Avatar universal

Delayed Ejaculation how to fix

25. Not the most experienced in the bedroom. Masturbated a whole lot until recently. I’m getting anxious because my new girlfriend have had sex a handful of times and I have only cum once. It takes a while to finish. I don’t want her to dump me because if this and want to take steps to get this fixed. I stopped with porn, thinking it’s because of how  much I used to masturbate.  What else might be causing this? Could it all be in my head?
4 Responses
134578 tn?1614729226
Why would she dump you if you don't finish, or finish more slowly, as long as you give her a good time? Going a long time is better than a lot of boyfriends, who go too quickly and their girlfriend doesn't have time to have an orgasm herself. *Does* she have an orgasm every time? If so, you are doing well for her.

My suggestion is to talk it over, not to hold it in and get anxious (which throws cold water over a good time in bed anyway). Tell her that your focus is on her pleasure, and that if you seem to be going too long to the point where she's had all the orgasms she wants, she should tell you, and you can stop. If you take the nervousness out of it by talking about it, things might relax a bit and both of you can have a good time.
Avatar universal
This is a problem most men would kill for, or at least younger men.  Seriously, the longer you can go, the longer you can enjoy it and the longer she can enjoy it.  But the important thing about sex is, most people don't look at it like they look at other things they do.  For example, if you play a sport, I'm guessing you're getting better and learning more about it than when you started.  Same with sex.  The more you do it, and often the more partners you have, though we all wanted that first love to last forever, it just didn't, the more you learn about different ways to do it.  There are reasons some men take a long time to reach orgasm.  Often it's caused by medication.  If you have sex several times in a short period of time, it will take longer to orgasm as you go along (and they will probably get weaker as well).  If you do last an unusually long time, you can finish in other ways than intercourse.  It's all good as long as you and your partner care for each other and communicate.  Which is where the problem usually is, that it's very rare that any couple actually enjoy doing it the same way.  What one enjoys the other may not, and vice versa.  As for women reaching orgasm, when you're lucky you'll know it when they do.  Most of the time, though, you won't, and much of the time they don't.  If they don't tell you this you won't know, because not everyone is demonstrative when they do reach orgasm.  With a man, you always know, because of the ejaculation.  With a woman, you will only know for sure if you get to know her well.  Some women fake it to get it over with.  Life is not ever completely equal when it comes to people, and men and women are not the same.  I wouldn't overthink this stuff, therefore, but just enjoy yourself, do the best you can to make sure she does too, but also recognize it's her responsibility to make it happen for her since you will most often not really know.  When you're lucky, though, do know that unlike you, women can reach orgasm many times to your one, if they choose to do that and like to do that, but your one will probably be a lot more powerful actually if you do delay it.  The above asks, does she have an orgasm every time, and that's why I'm saying, with most women you really won't know.  Now, when you are in a serious relationship and your older and more experienced, it's much easier to talk it over and also you get to know the person better and yet even then, I've been in relationships for years where I can't tell you if the woman had an orgasm or not and been in ones where she has one so loud and powerful every few seconds you wonder at the miracle of it all.  Don't expect it to always be what someone else tells you it should be, life is always full of surprises.  The kicker is, sex is really a lot of fun but it's never the glue to a serious relationship.  When it is the glue, it's okay to enjoy that but don't mistake the joy of orgasm with the joy of intimacy and love.  Peace.
207091 tn?1337709493
How delayed are we talking about? Are you giving yourself enough time?

It's always good to talk to your doctor about it to rule out any kind of physical reason that might be causing this. Once that's ruled out, you can figure out why it's happening with your girlfriend.

Are you really worried about pleasing her? Do you feel anxious?

Are you going right into sex, or are you doing any kind of foreplay?

There are a lot of factors to consider, and it's something you can work out with your doctor. This article may help - https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/delayed-ejaculation/symptoms-causes/syc-20371358

Avatar universal
Thanks for the responses. I would say over 30 mins.. I just feel bad that I can’t finish or it takes a whole lot of effort on her end after she’s already finished/tired. For instance, we can go a couple rounds and she’s loving it, but then I can’t finish. I get anxious as soon as I notice it’s taking long. I have only been able to cum twice from oral after we’ve been going for a while. It feels better every time, not sure if it will just get better over time or if it’s worth talking to a dr.
As I said, I have this problem and have for years but I got it from antidepressants, and it stayed even when I stopped taking them.  Permanent side effect.  It's a very common side effect of many drugs that affect serotonin and other brain neurotransmitters.  It can also be a side effect, of course, of drugs intended for people with ED.  Most men would, as I also said, kill to have this "problem," as we have a historical bias about size and duration, but it's probably true that while some women who are very sexual and have lots of orgasms like this, most probably get tired and women with dryness problems can get pretty sore.  I can think of a couple ways of trying to deal with it, though I can't promise they'll work.  One is to have a lot of foreplay before intercourse.  It's possible one reason it takes me so long, assuming these days after prostate surgery I can get an erection at all, is that when I was young I started having sex before women were ready to have intercourse, and so we just did all the other stuff.  I liked it a lot, and also just assumed that's how people did it and liked it, and so until I got into middle age that's how I did it.  It's how I learned.  I'm guessing now maybe those women didn't want that, but I'll never know.  My wife, who I've been with for a lot of years now, doesn't like foreplay, and so because I'm the more adaptable person we don't.  But if you do, by the time you get to intercourse you're extremely turned on and more ready to orgasm.  So, one possibility.  Another is marijuana, which I won't push because I'm not so sure the strong stuff out there these days is all that wise to use regularly, but it also greatly increases the intensity of the experience and, coupled with foreplay, will also make you just a lot more turned on by the time you start intercourse.  So just two possibilities.  But to me, a half hour isn't a particularly long time, really.  Who wants to climax right away anyway, unless it's a quickie with time constraints?  The longer you go the stronger the orgasm.  If it were taking an hour, that would be more of a problem.  And I'm guessing that if meds or some other condition aren't involved, the older you get, the less this will be a problem.  A final thought:  sometimes we have sex with people we're not all that into.  That also diminishes how turned on we get, and how turned on we get has a lot to do with how quickly and strongly a man ejaculates.  Peace.
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