Hi there. Well, it sounds like you have had a difficult past and you are really struggling with your sexuality. I would definitely recommend seeing a counselor to help you cope with some of the past events, and to come to terms with whoever you are.
There are no "rules" to being a man. Whether you are gay, straight, or bisexual, you are uniquely you, and your life will be much better and more peaceful if you come to terms with who YOU are, not who you think you should be. There's no set standard for "normal" either.
I really think you would benefit from counseling to help sort through the issues and to help you accept yourself.