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Love and The Circumcision facts are killing me

my name is light am 23 years old weight is 80 and height is 176

as the title shows i suffer from circumcision
let me tell you my story so you can help in the best way please feel me i need help
i promise everything i say in this story is related to my problem.

Ii was born in saudi arabia ,In this country there are a lot of difficulties that makes life as bad as hell
.When i was a kid i was so abused by my father(in a violent way) it started when i was 6 he got angry at me because our neighbors (in the same building ) needed some lemons at night and i didn't deliver them because i was scared from the dark then he asked me three times with anger why didn't you deliver the lemons? and when i answered in a low voice i am scared of the darkness he literally carried up and threw me to the table and broke it and then he spitted on my face saying (**** the cowards) i didn't know this feeling this is the first time i get hurt this bad it left a huge hole in my heart i have never forgot that moment ,Life went on and this kind of stuff was happening on a daily basis everyday i tell myself its ok life is going to get better.

At 9 i started to have sleep paralysis almost everyday i couldn't sleep at night, i got so nervous and scared when its time to sleep ,I used to wait everyday until the sunrise and then sleep for 30min to 1 hour until my mother wakes me to go to school and when i get back i wasn't allowed to sleep in the day at all
.After that life got even worse i got bullied at school everyday because i was the only white kid in school others were brown,Bullying in this country is not just physically in a bad way it can get to sexual bullying and it will get to that every day.But as always i used to tell myself this is temporary and i can survive ,and again life went on ...slowly.

After a while A lot of things happened i grew up with a cold look ,I saw all humans as stupid people who can't understand me and i thought that the people on this world hate me.
But there was one thing that i was certainly and always knew i wanted .It was someone who can give me just a one hug and tell me i will be fine.

when i got older i always knew that i was going to find that person but i got hit again with life because it is not only that we are not allowed to study in mixed gender schools,In this country its forbidden to get a girlfriend the only way you can live with someone is through marriage and the problem is marriage is not as cheap as you think at least you need to pay 40000$ us dollars to get married.

You can see where is this heading...to hell,But all these difficulties weren't stopping me and i said to myself its ok ill try my best to get a job and pay to break this wall apart and everything will be ok and ill get the life i was dreaming of

The problem is in this country if you only graduate of school you will Not have any job they will pay you as less as 15$ dollars per day but if you got a bachlor they will pay you up to 85$ dollars perday

so i needed to finish my bachelor to get to that person.
The universities are free of charge in my country because its considered rich.But that is not the whole picture because of that the education is not only bad its the worst that you can get so i dropped from the university and i got into college i graduated and got my diploma and now am studying for my bachlor,After a while i started to read a lot and here is where life hit me hard again...

i found out i have Face Blindness Disorder its a disease gets to you if you got hit in the head or didn't grow in a psychologically healthy environment i got angry even more at my father and life,But i said its Still going to be ok when i get to her
,And now in 2015 i heared the worst thing i ever did ,Its the only information that i wished i never knew and regretted known it ,Circumcision
this word made me hate the world to the point where i just wan't to suicide regardless of the fact that its forbidden in my religion ,they taught us that if we suicide we will go to hell ,And i am reconsidering my options,Because i couldn't tell my self this time its ok it was not ok and it will never be ok

tons of facts say that circumcision is affecting the penis sensitivity and a lot of the times men can't ejaculate more than once and even some can't ejaculate at all so they use their hands

statics say women are 5 times more likely to feel "Used" after having sex with a circumcised man and and 5 times more likely to feel like its the best thing happened to her with an uncircumcised man

after reading too much about this subject i realized that circumcised men can't fall in much love with his women but Uncircumcised men can

i heared a lot of ways to reverse the circumcision and they are true you can reverse the skin only but the nerves will never  return
i don't know what to do at this point i am feeling my hands are heavy while i am writing thinking no one will actually help or even care.
there is no word can describe what i feel and i have no one to live with.and i feel like i can't live with anyone because i don't have the rights to marry a complete women when i am not complete.

i apologize if i wen't in too much details i am sorry
this is my pain and i shared it with you but it still feels the same ...

thank you.

8 Responses
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134578 tn?1716963197
Typo -- where it says above "I think the challenge for you is not going to be in how when someone has been abused as a child it can be hard to behave in a loving and trusting way" -- what got dropped out is an entire phrase, it should have said "is not going to be in having a normal sexual relationship but instead will be in how when someone has been abused..."  In other words, the cruel abuse of your father can make it harder to have a normal emotional relationship as an adult.  I don't think it is hopeless, quite the opposite, but you do need to consciously break the chain of abuse so you never pass it on to the next generation or to your wife.  
Helpful - 0
139792 tn?1498585650
You must have read about theories against circumcision . Now you read vies  in favor of cicumcision. There are two schools of thought on this subject. However It is not as serious as you think.Important nerve endings are removed with foreskin. However glans become less sensitive allowing you to resist ejaculation.
Helpful - 0
134578 tn?1716963197
It is interesting to read about face blindness.  People who have it learn to identify others by other cues,  I assume you have been able to look up some sites that discuss face blindness and the ways it is managed.

I know that you have a lot on your plate, more than most people, just to get through the day.  I don't know why some people are dealt such an unfair package to begin life and others are not, and why some people fail and others don't (and these are not the same two groups -- some people with no big challenges and a lot of benefits still fail, and other people born into horrendous circumstances whom life seems to have treated very unfairly by comparison are able to succeed).  But at the least you should know that in no society in the world is what your father did all right, you did not bring it on yourself, and what CurfewX said above is true, there is nothing about circumcision that causes a bad sex life.  You are not doomed by any of these things, though I am sure the scarring from your father is far more serious than the circumcision. (In the US, where more than half of men are circumcised, it is held up as more healthy by medical organizations because of the risk of HPV, and I suppose it is stupid to mention this but even all the porno actors are circumcised -- as you can see it is considered more normal and sexy, if they will only choose circumcised guys for their films.)  The propaganda you heard about circumcision sounds so strange that it seems almost crazy.  In your shoes I would dismiss it totally.

I think the challenge for you is not going to be in how when someone has been abused as a child, it can be hard to behave in a loving and trusting way consistently with a partner when one becomes an adult.  One of the saddest things about abuse is that it also provides an early role model, and the child learns bad patterns of what someone does when angry and does not learn how to trust or how to handle temper in a practical way.  If you can, while you are readying yourself to try to meet someone and have a happier life, please get some counseling or read some books on the topic of human relationships so you will be ready to be levelheaded in the face of day to day life issues..  It does not sound like you are in the habit of lashing out, but it wouldn't frankly be surprising if you were (given your horrible father and what he did).  It would be good to try to work on emotional management tools for yourself now, so you'll be ready for the sweet person who someday will come into your life.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi guys
i have red all your comments
i never thought that a support over the internet might actually help me in real life
i really appreciate this support even though life is moving slowly for me you made me see a colorful light of hope
thank you my friends .
Helpful - 0
134578 tn?1716963197
Please also know, the brutal abuse you suffered is not fair, not deserved, and wrong at every level.  Never think that you deserved it or brought it on yourself.  When you meet a woman and get interested, one way you can tell if she is "the one" is how well  she treats you and how nurturing she is.  Good luck and may God finally bless you with some peace.
Helpful - 0
134578 tn?1716963197
More men in the u.s. are circumcised than not, especially in past generations.  It does not affect their sex life or their wives' enjoyment of the sex.
Helpful - 0
16363061 tn?1447297306
Things will get better Light, keep your head up.
Helpful - 0
3191940 tn?1717500602
Wow, I'm really sorry to hear you have been through so much sadness and trauma, and that you are still going through it.

I'm not sure who told you all of that about circumcision, but it sounds like someone has given you a LOT of bad information.  Many men are perfectly happy being circumcised.  My husband is circumcised, and he has no issues.  

"statics say women are 5 times more likely to feel "Used" after having sex with a circumcised man and and 5 times more likely to feel like its the best thing happened to her with an uncircumcised man " - this sounds like complete nonsense, and sure sounds like someone fabricated these "statistics."  I'm sorry that you have been lied to all of this time, but people have told you things that are simply NOT true.

I'm sorry you are having suicidal thoughts due to being circumcised, but it is NOT worth all of that, I promise!  Circumcision may not be that common in Saudi Arabia, but it is quite common in the U.S., and most men and women go on to have satisfying sexual relationships, regardless of whether a man is circumcised or not.  

Helpful - 0

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