So you're going to ruin her future by denying her college, a decision that isn't even really yours, because she got drunk and might be smoking pot? Hate to tell you this, but sixty years olds are doing this too. You can't protect her from life. You can only try to teach her by example and legitimate information to do what's best for her. I also hate to tell you this, but all the best students when I was in school were doing these things and a lot more. I don't really know how one would stop it. Even if you could prevent her from going to college, you would probably just accelerate these kinds of things -- college may be fun but it also keeps one pretty busy. I wouldn't be happy if my daughter were out of her mind drunk either, and it is something to talk to her about, as alcohol overuse leads to some pretty bad outcomes. It's a teaching moment, but only if you don't panic and go overboard and find a way to talk to someone that age that doesn't sound like something to tune out, and that's not easy. I'd worry a lot less about pot, frankly, than alcohol overuse just on safety grounds and doing crazy things. But you know, young people are going to have fun one way or the other and again, the best we can do is share our mistakes with them and give them true info and hope for the best and if things do get out of hand be there to take action then. Now, spring break in a pandemic? That's just nuts. Nobody should be doing that right now, so on that one, I'm with you all the way. Peace.
Hi. I can understand concern for our kids especially when they have been through a mental health crisis such as an eating disorder. I'm glad she's recovered from that but it does always make you a bit more concerned for other 'issues' coming out. I agree with paxiled, discussions with her about the worries of the drinking and getting high and what consequences could result seems important. I agree too without panicing and going overboard. Girls have added risks of sexual assault by being inebriated. That's scary.
Letting our kids go off to college is a bit terrifying for parents. And IF our child has head serious mental health issues in the past like an eating disorder? Wow, double that fear. That's normal. And when we see they aren't always making good choices, it's a concern. However, I think she probably as an adult can choose her own path and you aren't 'letting' her anymore. So, your best bet is to discuss how to make good choices. Especially given an atmosphere where drinking and pot will be around 'a lot'. If you don't feel she is capable of good choices, you can offer community college. If you are paying the bills, you have more leverage. Or commuting to a local university is also an option. I understand your fear. Talk to her. Like she's an adult and not just your child so she can understand where you are coming from. Hang in there.
Colleges often have mental health programs where students can go for support groups, counseling, etc.
Colleges realize this age is often when mental health issues begin, so they often have a program, a place where students can go.
Same for addiction disorders, they'll have support for that.
Best thing parents can do is remain open and supportive. Be someone they can talk to safely without judgement. You may voice your concerns and worries.
Also, she'll be surrounded by other students. They'll be the ones who want to contact you if there is a need. Make yourself findable. How will a student search to find "daughter's mother" if they need to? Social media? (I don't know.)
You may be able to casually find out from her who her friends are, and use them to watch over her.
Best of luck!
Hey! I am 20 and I feel like I'm very similar to your daughter, but a few years down the line. I am three years in remission for anorexia and currently attending a large state university for pre-medicine and neuroscience. I personally drink and I don't think that it has gotten in the way or put me at risk. As long as you establish safety rules for drinking, I don't think mild drinking in college will hinder her chances at becoming a nurse in the future. I understand your concerns about sexual assault, but let me tell you... sexual assault happens to women even when they're not drunk. I was raped over the summer when I was completely sober. You can't protect her from everything, but you can support her and make her feel as though she can come to you if things like this do happen. I don't know what I would do if I didn't trust my mom enough to talk to her about what happened to me. I needed that love. Please just support her with the knowledge that bad things happen to good people, and you can only give her a safe place to run to when the world gets to be too much. You gotta let her be her own adult.
On a less depressing note, I am graduating in the top of my class this year and have been accepted into three medical schools. I drank heavily my freshman year. Drinking doesn't mean you're a bad person or that you're doomed to fail in school.