Chronic mental illness, unless you find a physiological reason for it, makes no sense. Trying to turn it into something logical just doesn't end up getting anywhere. Some of us develop mental illness because of traumatic things that happen to us and some of us just have it and never find any original trigger for it. Either way, when you get to the point where you are suicidal and are hospitalized, you need to have a permanent psychiatrist and a psychologist as well if your psychiatrist doesn't do therapy until such time as the problem goes away, which it might and might not. The fact you don't like your current practitioner means you need to find a different one you do like. Usually, people come out of hospitalization on medication. Are you on meds? And don't be afraid to tell your parents. You need support. We all can use support. Some of us can get it, some of us can't, but do try. If you stay under care of a professional, you can both work on adjusting to your changes and can also keep you working on trying to figure it all out so maybe one day you can overcome the whole mess. You're young, and that's an advantage -- you have energy and are adaptable, more so than you think. But you do need help.
This response is quite late and I apologize. I just joined MedHelp and I thought I could help with this.
Unless you are unsafe, there is no need to go back to a hospital. I understand the fear that someone will turn you away or think your problems do not matter. A real professional would never turn their back on a patient in need, I can assure you that as a licensed therapist. These mental health problems are completely normal, don't worry! I tend to tell patients to visualize depression as tornado-like spirals stacked on top of each other or a rollercoaster. You will get better and feel better than you ever have and then go through a horrible low. You can get through this, though, and there are people who care about you. You are not alone in this fight!
I suggest getting a therapist if you haven't already. They can tell you how to fight this battle and win, but only if you are honest and open to them. They won't judge you or turn you away, no matter what you think. I have been where you are now- As a matter of fact, I'm going through a low point right now! However, I know that I can get through this because I've done it before.
Unless you attempt suicide or are heavily considering it, I suggest sticking with therapy. I can recommend practices to you if you like. A hospital can help, especially going partial in-patient, but it is not necessary.
I hope this comment helped!
TL;DR: I suggest getting therapy instead of going to a hospital. What you are experiencing is normal.