How do I know if I am having a midlife crisis

[Flossie01]

I am 54 yrs old and have been married to my husband for 25 years. This is our second marriage to each other and we have 2 grown sons together. He is a hard worker and a good person but I haven’t been happy for a very long time. I had an affair many years ago and married the man I had the affair with. He was very good to me and I felt like I had met my soul mate and the love making was excellent. My current husband has problems and we have not had sex in a very long time. His work ethics have caused a lot of tension in our marriage because that is all he talks about or focuses on. I think I blame him for causing our problems because he can’t perform due to all the financial stress he has put on us. He has bounced from job to job and started many businesses that have failed and has caused us to have to file bankruptcy twice. Every time it put more stress on me and the marriage and more responsibilities on me.  I have within the past few years started having very vivid dreams about me and my ex but this is not the first time this has happened. I feel like I made the wrong choice but now I don’t know what to do because again he has put me in a situation where I feel guilty for thinking about divorce because he sold our home of 25 years and we are living with his 83 yr old mother and I am the primary caretaker. I have health problems of my own and I didn’t want more responsibility. It has not made me feel more grateful to be helping someone else it is causing me to be bitter and resentful. He has finally got a good paying job but in the back of my mind the suspicion is still there that he want keep it and he still talks about starting another business. I have always wanted a vacation house and he even turns that dream into a business. I don’t know if I am having a midlife crisis or just finally coming to the realization that it is never going to be about me.