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Sexual Disfunction

I need help and looking for a womans point of view.
6 months ago I met a wonderful lady. However, from the start, she explained that she had a lot of issues. Our ability to communicate is exceptional so I felt confident that we could work through whatever that may be.  I am also a pretty easy going person so I know that patients works well for me.

We had pretty good sex at first, then I had discovered through discussion with her that she began to feel guilty because I wasnt geting my needs met. I have a high sex drive and only wanted it a few times a week.  Turns out that every time she new I wanted it, she felt like I was going to leave her if she didn't give me sex.  

We both love each other a great deal and I don't want this to be a sticking point, but It is.  I feel close, connected, and enjoy making love.  She on the other hand has two issues with it.

1. She feels that If I do not have sex with her, then I am there for her and not just the sex.
2. She was raped at an early age and has shut off sexually, she only does it to keep the man.

Now, she did  have sex on a regular bases, but once in a relationship, it seems to repeat itself, she shuts down. I had agreed that I would not approach her to have sex, to give her space, to make her feel comftorable with me.  However, no matter how I try, I am growing insecure becuase we simply aren't having sex.  

We live together and have done so for the past 6 months and I can really see myself staying with her forever. I love this lady and just don't know how to overcome her fears.  I am not even sure if it is possible considering that sex to her is not an emotional attachment, more or less, just for the guy and to get off.

There is much more to it, but I beleive I captured the core issue.
2 Responses
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880499 tn?1240504818
It sounds to me that her problem is very deep seeded. I don't think that any amount of your love and patience will cure it until she seeks professional help. I have never been in her shoes, but I could imagine that rape would leave some serious emotional scars. If you really love her, give her time and urge her to get professional help.
Helpful - 0
506570 tn?1215836300
I cannot really put myself in your partners place bacuse I have never been through what she has.  
Have you tried oral sex with her?? Does she or would she enjoy it.  I know personally that I would love for my partner to surprise me with a session where everything was focused on me and my pleasure.  Leave the sex out of it and just kiss, cuddle and caress her where she enjoys it.  Focus on her and bringing her to climax and thats it.

Maybe that will help with her idea that sex is just for you and your pleasure.
  
Helpful - 0
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