Men's Health Community
13.5k Members
Avatar universal

Embarrassing, but apparently common?

Ok, So I'm 25 and have an embarrassing, but apparently somewhat common problem. When I need it to, I can't get it up. I recently got out of a VERY long relationship. 11.5 years actually. Yeah, almost half my life with the same girl. Never had much issue sexually with her, although the problem would show up once in a blue moon. It's been about 3 months now and have been talking to an old friend from high school. Things have been going pretty well, and last night, for the first time in a while, we attempted to have sex. Mentally I've been pretty excited for this to happen, however last night, I was nothing but disappointed. She is a very pretty girl, and when i needed my "member" to show up, he was MIA. I was very embarrassed. I tried to continue with other things, such as oral, and just closeness and intimacy, hoping that I would gain an erection, but to no avail. Not once did I wonder or think about my long time ex, so  I don't believe that's the cause, but I'm not sure. Could it be something subconscious relating to her? I feel it is worth mentioning that I did drink some wine to try and take of the edge, but that did not help at all. I "blamed it on the alcohol", but now I fear for the next time, when alcohol wont be a factor. I'm young, fit, don't normally drink, ever really, i don't smoke, and I'm a relatively healthy person. I believe my issues are psychological, but am unsure of how to overcome them. I fear now that i will be thinking about it every time sex is even thought of, and I will be unable to perform. The upsetting part is, when I'm home alone, i get erections for no apparent reason. Especially when i wake up in the morning. So hard it almost hurts. So I'm pretty sure it's all in my head. I'm just not sure how to go about not thinking about it so much. Like I said, just the thought of sex, when I know its a possibility, raises questions that i cannot control, and then I just mentally beat myself from that point on. I'm too young to be having this problem, and am really into this new girl and don't want to disappoint her. I know if I could just get it up, their wouldn't be a problem. I have no worries about performance as long as "he" is awake, the problem is just getting him up. I'm no doctor, but like i said, i feel it is obvious that my problem is anxiety/psychological. Can anyone help me? or refer me to someone/something that can help? I thought about viagra or its alternatives, but after reading several posts and forums, I do not believe this will help. I need to not think so much about it when the time comes, and just enjoy the feeling. But I am having serious problems doing so, and the more the problem persists, the worse it gets. Someone, please help
1 Responses
1667242 tn?1487954147
You are describing classical performance anxiety erectile dysfunction. You are in the audience watching yourself. You need to come down out of there or your Ed becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This is very easy to fix especially now that you have a new girlfriend. You need to share this with her and take intercourse off the menu completely for a few weeks. No performance on anxiety. See to it that her needs are being met in the meantime. Then in a few weeks when you have a half decent erection she comes on top of you, puts your penis into her vagina and does all the work. You just lie there and do NOTHING. You are not on duty. No performance no anxiety.
Top Men's Health Answerers
1622896 tn?1562368567
London, United Kingdom
139792 tn?1498589250
Indore, India
11369760 tn?1449507972
Southwest , MI
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Get the facts about this disease that affects more than 240,000 men each year.
How to lower your heart attack risk.
Here are 12 simple – and fun! – ways to boost your brainpower.
Sean Cummings discusses which available erectile dysfunction treatments may have the best outcome for you
They got it all wrong: Why the PSA test is imperative for saving lives from prostate cancer
10 prostate cancer misconceptions debunked.