Miscarriages Community
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Avatar universal

I might just give up now...

In 2010 I had two miscarriages- they didn't give me a reason.  Had a son already healthy no problem then two losses.  I was heart broken, lost; we tried and tried for a year on June 19 I found out I was pregnant.  Sick, sore boobies, etc.  Scared out of my mind. Then at 6 weeks we moved 5.5 hrs away from my family, friends doctor, everything.  But still sick. I asked for and recieved bloodwork 48 hours apart to make sure everything was progressing that was at 7 weeks.  All well.  Then at 8 weeks I had my 8 week bloodwork.  Yesterday I went for an early ultra-s0und.  I layed there and cried the entire time- I was terrified.  She said oh, you must have your dates wrong.  THe baby is only 6 weeks.  I broke, I feel into darkness I'm done.  Alone and lost in grief.  When you have tired like me and keep track of every single thing that happens to your body you know your dates.  I am not mistaken.  I should be 9 weeks 2days (yesterday).  But instead I'm still here alone and so hurt there is no word to tell how I feel.  My doc here did not call yesterday like i requested, I have no bleeding, no signs that it is gone, dead.  But it is, last time I had a miscarriage I went in for an early ultra-so0und at 8.5 weeeks adn they baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks.  My doc had called me that day to tell me.  For a 28 year old I was shocked that I had two miscarriages in one year.  Now after trying for a year, finally getting pregnant 29 years old .  Iam suffering worse today then ever before in my life.  I'm a failure,I havve a preciaous angel inside me right now and it is gone.  But again today my boobs were sore this moring and i'm sick this moring. it is just cruel.  What will the doc's do with me now?  I've lsot 3 in 2 years and i'm 29.  What tests?  will they try to find out why this is happening to me or will they let me suffer?  I'm so numb.  I want to go to bed and vnever get up.  I don't want to feel this pain again.  so what do I do give up?
5 Responses
Avatar universal
I had 3 miscarriages within yr. Definitely a blow to the psyche. I can admit I'm a bit in depression. I feel like a failure also. It's hard losing babies.

I had tests done but I had to wait til after 3 losses before they would run them. Everything came back "normal". Yay me. It's nice that's there's nothing "wrong" with me but it'd be nice to have answers. You know?

Part of me wants to stop. Because I just don't know if I can handle another loss. But....I REALLY want another child. All I can do is pray and know God knows what's best for me. I can't lose faith and know i'll see my babies in heaven one day.

I'm so sorry you are going thru this again. Take care of yourself. Love on your son & take joy in him. Grieve for yourself, your family, your babies. Heal your heart. Take the time you need. Don't give up.  
Avatar universal
Thank you so much for writing back.  I'm sorry you have gone through what I'm going through- I feel like I'm dead.  Like I'm not real anymore.  I'm numb.  All I do is cry and then I'm angry.  I feel so guilty that I can't give my family another child.  And for me it is all I have ever wanted to be a mommy.  My son is so wonderful and I am blessed to have him since I don't seem to be able to have another but \i just want him to have a sister or brother to grow up wiht.  I feel like my job as a mom is to have a family, grow the children lov eand take care of them.  But I can't love, take care of them or grow them.  I hate myself right now I'm so hurt.  I know God loves me but right now I don't love anyone or anything but my son.  I don't know what His plan is but He doesn't want me to have another baby right now and it is destroying me.  I try so hard, do all the things they say and still my babies die. And I am scared about what they doctors will do now that I have lost three babies.  I want to know what is wrong with me, I wantto fix or try to fix it but what if it is not fixable.
Avatar universal
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I just experienced a miscarriage on the 16 th of this month at 8 weeks. I understand all of the feelings that you are going through. As hard as it my seem you can't blame yourself. You are not a failure some things just happen. There is a plan for you we don't always know the plan or understand the plan. It will work out.  Turn to your faith and place this in gods hands he will help you get through this. I know at a time like this  you are wondering why he would keep putting through this. Unfortunately I don't have the answer for you. Maintain your faith and when the time is right you will have another angel in your life.
1752977 tn?1418225396
I know exactly how you feel! Since Sept last year, I've had 2 miscarriages and a chemical pregnancy. Here they wait til 3 miscarriages before they do anything!! I don't know about you ladies but, I have a lot of jealousy and anger towards other pregnant women. Which is horrible because my 2 best friends and sister in law are pregnant. I know I can have babies because I have a little guy who just turned 2 on July 30th but I don't know what's going on with me now and its extremely frustrating and depressing. All I can think about is, "the what ifs" I'm so sorry for your losses I know how hard it is.  
1440321 tn?1326755028
Its never easy losing anything and especially a child. I know people will usually tell you to be grateful for what you have but its not the same as being able to do something that you were put on this earth for! the questions starts as little doubt and the doubts turn into full blow fears "what is wrong with my body" "is there anything I could have done differently?" "if only I hadn't..." but things do happen and even doctors who spend their whole lives studying for this can't tell you why. Even if you don;t feel like there is much reason to just take one more step, and another and another, and no, there is no guarantee that things will happen the way you want to but you have a little boy who loves his mommy and thinks you are perfect. I  MC in Sep on 2010 and I have recently started to let go the little boy that I lost. I know he wouldn't want to look down and see his mommy suffering over something neither of us could control.
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