mind, I've actually had a MRI scan sorry I should of mentioned and I had to bed my Dr for it pretty much, it come back clear apart from a problem with my sinus's which he did think would course me the problem I'm having, although Ive been told that possibly this could course a problem as it can effect the flow of oxygen to the brain, its just puzzling how I can feel like this pretty much 24/7 trapped in ny own forheard without no outwards relaxed awarness, no feelings of attatchment to people or things, and can hardly think proper then snap it all goes away and I look around like where have I been!!

I have read about depersonalisation but I don't think its that,

Ok go back a little - i had a week of diazepam given to me by my Dr, I was told to take them although I wasn't anxious or having panic attacks, it helped anyway I felt ok for two weeks then I started setraline I think there called and 4 days in to them I was on my hands and knees screaming in pain it felt like ny brain was thinking backwards and was getting all twisted up, it was hell

From there I experienced the same sensations over and over but they started to to get weaker and weaker, they physical hurt they had me in tears in public!@ im a 20st boxer and was crying because of this what ever if is
Ive tried to explain it to my Dr it feels like fear at first it starts in my stomach out of no where nothing triggers it it just comes then it gets worse and worse to the point it feels like ever nerve ending in my body along with ny brain is obysically being twisted up and put back in my body and having to deal with it, it lasts about 15-20 minutes then dies away, I've had electric shock feelings too,

Regarding the boxing I have only started it about a month before this happens,

For the last 3 days I've been taking diazepam because that's the only thing I can take that helps me to think straight, clear/l, with intellegent relaxed thoughts,- it didn't fix the problem but I've just built a large swing and slide for my too kids, if I tried doing this last week ild have no chance,

I've done my job for 14 years I'm planning on changing ny own fire place at home and was trying to measure up and work it out in my head the sizes for the skirting boards and I didn't have the brain power to work it out or figure it out in my head - sounds stupid I know but that's just an example of what I'm up against,

I've been told I've had depression, then deoersonlisation, then I've had a mental break down, then im hypovigilant,

I just want to go back to work and feel like I use to,

I want to feel aware of what the hell is going on in the world,

I still get the fear feelings but its not that I'm afraid so I get scared they just come,

I don't do things or go places because I can't be me or think like i
Avatar universal
Sorry for the poor punctuation I wrote this off my partners phone I havnt a clue how to use it proper,
Avatar universal
(Beg him) he didn't think my sinus would course this
Avatar universal

Hello again,

I went to the website www.drugs.com this morning. I looked up the side effects of the drug, diazepam and sertraline. " Diazepam affects chemicals in the brain that may become unbalanced and cause anxiety. Diazepam is used to treat anxiety disorders, alcohol withdrawl symptoms, or muscle spasms. Sometimes it is used with other medications to treat seizures."
It also has a huge list of side effects, really dangerous and serious side effects. Do you mind if I ask why your doctor prescribed it for you ?
I also looked up the drug, sertraline which you said your doctor prescribed for you and you took for four days. Sertraline is an antidepressant and it also has some really dangerous and serious side effects. I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I don't think your doctor knows what you are suffering from.  Perhaps it is time to find another doctor for a fresh look at your symptoms and for a second opinion from another doctor. I find it interesting that a lot of the symptoms you say you are experiencing seem to be side effects of diazepam. It really would be helpful for you to go to www.drugs.com and look at the side effects of diazepam. I found it an eye opener.  I wish you well.   Eve

Avatar universal
Hi eve.

I was given the diazepam a week after this started because he said it's anxiety related and would help, I done as he asked and took 1 3 times a day for a week - as far as I was aware that was it I was fixed. I carried on with life feeling better (I never really took notice anymore) I was relaxed and calm on these diazeap although looking back I was still having strange mood swings,

3 weeks later I still felt ok I started to try to go back to work - the day I tried to go back was the day I started the setraline, my employer wouldn't alow me back due to not having a note from my dr saying I was fit to return - I truly believe if I had been allowed in work that day il be I now.

On the way home I had a conversation with my old landlord and my behaviour and the manor I spoke to her I realised it wasn't me and it wasn't my behavior....(she tried to keep £900) of mine so I called her all sorts.
As I said this is not me I'm a quiet relaxed civil working class person.

A couple of hours later I was lying on the sofa relaxed when a woosh of anger hit me, I went the gym and done some boxing,

I come back home like nothing had happend. Again I noticed I didn't feel right,

It felt as if my body was putting me through the same high, low, sad, angry, emotions I went through during my trauma, (I found out my wife was having an affair and was no longer wanting us meaning I had to leave away the family home away from my 2 and 7 year old) a hell of a lot went on, stress, trauma, upset, anger, frustration, confusion,

Anyway.. 3 days later still taking the setraline I was on my hand and knees screaming on pain! It felt like my brain was being twisted up!!

I've been going through hell ever since

I've been told it's depersonalisation, I've been told it's depression, I've been told I've had a total mental break down, tb honest I don't know what to believe  anymore, I'm starting to give in and even contemplated suicde for days on end. I would never ever think such things before this started! My life was perfect (or so I thought)

I believe possibly the setraline have made me worse, maybe not.

It's only recently I've been "allowed" or "able" to get interest back in to things,
Not because I didn't want to in the past few months it's because I couldn't function in a way even know they exist.

Some of the symptoms or feelings I've experienced have been tortchure!!

Electric shocks in my head, stomach on fire when ever I would usualy get anxious a little and would feel butterfly's well now it feels like my stomach burns, I've had constant head aches in the front of my head the get worse if I try to concentrate or do anything physical and have to watch. My eyes go blurry and I disconnect from what's going on totally around me then I snap back out of it and start again, but I feel like I can only use the front part of my mind the rest isn't working so I feel stuck in there inwards.
Awareness is gone, as in I'm not naturally feeling what I've just done today I have to think hard I have no feelings.
The list goes on!

Most days my head feels like it's full of sludge, or like I'm stuck in the front part of my mind and can't open up to feel me again, like I'm trapped.
I've noticed sometimes if I yawn a little my ears crackle and open a bit and my awareness opens up a little and I can think a little powerful and clearer.

Few up of my eyes being blurry. Fed up of feeling like this, I have a two year old boy who I don't feel like I know because the last 12 months have been hell.

I don't feel outwards connection to anyone or anything I just feel like my brain is only working half what it use to,

Im not depressed far from it, I'm frustrated being like this,

Today I wallpaperd my hole front room in the state I'm in, yesterday I took out my fireplace and knocked out aload of bricks, I then went out - I've plenty if energy in me I just struggle to use it because of what ever is happening to me is stopping me from functioning fully.

It took all my concentration today the harder I concentrated the more my head hurt and the more I went inwards in my mind. My eyes went badly blurry and I kept having to stop and take deep breathes and look outside to open back up or try to, it's horrible. I got there tho.

After I finished I realised I started it at 9am finished at 5.30 I had no awaress if how long ild been working I don't feel time passing at all.

I can be like this then all of a sudden "click" my brain opens up, everything returns to normal I feel, think, see, hear, awareness, outwards. Feelings, thought process, intelligence, personality, everything just comes back to me like I've been away for the last year! I yawn like yaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwn!!! Over and over like I've been in some sort of coma then 15 mins later it's gone and I struggle to do anything normal.

I've changed doctors he said it is wired but is still waiting on my details to be transfered to him,

It feels like I'm on the otherwise of my thoughts so if I'm thiniking or doing something's I'm thinking that I'm thininking,

I don't know! I'm getting lost now,
It's not the citalopram doing this though I've been like this since the day I went to my drs 6 months ago only I'm so use to it I'm starting to not question everything, my brain feels like its had enough,

The worst thing is when I sleep cos I'm using that part of my head 24:7 it won't shut off so I wake feeling like I've been awake all night,

Thanks for your time eve I so much appriciate it,
Avatar universal
Just another little thing too - because it feels like I'm stuck in the front part if my head and I'm not open and outwards I find I'm talking to myself 24/7 in my mind, I feel like I have no option I'm stuck like this,

It feels like my brain just needs to go pop and open back up and fully outwards and open!!

Pain killas don't touch my head aches, sleeping pills don't help get me to sleep, my heads to tense and awake - if I go out alone I feel vunrable because I'm stuck inwards in there I don't feel like I can just be normal free flowing I have to try to "think" how to go about things, how to act, how to remember what I need to get from the super market, many of times I've got a shopping basket full of stuff only to remember suddenly I've not even got enough money - where's in the past like anyone else your automatically "aware" that awareness I don't have i have to "think" about everything! 8-(

Some days it's worse than others some days I feel like screaming.

It's still in there some where what the hell is happening with me?...

Why would I just be like like this then "click" like a button is pushed and it's all gone then click it's back, 8-(

Avatar universal

Hello Markefc,

I am really glad to hear that you changed doctors. I hope this doctor will be more helpful to you.  I was wondering if you had had a chance to go to this website www.drugs.com and look up the side effects of  DIAZAPAM. I really think it would be a good idea to do this Mark. I hope you don't mind me calling you Mark. I would like you to see all the side effects of DIAZAPAM are there are many of them. Separations are stressful. I know about that. I was separated myself from my ex husband for almost a year.
We did not have any children though. My husband and I ended up divorcing but it was a mutual decision. I think the term is irreconcilable differences. My ex remarried and so did I eventually. I shared this with you because I know what being separated feels like. You said your new doctor is waiting for your details. I am assuming you mean that your new doctor is waiting for your former doctor's office to fax the details. That is encouraging. Here are some things I would recommend : go to www.drugs.com and look up the SIDE EFFECTS OF DIAZAPAM.
A lot of the symptoms you are describing as experiencing I think you will find are side effects of the diazepam, but I think you should look at the list of side effects yourself.  Also, have you considered trying to find a counsellor. When I was going through my separation, I found a really good counsellor. We got along really well. She was a woman counsellor, but there are plenty of male counsellors. It is important to be able to talk about how you are feeling and get support. Perhaps there is a way to get off of the diazepam. You could discuss that with your new doctor.  Are you taking a prescription drug to help you sleep ?  If you are taking a prescription drug to help you sleep, this drug may be conflicting with the diazepam.  There are natural supplements you can take instead of prescription drugs which are or can be addictive in the long run. I have difficulty sleeping too sometimes. I take a product called MELATONIN which you can buy in a health food store. Melatonin is something your body makes naturally. I am so sorry what has happened to you regarding your wife. Before I met my husband, I dated this fellow and thought we had an exclusive relationship only to find out that he was dating someone else.
I ended the relationship immediately upon finding out he was cheating on me.  I know how this feels. You feel betrayed I was really upset myself, but this experience taught me to be really careful whom I dated. You should really consider counselling, Mark. I can't stress how important it is to be able to talk about what you are feeling and thinking and get support from that counsellor. Speak to your new doctor and see if you can be weaned off of the diazepam. I am no doctor. This is not professional advice. This is only a gut feeling that the diazepam has a lot to do with how you are feeling and your confused thinking. I once took an antidepressant for only 2 days. I experienced heart palpatations, extreme nausea, profuse sweating, horrible nightmares and a host of other awful side effects.
I was on another antidepressant , but a friend of mine was taking a certain antidepressant that she said made her feel great. So I asked my doctor if I could try the antidepressant she was taking . My doctor at that time agreed I could try it and gave me a few of those antidepressants to try. OMG did they ever make me feel ill.  Two days later I was back at my doctor and I asked her to put me back on my previous antidepressant. In my case my depression is hereditary. I would also suggest doing some deep breathing exercises to help calm you down. Breathe in, hold the breath for 3 seconds or to the count of 3 and breathe out. Do this about 6 times. You should feel calmer. You will get through this. Tell yourself you are strong of spirit.
Do a lot of positive self talk. I am sure you are a good man, Mark.
None of this is your fault. You will get better and you will be able to return to work eventually, but it will take him to feel better and to heal. I wish you strength in your healing journey.   Eve
Avatar universal
Hi eve,

I just want to say how much I appreciate your time and advice, thank you!

I'm sorry if I confused you, I only took diazepam for a week, it was the second week this all started. I was already experiencing what I'm going trough but much worse, the diazepam give me the feeling of being able to relax and think straight. Otherwise I couldn't think or behave normal,

I then took the setraline I was terrible, maybe they made me as bad as I am, I was close to losing my mind that's how it felt, I was on the floor screaming in some pain,

I did take some diazepam again for a few days not because I feel panicky because it helps me to feel Normalish and think a bit better and a little more aware. Other than that I don't have any physical symtoms other than pure head ache 24/7
I've been really bad since then although I have noticed improvements in memory it's now more the awareness,

Again thanks for all your help, it's been a horrible 12 months, I just hope I can get my life back on track some how soon. I miss my job and I miss feeling how I use to and most of all I miss my children and feeling connected to them.

Thanks again eve,

I'm sorry to hear about your break up too,

Take care

Mark xx
Avatar universal
...just to mention supplement wise I've tried everything, from eating coconut oil ever day for 3 months, I've tried DHA, Vitamins Bs, iron, q10, flaxseed oil,
Magnesium. Multi vitamins, ginseng, pretty much everything I can read up on that's good for the brain, ive been eating healthy (when I remember to eat)
I've been eating fish and omega oils everyday,

For sleep I've tried a couple of pills bought over the counter but they don't work.

Il try that melatonin, I have herd about it before.
Thanks again.

Avatar universal

Hi Mark,

Sorry I haven't been able to respond to most recent posts. I am glad you find my comments helpful. I like helping people. As far as thanking you for my time. You are very welcome. I retired four years ago. When I was working as an elementary teacher, there never seemed to be enough time to do everything I needed to do for work etc.  Now, I have all kinds of time and I will say I really enjoy that aspect of retirement. Are you still taking the diazepam every day ? I hope you don't mind me asking you this. I am so sorry that you had that horrible reaction to the drug called sertraline. The experience you describe sounds horrifying. The side effects of certain drugs can be so horrible.  I know I have mentioned this before, but I really think your symptoms are a result of the side effects of Diazepam.
One of the rare side effects of Diazepam is headache, blurred vision, forgetfulness/confusion and rash . Common side effects of Diazepam are daytime drowsiness and dizziness/ unsteadiness. Are you taking any other drugs ? I hope I am not appearing nosey. I just want to help you if I can.
I myself take a daily dose of an  antidepressant tablet every morning.
That's it. I have asthma , so I take 2 kinds of asthma medication.
I am sorry that the last 12 months has been so hard on you. I do hope for your sake that you can get your life back on track. I can only imagine how much you miss your children. Also as a side note, I am just reading in a health resource book I have, do not drink grapefruit juice with Diazepam.
Apparently the grapefruit can increase diazepam level and I have heard
this combination of grapefruit juice and diazepam can be dangerous if taken together. There are other drugs which caution you not to drink grapefruit juice with them. The book I am referring to is called " The Canadian Guide to Drugs and Supplements ". It is published by Reader's Digest and it is an excellent resource. I refer to it often and have done for a number of years. As far as the diazepam, if you and your doctor decide that you want to stop taking the diazepam, your doctor will tell you how to get off of this drug safely. I myself try to take herbal supplements or homeopathic supplements whenever possible. Some of the potential side effects of certain prescription drugs are really dangerous and quite serious and sometimes life threatening.  I am glad you are thinking of trying the melatonin. Your body makes melatonin too so it is a more natural thing to take to help you sleep. I take 2 melatonin capsules at night to help me sleep. Melatonin capsules come in various milligram sizes : I milligram,
3 milligram, 5 milligram and even 10 milligram. I take 2 - 3 milligram tablets every night. They are non habit forming. Unlike a product like Somninex or any other over the counter pharmacy product, the Melatonin is a natural supplement. I find the over the counter sleep products and I tried quite a few of them before I found Melatonin, make you woozy the next morning and I didn't like that feeling. I also do not like prescription sleeping pills because they are habit forming and they have side effects. Anyway, enough about that. Don't let any doctor talk you into taking Lorazepam in order to help you sleep. Tell them you have heard it is highly addictive.
and that you do not want to try it.  It is also a very strong medication.
It sounds like you are taking a good variety of supplements. I started taking some fish oil supplements myself about a month ago. They were supposed to help increase clearer thinking and feeling of well being. I think they have helped me. I buy a product called VitaFishOil made by a company called VitaTree Nutritionals. The capsules are mercury free and they are an omega - 3 blend.  They have an orange taste and are easy to swallow.
Hope this doesn't sound too much like a commercial. I think they are helping me think more clearly. I have also started doing meditation for about 10 - 15 minutes a day. I also find that listening to relaxing music is helpful in keeping me calm.  When I went through my depression more than 10 years ago now, I had what can only be described as anxiety episodes. I found relaxing music with no words really helpful. Doing deep breathing and trying to think positive thoughts. Thank you saying something about my break up too. We had what  is called irreconsolable differences. We married when I was 29 years old. Our marriage only lasted for 5 years, even though we had known each other for 8 years. It seems like a life time ago now.  My ex husband and I separated in April of 1990.
My sister and her fiancée decided to get married in May of 1990 and I was her maid of honor. I was extremely happy for my sister and her now husband, but it was really hard on me. Oh well. My ex and I were separated for about a year and the separation was hard on me but I knew that we were so different in our personalities that getting back together and trying to save our marriage would have been a huge mistake. My ex husband remarried within 2 years of us divorcing. I was angry at the time which I understand is normal and part of the grieving process. When a marriage ends, it is like the death of a relationship and people go through a grieving process much like when someone passes away. It doesn't matter how long the couple have been together. My girlfriends told me I was brave for doing what I did and strong of spirit. You know trying to  cheer me up. I am sharing this with you because I know how hard a separation can be. We are both remarried and for myself, I know in my heart now that my first marriage had to end because we were just so different in personality. You sound like a really good man, Mark. I wish you strength in your healing journey. Be patient with yourself and kind to yourself and you will be okay. It takes time to heal. I know because I went through my own healing journey to regain my confidence and to start feeling well again.  I wish you peace .    Eve xx
Avatar universal

Good morning Mark,

Just wondering how you are doing today. Sorry my last post was so long.
It seems I had a lot to say. I hope your day is going okay. Take good care, Eve.
Avatar universal
Hi Mark!
I absolutely can relate to your symptoms. While other people have had similar things as me two things you mentioned are very unique: yawning & having periods of time when I feel awesome.

In August I had the worst time ever. I suddenly felt fear come over me. I fought for control over my mind. I went to the er.

In the end I found out the my Ferritin (iron) is extremely low (4 when it should be 90-150). Within 2 days of iron treatment I felt like a new person!! I am NOT anemic but just iron deficient. That explains why my issues have been overlooked.

Also - this all started 4 years ago when I had a stroke out of the blue as a 34 yr old woman. It can very suddenly.

Have you had an MRI?

I look forward to hearing how you are doing.

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