Aa
Debating with boyfriend over ttc again
I just got over a miscarriage and it was one of the hardest things I've ever been through. The pregnancy wasn't planned, but it was loved as soon as we found out. After experiencing what it felt like to be a mother for such a short time, I want nothing more than to try again. I plan on waiting the 3 months my doc ordered, but I'm having a lot of trouble getting my boyfriend of 3 years to see how much having a baby would mean to me. He seems to think that because we lost this one, it is not our time and it's not meant to be. Idk if it's my hormones or what, but him thinking that way hurts so much.
I was wondering if any of you ladies ever had an issue like this and how you approached it? I want nothing more than to be a mother now that I know what it feels like to have a little bundle of love grow inside me. How do I make him see this? I've approached him with it while bawling my eyes out because he just doesn't seem to understand. What can I do?
I was wondering if any of you ladies ever had an issue like this and how you approached it? I want nothing more than to be a mother now that I know what it feels like to have a little bundle of love grow inside me. How do I make him see this? I've approached him with it while bawling my eyes out because he just doesn't seem to understand. What can I do?
I am so sorry for your losses. I really hope this one is a perfectly healthy baby!
Thank you so much. It's still pretty hard for me right now but time is healing slowly.
Thank you so much. It's still pretty hard for me right now but time is healing slowly.
The question for me. I've been married since december & moved to the military base to be with my husband. A couple weeks ago we found out were pregnant again. Being scared & excited all at the same time i know god placed this baby here for a reason. I'm almost 7 weeks. Just know it happens for a reason & one day you will hold your baby. It just wasn't time. If you ever need anyone, I'm here.
I'm really sorry about your loss, but i deff can relate. When i was 15 i had a miscarriage. The guy that got me pregnant insisted that i get an abortion. When i decided not to he completely disowned me & his baby. He didn't attend any doctor appointments or anything. I was really surprised to see him in the hospital room beside me the day it happened. That same day, while i was still laying in the bed, my cousin came in to announce that she was pregnant. Turned out she was the same amount of weeks i was & her due date was mine. For a solid year i avoided her. & I'm not even close to her daughter. It hurt me. When i turned 18 i found out i was pregnant again by the man who is now my husband. We lost our son a year ago last January. Now me having two miscarriages babys were oit of the
well i can say sorry you had to experience it, i would just say something that helps me get through the days is remembering that most miscarriages in the begining are ended because there is something wrong normally it is a chemical problem.
just so you know i too lost a pregnancy i was 20 weeks in however should have been celebrating making it half way through instead went for ultrasound to find out what the baby was and they determined the heart had stoped beating somewhere in the last 3 weeks. It too was the hardest thing i had to do i had to go to hospital and deliver the baby knowing i would never take it home. at that time i finally found out it was a boy which broke my heart even more knowing i have 2 daughters and wanted nothing more then to bring home a son.
you will get a baby soon trust me i am not giving up we are trying again and i too would take my time but i am already 31 almost 32 and the last two pregnancies too 1.5 yrs and 4.5 yrs to concieve so i cannot take my time.
good luck to you
just so you know i too lost a pregnancy i was 20 weeks in however should have been celebrating making it half way through instead went for ultrasound to find out what the baby was and they determined the heart had stoped beating somewhere in the last 3 weeks. It too was the hardest thing i had to do i had to go to hospital and deliver the baby knowing i would never take it home. at that time i finally found out it was a boy which broke my heart even more knowing i have 2 daughters and wanted nothing more then to bring home a son.
you will get a baby soon trust me i am not giving up we are trying again and i too would take my time but i am already 31 almost 32 and the last two pregnancies too 1.5 yrs and 4.5 yrs to concieve so i cannot take my time.
good luck to you
Thank you for that. I am so happy things worked out for you.
Yeah, I'm still healing from all of it and I am so sorry you had to go through this yourself. It's very emotionally draining, but time is healing.
Yeah, I'm still healing from all of it and I am so sorry you had to go through this yourself. It's very emotionally draining, but time is healing.
hi first of all im sorry for your loss i experienced the same thing i got pregnant at the age of 16 and obviously i didnt plan on it but as soon as we found out i was pregnant we were beyond excited unforunately i had a miscarriage at 8-9 wks on my 17th bday it was traumatizing and emotionally disturbing after that we both wanted to try for another and it didnt happen it is your hormones you're just trying to replace the empty feeling inside trust me i had anger towards all pregnant women i would ask why not you why me ?why my baby? then we thought it was just not meant to be and thought everything happens for a reason now 5 yrs later i have 2 wonderful little girls and im married to the same guy going on 6 yrs strong dont stress soon you'll have another little blessing on the way it will happen when its the right time :D good luck
One of my major problems with him during this m/c is he did not seem to show any feelings at all. When I asked him why, he told me he felt that he needed to be "my rock." I love him so much for that, but now I'm worried that maybe he is holding his grief in and that's never good. He was obviously coming to terms and liking the idea of being a father. I myself have come to terms that this is neither of our faults and I'm ready to try again after my 3 months of healing.
As for calmly talking to him about it, if I hear "I just don't want to" one more time, I might explode. I've done a lot of research since our m/c and have explained it to him every step of the way. The commonness of it and how it was no ones fault. He also know my love for children and how badly I have wanted one of my own, with him. Instead of discussing what he feels and why, he shuts the whole conversation down with a one-liner.
"I just don't want one"
"I'm not ready for a child"
I would understand this so much better if he'd just explain why...
As for age, I don't get mad at anyone who says we're young, because well we are. I am very mature for my age. I am a full time college student with a good work ethic, and I want nothing more than to be able to provide a good future for our future children. My boyfriend is in the same boat and is studying law enforcement. We have our heads on surprisingly straight for our ages. ;)
If time is what he needs (which I'm guessing it is) I have no problem negotiating with him. I just wish he'd open up a bit more. Guess it's a guy thing? He likes keeping busy with school work and stuff so maybe that's his coping method.
I know time is on our side but I also know what I want now that I've gotten a taste of early motherhood. I've never felt any kind of love like that before and I just want it to work out next time. And hopefully soon.
As for calmly talking to him about it, if I hear "I just don't want to" one more time, I might explode. I've done a lot of research since our m/c and have explained it to him every step of the way. The commonness of it and how it was no ones fault. He also know my love for children and how badly I have wanted one of my own, with him. Instead of discussing what he feels and why, he shuts the whole conversation down with a one-liner.
"I just don't want one"
"I'm not ready for a child"
I would understand this so much better if he'd just explain why...
As for age, I don't get mad at anyone who says we're young, because well we are. I am very mature for my age. I am a full time college student with a good work ethic, and I want nothing more than to be able to provide a good future for our future children. My boyfriend is in the same boat and is studying law enforcement. We have our heads on surprisingly straight for our ages. ;)
If time is what he needs (which I'm guessing it is) I have no problem negotiating with him. I just wish he'd open up a bit more. Guess it's a guy thing? He likes keeping busy with school work and stuff so maybe that's his coping method.
I know time is on our side but I also know what I want now that I've gotten a taste of early motherhood. I've never felt any kind of love like that before and I just want it to work out next time. And hopefully soon.
Hello
I understand how your feeling & am very sorry for your loss.
It's not fair to speak on behalf of your partner, but maybe he is not ready for a child right now, & especially with what happened. Men are just as effected too?
I don't know the full situation obviously, but like yourself he was happy with the idea of becoming a father & adjusted to the idea, but since the situation has happened, then he might feel that it's better that you live ur life to the Max for a couple of years and then try again.
I might be completly wrong here, because I don't know him.
Miscarriages are very common and it's not a sign that it's not meant to be, it's just that the pregancy did not work out. Miscarriage happens to loads of woman and they go on to have a successful pregancy the next time and sometimes within a couple of months.
Have a chat with him and get him to explain the reasons why he is unhappy with you trying again ( other than the reason stated). Saying it's not meant to be will only anger & upset you. This is his own opinion, which he is entitled too, but you really can't base a descision on just a feeling or a spiritual feeling. This is a decision that you should both be making as a couple, and this needs to be discussed and a agreement made by both of you.
Give it a few days, and go out for a meal or a coffee. Then say to him, look I appreciate that your entitled to your own opinions, and I see this has effected you you, as much as it has with me. However, deciding to try for another child should really be a decision made and agreed by both partners, not just on 1 person feeling/opinion.
Then go on to say how common miscarriages are and it's not a sign that it's not meant to be, It's just a process that does not always work out. Loads of women go onto have successful pregancy with a few months of miscarriages, it's just unlucky that you experienced this.
Ask him if he is ready for a child, because the pregency was not planned, then he may not have been ready in the 1st place? Yes he grew fond of the idea just like you did, but maybe u should find out his feeling on this.
I would just have a good chat with him, but make sure ur really calm and approach the subject in a relaxed matter, and keep cool. That way he will be more likely to express his thoughts and feeling to you.
I know you have lost a child, and ur going to hate me for saying this, but maybe u could agree to try again in another 1-2 yrs, You do have age on ur side, hhmm I don't, am almost 31 with no kids, and i had a missed miscarriage. But as I said this is ur choice and do whatever u feel is right for you.
I hope I have helped here, am just giving you my opinion here, i might be right or wrong, but am saying just to have a good chat and come to an agreement that ur both happy with :-)
Good luck
I understand how your feeling & am very sorry for your loss.
It's not fair to speak on behalf of your partner, but maybe he is not ready for a child right now, & especially with what happened. Men are just as effected too?
I don't know the full situation obviously, but like yourself he was happy with the idea of becoming a father & adjusted to the idea, but since the situation has happened, then he might feel that it's better that you live ur life to the Max for a couple of years and then try again.
I might be completly wrong here, because I don't know him.
Miscarriages are very common and it's not a sign that it's not meant to be, it's just that the pregancy did not work out. Miscarriage happens to loads of woman and they go on to have a successful pregancy the next time and sometimes within a couple of months.
Have a chat with him and get him to explain the reasons why he is unhappy with you trying again ( other than the reason stated). Saying it's not meant to be will only anger & upset you. This is his own opinion, which he is entitled too, but you really can't base a descision on just a feeling or a spiritual feeling. This is a decision that you should both be making as a couple, and this needs to be discussed and a agreement made by both of you.
Give it a few days, and go out for a meal or a coffee. Then say to him, look I appreciate that your entitled to your own opinions, and I see this has effected you you, as much as it has with me. However, deciding to try for another child should really be a decision made and agreed by both partners, not just on 1 person feeling/opinion.
Then go on to say how common miscarriages are and it's not a sign that it's not meant to be, It's just a process that does not always work out. Loads of women go onto have successful pregancy with a few months of miscarriages, it's just unlucky that you experienced this.
Ask him if he is ready for a child, because the pregency was not planned, then he may not have been ready in the 1st place? Yes he grew fond of the idea just like you did, but maybe u should find out his feeling on this.
I would just have a good chat with him, but make sure ur really calm and approach the subject in a relaxed matter, and keep cool. That way he will be more likely to express his thoughts and feeling to you.
I know you have lost a child, and ur going to hate me for saying this, but maybe u could agree to try again in another 1-2 yrs, You do have age on ur side, hhmm I don't, am almost 31 with no kids, and i had a missed miscarriage. But as I said this is ur choice and do whatever u feel is right for you.
I hope I have helped here, am just giving you my opinion here, i might be right or wrong, but am saying just to have a good chat and come to an agreement that ur both happy with :-)
Good luck
Im very sorry for your loss and the problems you are having now with your boyfriend. Maybe he isnt over the emotional part of the loss quite yet. He also may be trying to wait till you are supposed to be trying (3 months). He may be trying to protect you from what he thinks may be another miscarriage since your still crying and stuff he may think your not ready to move on. Maybe try talking to him when you are a little less emotional. My husband was deeply affected emotionally from our loss. Even though you had to go thru the physical pain you both went thru the emotional pain. Everyone deals with grief differently. In time I think he will come around but it may just be too soon for him right now. I'm sure he loves you and is protecting you the best he knows how.
Ginger
Ginger
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