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Why have I never sustained a good enough erection for penetrative sex?

Hello. Apologies for the length of this story, but I feel it's quite complex.

I am a 20 year old male. Spanning right back to the age of 16, when I had my first sexual encounter with my girlfriend at the time, I have NEVER, not even once, been able to achieve an erection hard enough for penetrative sex.

I was fascinated with sex from an early age. I remember still being in my early school years (age 9-11) and being aroused simply by a woman's exposed legs in a Women's Health Magazine. From age 12 onwards, I would likely use internet pornography around 2-3 times a week. When I was a tad older, in my earlier adolescence (age 12-15) I remember that in school, I would have sexual fantasies CONSTANTLY about women I was attracted to. I couldn't wait for the day that the possibility of sex could finally happen to me. I remember being constantly distracted in school because of the urge to masturbate over this one teacher I was attracted to. Then, finally, on the day aforementioned with my girlfriend at age 16, we begin kissing intensely in bed, and all I'm thinking is "Meh. I'm not that excited. I'm not even that hard, if at all". She grabs for my penis, begins to jerk (bearing in mind this is a semi) and all I feel is: numb. No excitement, no butterflies, no hard erection. I provide her with foreplay simultaneously, she asks me to penetrate her, I try, fail, and she says, quite sympathetically, "you're not ready". I was with her for around 2-3 months, and although we may have tried only around  3-4 times, all other bases were reached other than actual sex.

I may have had maybe a handful more encounters with not-quite-girlfriends since that time, and the story would always repeat. Interestingly enough, I would have sex dreams about these partners and awaken with an erection, but never have anything quite so intense in person. I would continue to be consistently aroused and masturbate to internet porn in the meantime however.

This is incredibly upsetting and anxiety provoking for me. It has reached the point where I view sex as something to fear, something difficult, something that will induce embarrassment. I have consulted doctors who have discovered no possible physiological condition, and so I am certain it is psychological. All others who have made such an enquiry on this site seem to have used to, or at least once, achieved periods of good sex. Why is this happening to me? Has anyone heard of a story like mine before? Is sex counselling what I require?
2 Responses
Avatar universal
Hi Mike, you're not focused enough on your own experience. When you masturbate, you switch from the action to the feeling and back again. The more awareness you put on the feeling, the more it grows in intensity. Your problem is a distracted mind. You need to know how to balance your sexual focus so you initially get hard, then stay hard during foreplay, penetration and intercourse, then are able to control the timing of when you ejaculate to ensure you are both fulfilled.  
Avatar universal
Its highly likely that porn is the culprit here.  Do some research on NO FAP, you will come across many people with the same issue your having.
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