Help can't get over miscarriage

[NoonBug2]

So I found out I was pregnant in February with my third child which was a complete shock because I had to use fertility treatments with my first two. I wasn't happy about it. My husband and I have a bad marriage and we were and are on the verge of divorce. As time went on and our marriage didn't improve. We both sis start to be excited about the baby. We found out it was a girl and we decided to name her Ava and I went from being concerned and a little unhappy to being so excited and we couldn't wait for her to come. I went in Thursday to have a regular checkup and my obgyn and they couldn't find her heartbeat. I was 18 weeks and 6 days. On Friday they did a d & c. This has by far been the hardest thing I have had to go through in my life. I haven't stopped crying since Thursday it consumes me every second of the day. I can't function and I'm hurting so bad. Even though our marriage is on the verge of falling apart part of me wants to get pregnant again but I want to be pregnant with Ava not another baby. I have had suicidal thoughts. I have baby stuff I bought in my house we have things coming in the mail. I have lost all faith in God bc I feel like this is so unfair why would he allow me to get pregnant without fertility drugs all of a sudden just to take my baby away at almost 5 months pregnant. I just want to know if I'll ever get over this pain and be able to consume my normal life again.