2nd missed miscarriage in two years.....need some advice and words of wisdom....

[lovebenson]

I am 23 years old and have been married to such a loving guy for going on three years. We have been together since our teens. We got pregnant the first time in august of 08' I went in for ultrasound after ultrasound due to spotting and cramping during the earlier weeks of pregnancy and eventually found out at 8 weeks the baby didn't have a heartbeat.I miscarried for a week and half with STRONG contraction like cramps....Heavy heavy bleeding that was off and on....I ended up needing a d&c asap due to incomplete miscarriage and the fear of infection or anemia. That loss was soooo hard to cope with being my first pregnancy in all. It took a looong time to be able to walk through a stores and feel comfortable with pregnant women, kids, babies you name it. I was truley devistated and was sooo worried i'd never be able to get pregnant again. Well sure enough we got pregnant again January this year. We were exctatic thinknign this may actually come true! I started spotting and bleeding once again as soon a sI got a positive pregnancy test. Went in for an ultrasound at 5 weeks 6 day gestation and yolk sac. Hcg levels were increasing every 48 hours. Four days later went in for another ultrasound and there was a little baby measuring 5 weeks six days.....and everything looked fine heartbeat was a little low 87 bpm...and found implaintion bleeding on ultrasound. We were sooo excited...but still nervous. The other pregnancy was never techincally considered a viable pregnancy since a heratbeat was never measurable. I went in for my 9 week ultrasound to make sure the heartrate was where it needed to be or was increasing the way it needed to be and once again baby had stopped growing at the last ultrasound we had done that detected a heartbeat at 87bpm. This time I opted for surgery right away knowing I couldnt handle going through with this physically and emotionally. It took awhile to heal from this sugery bleed off and on for a week and spotting for another week. Physically I feel great now and back to myself, but I have really held myself back from getting OVERLY emtoional about this cuz I dont want my husband to think Im REALLY depressed like last time and others just dont seem to wanna talk about it when I bring it up casually. I know they dont know what to say but anything is better than nothing. I cry heere and there not soo much for the loss itself cuz I know its human nature but why is this happening to me? im heaalthy??? I have my first post op appoihntment this thursday and am really nervous about it. This time they were able to take the fetal tissue in to have it tested...I just need some answers from anyone! I just feel a little alone sometime....

[lovebenson]

Thank you for the wonderful post. I found out Thursday that the tests came back as a possible female and came back with normal results...which is good news, but still worried about why this may be happening. She said most doctors wait until three miscarriages but said she would be more than happy to order any of the major tests if we wanted. which makes me concerned that this may happen again!?!?! I would LOVE to do all the testing, but even after great insurance coverage we are in debt already 3,000 from the d&c and the chromosonal testing. surgery and the testing of the baby was almost $20,000....no joke....the tests are hormonal, genetic, 3d sonogram and blood clotting disorders. Just thinking of how much those would cost even after our health insurance coverage is scarey. We arent poor, but are trying to be smart money wise. Just thinking of all the tests makes me emotional. She also said after explaining all the major tests that if we wnated to try again as soon as my next period we were able to...she said she could give me progesterone to maybe give me an extra boost...sounded like she just was baffled. My husband and I put together have four siblings. One is 17 and doesnt have children....the other three ahve healthy beautiful children. One of the four is my twin sister. Has been very hard to be there for her....I push my emotions aside and i am there for her b/c I love her and I love my nephew.... when she got pregnant at the end of 08' I was miscarrying my first. My husband at this point said he wnats to try again, but doesnt want to go through all of this again and he just wnats to give up. We are only 21 and 23 but have been togetehr for almost 6 years and going on being married for three....I cant imagine giving up at such a young age and looking back wishing we would ahve tried just one more time...and wondering..."what if." I have read so many stories of the husband being able to trying again....my husband is hurting for me and hurting himself I worry we'll never have healthy children. I know realisticly with time im sure he'd feel differently. this is still all so fresh. anywho im babbling....lol....thank you again for the post.

[ArmyPrincess819]

I'm sorry for your losses. You are not alone. Sometimes there is no reason we are given as to why we have a m/c or sometimes there is. Your young so time is definately on your side. Have you gotten any answers from the testing they did on the tissue. Unfortunately it's not always one thing that causes a m/c. Our bodies along with our hearts take a while to get back to normal. Spotting and bleeding after a m/c can laster longer for some women than others. I would def get checked out if it lasts longer than mth or 2 just to be certain that an infection isn't beginning. I hope you get some answers. I can't tell you enough you are not alone and if you need to talk I'm here. This forum is very supportive and the women on here are so willing to share their stories and try to help. Best wishes to you.
AP
Ps My dh still gets choked up when he thinks about the losses we have had. It is very very painful for a couple to go through. My dh went to individual therapy for about a yr to deal with the aftermath of our losses. It was hard on us our marriage. But it all worked out it just took time.