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Avatar universal

I think I have PTSD

In 2014, a girl I was in love with caused me harm, that led to my first depressive phase ever. After a year I thought I got over it but for the love of god I couldn't get her out of my head. Ever since then, I would end up remembering the trauma and falling back into depression on a yearly basis. The triggers can be, seeing her, seeing any relative of hers, even seeing someone that looks like her can cause me to get depressed again and even hurt myself or even worse, attempt suicide.

I tried to bring this up in my therapy but my therapist wasn't at all interested in talking about this and seemingly put *me* at fault. I know I'm not completely innocent but that isn't a way to speak to a patient - I think - especially one that was considering suicide. I stopped going to that therapist a while after this occurred, but It's too expensive to go to other people.



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13167 tn?1327194124
What do you mean by the therapist "put you at fault"?
Helpful - 2
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Like she said, that I also caused that person harm even though I didn't. Maybe she didn't understand the issue clearly. However, during my sessions I noticed that she had this sort of bias against me, It could be just me talking out of my ass but she's the only therapist that's affordable for me right now (based in Lebanon)
Avatar universal
First of all, considering suicide in the first place is out of the question, there is nothing LITERALLY NOTHING in this world deserve to make a person suicide, there is a solution for everything but you need go be patient and strong.

About your problem i believe this is what's called " heart break" and in my opinion i think there's something physical inside our bodies that actually gets affected by this sad and depressive events and specially if you were a teenager back then,  it's was easier to get hurt and it would keep following you, as an adult you know what's wrong and what's right, you can convince yourself and get over things that bother you but as a teenager it's the first time you face something like this.

I faced something similar in 2016 it was my first and last time i loved a girl, even tho it wasn't actually love i mean we were immature no idea what we are doing nor feeling but i was a teenager and i believed that this was love so it hurt me more then i expected and since then i never wanted more than friendship with girls and i was very clear and straightforward about it but still whenever a girl tries to cross this line it would always bring me back to 2016 i feel ache in my heart like there is emptiness in there and anything related to love would always remind me of her specially of the best moment i had with her i can clearly see her in front of me with every little detail of this moment.

I hope one day you meet a better person that could fill the emptiness in your heart just don't give up and be patient you never know when that person will step in your life.
Helpful - 1
4 Comments
Hi there. Welcome to the group. I really like your post and thank you for sharing your thoughts. It's funny how our body holds trauma, isn't it? I guess funny isn't the right word. But it does. We have a physical sensation with painful memories. How have you treated that sadness within you? Did you see a therapist? Have you had other relationships but that time period in 2016 still affects you?
Hey, thank you, i am not sad i moved on after a while but this ache in the heart is always there whenever i remember her, and no i never got into a relationship and not intending to, and i did not see a therapist but i think the solution is to just find the right person and you'll forget about it, also i discussed it with people that are very close to me and it made me feel better.
I do think time heals. I had a bad break up, well, I got DUMPED, and it took awhile. I did date during that time but nothing clicked. Then I met my husband and we've been married over two decades. So, take time to heal. I think working on what your values are helps in finding the person you can be with that matches those. We have a relationships forum here at the site (under communities in the top tool bar). you'll find your person!  Hang in there.
Heyy again, thank you so much for your help and i am really happy for you after what you've been through it.
I don't think i'll need this relationship forum, i have no intention at all of dating, not anytime soon atleast :) i'll focus on my career for now and thanks again for your kind words i appreciate it you're very sweet <3
13167 tn?1327194124
Let me rephrase that.  What you need,  in therapy,  isn't necessarily to rehash who hurt who in a relationship.  You need strategies on how to get "unstuck" from this grief,  that is likely not grief about the relationship,  but is something else and you're referring that grief on this relationship.  The fact that you felt better a year after the breakup,  is an indication that distress that you're experiencing isn't really  caused by this relationship,  but something else that you're not realizing and addressing.  

Helpful - 0
13167 tn?1327194124
Well,  what were you specifically seeking in therapy?  If you're seeking to lessen symptoms of PTSD,  or anxiety,  can you google anxiety or PTSD?  To have those strategies be affective,  you don't really have to discuss the cause of the anxiety.

Best wishes.
Helpful - 0
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