I suffered a miscarriage a couple weeks ago. I am 34 years old, non-smoker, and rarely drink. I eat fairly healthy. I rarely eat fast food, and eat a lot of fruits and vegetables. I’ve never been pregnant before. When I got the positive pregnancy test, I was shocked and excited at the same time. I’ve always wanted to be a mother, and when I found out that I was pregnant, I was ecstatic. The very next day, I woke up sweating, which is something I get before I start my period. I ran right to the emergency room to be checked out. My hcg levels were at 24, but they couldn’t say for sure if I was having a miscarriage. A few days later, I started to spot. It was brown at first, but then became heavy like a period. I went to the emergency room, and they drew blood. My hcg levels dropped down to 20. Again, the doctor couldn’t determine if I was having a miscarriage. I knew in my heart and gut that I was losing my baby. I was only 4 weeks along, but I was so disappointed. I wasn’t even trying to get pregnant, it just happened. I was instructed to go in every few days to have my hcg levels checked. I was devastated. I cried for several days. I already knew that I was having a miscarriage. It wasn’t confirmed until Monday that my hcg levels had dropped down to zero. The doctors say I am healthy, but I am still trying to make sense of what went wrong. They ran a lot of blood tests when I was in the emergency room, and the doctors said that everything came back normal. It has been only a couple of weeks since I had the miscarriage, but I still feel so empty and sad over it. I keep wondering ‘what if’. What did I do wrong? Is there something wrong with me? Did I not eat enough, or eat the right foods? Did I turn a certain way? Did I wear clothes that were too tight? Did I sleep wrong? Did I lift something that was too heavy? All of these things keep going through my mind. The first few days were the most difficult. It seemed like every time I turned around there were babies, children, and pregnant women everywhere. I still haven’t fully recovered emotionally. I have been writing in a journal to ease my pain….it helps a little, but not completely. I still have bouts of crying every now and then. I am functioning better than I was a couple weeks ago. I have rejoined the living, but I am still struggling with the emotional pain. Then there is the worry that if I get pregnant again, will I have another miscarriage, or will it take this time? I know that a lot of first pregnancies end in miscarriage, but that doesn’t make me feel better in any way whatsoever. I still feel like I did something wrong, or that something is wrong with me. I know logically that there probably isn’t anything wrong with me, even my sister keeps telling me that I am fine, and that it probably won’t happen again. I also wonder if most other women go through what I am presently going through when they have miscarriages. Are all of the feelings that I am going through, normal?