Avatar universal

How to deal with a hypocritical mother?

I'm at the end of my rope right now—no, I think I've fallen off it already. I absolutely cannot stand my mother anymore. She's a HUGE hypocrite and possibly a manipulator. Let me give a backstory:

She has suffered enormous abuse in her life. And with this abuse she has a tendency to want to sit me down all the time and 'tell' me her story. I put 'tell' in quotes because she doesn't talk to me about events in her life, she screams at me about it. I also feel like I'm walking on eggshells while this happens, because she wants me to engage and show compassion and empathy for her but somehow the smallest of questions I ask in attempt to show care make her go ballistic. I've been reallyyy getting tired of having to sit and be her emotional punching bag. This is like a daily thing, I'll be doing homework or something and she'll make me drop everything to sit and listen to her screaming about an event that happened 20 yrs ago.

Let me try to summarize what recently happened in short points:

- She starts angrily telling me about an event from years ago. Now, I understand she has a right to be angry, but does that make it right for her to take it out on me? I tell her, "I don't want to be screamed at. Talk to me like a normal human being. Stop screaming at me." It is at this statement when she goes ballistic.
- "I'm not your emotional punching bag." I respond. "IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU" she says. "I never said it was?? I just prefer to talk, not be screamed at thank you." I respond.
- "Shut up. Shut the f--ck up" she says.

That triggers me. I'm pissed off at this point. I tell her to f-off.

Then what happens? After she triggers me, she starts to calm down and says "see? where is your self control? look how violent you are." (coming from the same person who literally has 0 self control and spends her days taking her anger out on me). She LOVES to do this. She'll be in the wrong and knows just what buttons to push to tick me, so she could turn it around on me. "I NEVER use any cursing.." she says, after she literally just cursed me out.

And what pisses me off even more? Since I was 10 years old we've always had arguments, and whenever I'd raise my voice she would tell me "you are jeopardizing our lives." Meanwhile, just yesterday she was literally screaming at me outside, in public. I tell her "YOU'RE jeopardizing our lives now. STOP screaming." She tells me "oh! outside is nothing..everybody screams outside" (what??) "I only scream before 10pm." (She literally had a whole screaming episode a week ago at 12:30am. When I point this out, she denies it. As usual). She seems to always have an excuse for herself, but when I do wrong, often when it something that she's done herself, all hell breaks lose.

And, on top of all that, she LOVES to preach Christianity, about jesus and about "purifying your heart" yet SHE'S THE MOST ANGRY, NON-CHRIST-LIKE PERSON. I'm sorry but I'm fed up. I've TRIED to be calm, I've tried to be respectful but she's gotten on my last nerve. I don't know what to do anymore.
She's so bitchy and hypocritical, she's the biggest hypocrite I've ever dealt with in my life. I can't stand her anymore. Should I just give her the silent treatment? How can I refrain from cursing or responding to her? I've tried to be polite and calm but it hasn't worked. I just end up getting angry all over again.

Points to know:
- I'm 17, a senior in highschool. Not sure if I'll be leaving to university or not. Don't know if I'm ready to live in a dorm with a stranger but I also cannot stand living with my mom anymore.
- It's just me and her. I don't have any siblings or extended family to talk to about this/who could help me deal with her. That's why I'm here.
1 Responses
Avatar universal
My mom was that and abusive to boot. She would act like she was the most liberal person on this earth, That everything I did was wrong. Life was hell with her. Would always meddle with my friendship with other girls, try to prove she was hip and young. But was traditional to boot. I told her off once I grew up. Till then I stayed away from her by getting engaged in internship (anything that would keep me away from her radar).  My brother understood my situation. So formed a better connection with him and used him as sounding board regarding my life's decision. Polite and Calm don't work on these people. Just find someone for the support and get away once you are strong enough to leave..
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