Aa
And then the nightmares started...
So a year after my amazing MC, and I call it that because my soon to be husband told me he couldn't have children and I thought I couldn't either, after months of check ups, blood work, needles, praying, begging, I finally get put on provera, metformin, and... Clomid! I'm only 21 but have severe PCOS. I took provera and get sick from metformin but I powered through it. Now, just before I take clomid... I get cold feet. And the nightmares start. What if it happens again? What if I have no warning? What if I can't carry to full term? I have nightmares about impossible things going wrong before birth... It's been over a year but I suppose it never stops. Anyone understand? Or maybe I'm just afraid of getting what I want? Or never being able to...
Best Answer
It's weird, I know my story is as old as time itself but it seems like I am caught up in my own personal nightmare. I have decided to go through with the medication butinstead of bravely and excitedly marching in I'm nervously hoping for the best. M/C steals all the joy from first time mothers. instead of thinking how grateful I am for the children I have I'm thinking ill never be able to be grateful for any at all.
also please don't get me wrong. I have accepted the loss of my little boy and live a fairly normal life with work and stress. its just when the weather turns cold and the days have more night than day, I have a lot of time to worry about all the things that I can't and couldn't change.
also please don't get me wrong. I have accepted the loss of my little boy and live a fairly normal life with work and stress. its just when the weather turns cold and the days have more night than day, I have a lot of time to worry about all the things that I can't and couldn't change.
I'm so so sorry for your loss. I believe that when you have a m/c it completely changes the way you feel about pregnancy/getting pregnant. We know the bad that can happen. We know that our dream finally happened and then it was taken away. We know that we got attached to our little one as soon as we knew it was there, and then it was taken and the grief was unimaginable.
So the way you feel is completely normal if you ask me, given your experience. And I'm really sorry you had to go thru that. If it's not the right time for you to try again, then it's not the right time. I can tell you though, that you'll probably always be scared. I've had 3 m/c and each time I get pregnant all I do is worry. But I keep trying because I know many women who have had m/c and then have a perfectly healthy baby. I know women who have had multiple m/c and then have a perfectly healthy baby. It may be that you still need some time, or it may be that you never get there. I don't know. It's so individual. Just know that you aren't alone and there are women here who do understand.
So the way you feel is completely normal if you ask me, given your experience. And I'm really sorry you had to go thru that. If it's not the right time for you to try again, then it's not the right time. I can tell you though, that you'll probably always be scared. I've had 3 m/c and each time I get pregnant all I do is worry. But I keep trying because I know many women who have had m/c and then have a perfectly healthy baby. I know women who have had multiple m/c and then have a perfectly healthy baby. It may be that you still need some time, or it may be that you never get there. I don't know. It's so individual. Just know that you aren't alone and there are women here who do understand.
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I addition to what Scout said, I have some advise about dealing with a chronic health issue and what helped me. I used visualization and meditation...I asked myself what my life would look like if my health problem suddenly disappeared. Every time I did it, I got more specific...more detailed. I would absolutely NOT allow anything negative to intrude during my visualization..if fears came up I dealt with them at another time (I am deeply spiritual so turned over my fears to Christ and asked him to strengthen me).
Perhaps visualization of you WITH what you want (a baby) would help you?