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Avatar universal

Do i need to go back to hospital?

Im 19 with a long history of mental health issues from a very young age. Ive recently spent 6 months in a psych unit andnwas discharged early march 2018. Since then things have been good but yet all over the place and since xmas things have been going down hill for me...  im extremely paranoid/anxious/suspicious. My memory has been very bad too as i make alot of mistakes at work i normally wouldnt do and then struggle to remember them. My sleep and appetite have gone to polar opposites too. I have been feeling very low and emotionless but at times also very hyped and wired up. Since xmas ive been struggling alot with suicidal thoughts and lately they have been alot stronger then normal almost like someone is shouting what is going on in my head to my face and ive also been back self harming but only small and not as much as normal. ( i was clean for a few months before now).  I have a diagnosis of Adhd and Odd and borderline traits and was under the care of my local MH team but they have messed up so bad ive refused to go back to them as they always did more damage then good and i felt so let down and disappointed by their lack of care and support. Im currently feeling suicidal and i have urges to act on it but for now im safe. Im worried and im not sure what to do despite ive been in this situation a million times before. Im scared to tell my parents as they will be angry and disappointed and worried about me but if i go to seek help ill be refused at the door and not taken seriously.  Nothing has happened to trigger this , it tends to come on out of nowehere which i hate but it can last for weeks or even months with no positive change. I want to get help but im so scared and worried on what to do or what to say to someone as i know i wont be taken seriously and even if i am there wouldnt be much help given to me
2 Responses
Avatar universal
Chronic mental illness, unless you find a physiological reason for it, makes no sense.  Trying to turn it into something logical just doesn't end up getting anywhere.  Some of us develop mental illness because of traumatic things that happen to us and some of us just have it and never find any original trigger for it.  Either way, when you get to the point where you are suicidal and are hospitalized, you need to have a permanent psychiatrist and a psychologist as well if your psychiatrist doesn't do therapy until such time as the problem goes away, which it might and might not.  The fact you don't like your current practitioner means you need to find a different one you do like.  Usually, people come out of hospitalization on medication.  Are you on meds?  And don't be afraid to tell your parents.  You need support.  We all can use support.  Some of us can get it, some of us can't, but do try.  If you stay under care of a professional, you can both work on adjusting to your changes and can also keep you working on trying to figure it all out so maybe one day you can overcome the whole mess.  You're young, and that's an advantage -- you have energy and are adaptable, more so than you think.  But you do need help.  
Great advice. Really very helpful.
Avatar universal
This response is quite late and I apologize. I just joined MedHelp and I thought I could help with this.

Unless you are unsafe, there is no need to go back to a hospital. I understand the fear that someone will turn you away or think your problems do not matter. A real professional would never turn their back on a patient in need, I can assure you that as a licensed therapist. These mental health problems are completely normal, don't worry! I tend to tell patients to visualize depression as tornado-like spirals stacked on top of each other or a rollercoaster. You will get better and feel better than you ever have and then go through a horrible low. You can get through this, though, and there are people who care about you. You are not alone in this fight!

I suggest getting a therapist if you haven't already. They can tell you how to fight this battle and win, but only if you are honest and open to them. They won't judge you or turn you away, no matter what you think. I have been where you are now- As a matter of fact, I'm going through a low point right now! However, I know that I can get through this because I've done it before.

Unless you attempt suicide or are heavily considering it, I suggest sticking with therapy. I can recommend practices to you if you like. A hospital can help, especially going partial in-patient, but it is not necessary.

I hope this comment helped!

TL;DR: I suggest getting therapy instead of going to a hospital. What you are experiencing is normal.
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