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Porn
My husband and I have been married 10 years, together 12. During our time together we have watched porn and experimented sexually. He says he is happy with me, our marriage and our sex life. The one thing we agreed to early on is that we would not pay for porn and we would be honest with each other about watching it.
For the past few months, my husband has raked me over the coals over any money I spent. He gets upset over haircuts, groceries, diapers, etc. He complains about our credit card constantly. When I have mentioned buying porn in the past, he's shot it down. Give all of this, why would he purchase a subscription to porn, put it on our credit card (the one he ******* about 24/7) and then go to great lengths to hide his frequent viewing of it? I accidently ran across the link as I was typing in another link (non porn related) and went to the link to see what picture it was. Now as this thing with porn comes out here comes various lies that I have been told and the realization that there have been numerous times he chose porn over our family. In other words--he chose to watch porn on an IPod in his car or whatever room he could be alone in over spending time with his wife and children.
I am perplexed as to why he would feel such a need to buy porn, sneak around and why it would take precedence over his family. Last night he cried and apologized. He told me he knew it would hurt and upset me when I found out and he wanted to cancel the subscription for that reason but didn't for some reason. My response was he didn't because he didn't care that I would be hurt and upset. As I told him--if he had been upfront I would have been fine and used it myself. The sneaking around and apparant addiction bothers me.
Am I wrong to be upset? Should I just buy a new subscription and let him know it's there if he wants it?
For the past few months, my husband has raked me over the coals over any money I spent. He gets upset over haircuts, groceries, diapers, etc. He complains about our credit card constantly. When I have mentioned buying porn in the past, he's shot it down. Give all of this, why would he purchase a subscription to porn, put it on our credit card (the one he ******* about 24/7) and then go to great lengths to hide his frequent viewing of it? I accidently ran across the link as I was typing in another link (non porn related) and went to the link to see what picture it was. Now as this thing with porn comes out here comes various lies that I have been told and the realization that there have been numerous times he chose porn over our family. In other words--he chose to watch porn on an IPod in his car or whatever room he could be alone in over spending time with his wife and children.
I am perplexed as to why he would feel such a need to buy porn, sneak around and why it would take precedence over his family. Last night he cried and apologized. He told me he knew it would hurt and upset me when I found out and he wanted to cancel the subscription for that reason but didn't for some reason. My response was he didn't because he didn't care that I would be hurt and upset. As I told him--if he had been upfront I would have been fine and used it myself. The sneaking around and apparant addiction bothers me.
Am I wrong to be upset? Should I just buy a new subscription and let him know it's there if he wants it?
Not the solution. Something, with or without porn is out of balance and can probably be restored. Either way why would you need to subscribe to porn with so much stuff available for the taking on the net.
Actually, I felt sad. I feel sad because he admitted that. I found hardcore porn last night and watched it. I've offered to buy subscriptions both last night and today. If that's what makes him happy, okay. Fine. Whatever he wants.
You have both discussed porn, but maybe the fantasies he has , he feels might offend you? Either way you have said it takes precedence over his family. Think about how and why you said that and what you felt as you said it? Power? Satisfaction?
If you view this as a problem then the two of you need to talk this out or maybe ask him to show you his favorite video and you try to find one that has your favorite fantasy and go from there.
Sex is a microcosm of everything else in a relationship, and reacting in anger causes more anger and solves nothing.
If you view this as a problem then the two of you need to talk this out or maybe ask him to show you his favorite video and you try to find one that has your favorite fantasy and go from there.
Sex is a microcosm of everything else in a relationship, and reacting in anger causes more anger and solves nothing.
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