Miscarriages Community
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Avatar universal

My Last Hurdle - venting

When we got our BFP, I told EVERYBODY.  After the m/c, I caught up with just about everybody to tell them the sad news.  Shortly before the BFP, I joined a small women's only gym.  When I joined I was very upfront that we were TTC and that I felt part of the problem was that I needed to lose weight.  Well I went a couple times, got the BFP, and told the owner of the gym.  I worked out a few more times, and then m/c.  I haven't been back since.

The owner is a very nice lady and she's always there, so she recognizes everybody.  When I say small gym, I mean small.  She was so excited for me when I told her, since that was a big part of our conversation on why I wanted to join and what I hoped to get out of it.  Now I'm afraid to go back.  What is she going to say?  How do I broach the subject of  - oh, well I m/c and needed a break?

I know that I'm overreacting, but I have to get my butt back there to work out and this is the second to last person who knows I was pg, but doesn't know I m/c.

I look at our wedding photos, and even though I was overweight then, I have gained 20 pounds in the last 4 years - ugh!!  I'm so disappointed in myself and can't stand to look in the mirror.  I'm so depressed.
10 Responses
589816 tn?1332980371
I am still running into people who ask me what's going on? Since I'm not the glowing pregnant woman they expect to see...It has got a lot easier for me to tell what happened though...Everyone is different though. I know we told everybody too, so that made more people to tell about the m/c, but I wouldn't change a thing. I want everyone to know my baby was alive and here with all of us...
I lived in New Orleans until Hurricane Katrina came and took our home...After that I put on 40 pounds in a couple of months...So I know how hard it is to take it off!! But you'll feel so good when you accomplish it!!
551885 tn?1300387422
i know how hard it must be for you to go back, but if your agonizing over it, maybe it is better just to get it out of the way. It may be just one more hurdle for you to jump and make you feel better in the end.  Getting in shape is important no matter what, and it will make you feel better after you work out.  I was always wondering how much weight effects conceiving.  I am only 5 foot and 125 and was wondering if that was part of why it is taking so long. I am in shape and active, but maybe you know more about what is a healthy conception weight?

wow, I am sorry you had to go through Katrina, I couldn't even imagine!  And I feel the same way about telling people, I want them to at least know how important my baby was to me and that it was here for a full 14 and a half weeks!! Happiest days of my life!
589816 tn?1332980371
Before the hurricane we hadn't really thought about having another baby...and to tell you the truth I have had one terrible thing happen after another since the hurricane...When we found out we were pregnant it was like a huge blessing! Something new and wonderful...By the time I lost my angel I thought I wasn't going to be able to take anymore...But I made it through a much stronger person! And now I just can't wait to get my BFP and a healthy pregnancy!
Avatar universal
I've come to believe that God won't give us anything we can't handle.  The tragedies in our life do make us stronger and we are better people in the end for having gone through them.  I'm sorry you lost your home to Katrina.  I can't imagine what that could have been like.  My DH broke his back in a snowmobile accident last December.  There were things I had to do to help him, that I never thought I could.  Our marriage is even stronger today, and he quit smoking as a result, so there is always a silver lining.

I did go back last night.  I can't say it was the most motivated workout, but I broke the barrier and now it will be so much easier to go back again.  I'm no expert, but I would say that being 5 foot (I'm 5'1) at 125 would be an ideal weight.  Your fertility can be effected whether you are overweight OR underweight.  I believe that the Weight Tracker on this site has a BMI calculater.  Then you would know for sure what your ideal weight is, but I really think you are spot on.
628735 tn?1273879377
I guess with moving and not knowing many people i really only had to tell the people at church that i had lost the twins. everyone else i sent an email or posted it on myspace, bebo and facebook.

as for weight affecting TTC. i know that i see some pretty large woman that have had babies ad also some very thin, but i do know for some woman it can affect TTC more. I used to be 70lbs heavier at one point. about 4 years ago i had had enough of it and im now around 130-137lbs (yes that made me just over 200lbs at my heaviest). i eat very health and usual work out at the gym with DH. when i got bad morning sickness i stopped working out and haven't really got back into it. it was way too hot to even walk outside at that time. the last couple of days my DH and I have been looking into gyms and are about to join one today when he gets home form work.
I think that it is important to be fit and healthy when TTC and during a pregnancy but also if your not TTC or pregnant. doing some mind of exercise every day helps to make the placenta strong and benefits in other ways. but over all it makes you feel better about yourself, gives you more energy and helps you be healthier all round.

Bam- I get very passionate about this topic so sorry if I go on too much about it. but I think its awesome that you went back to the gym. who cares if your workout wasn't the best this time but you broke through that barrier you had and just did it. no one is going to judge you for loosing a baby and not going back. I am pretty sure that if the owner of the gym is anything like me she will be very happy that you have taken the step to go back and get in shape. If i were there I would go work out with you!

I think this is the healthiest eating and workout plan you will ever find and you can even win some money for doing the 12 week challenge. my DH and i pretty much just live by it without doing the chalange. we had started te challenge but then i got morning sick and DH got busy with overtime preparing for our move.

Steph- I am so sorry that you have gone through so much with the hurricane and after it! I totally agree with Ban that God wont give us anything we can get through! may not feel like we are going to at the time but somehow we do.
Avatar universal
Thanks for the post.  It's so hard for me to be motivated, but no one is going to go to the gym for me.  Once I push through a week or so, hopefully I get the habit established.  My DH is supportive, but he is such a good cook, that dinner is always my weak spot.  I just want this baby so bad, but I feel like my weight is just one big fat obsticle.

What were you referencing in the 12 week challenge?

It is very motivational to hear that other people have lost significant weight, so maybe there is hope for me??
552389 tn?1280549808
Bam- I totally understand.  There were several places that I just wasn't sure whether or not to go after the miscarriage.  DH was a great support and tried to spread the word, but even last week I had someone I worked with this summer very bluntly ask "so are you pregnant or not?"  When I told her what had happened, she apologized for asking that way, but I wasn't upset with her.  The situation is just hard.  I also know how you feel about losing weight.  After I had the mc, I said I didn't want to get pregnant again until I had lost 10 pounds.  I got pretty close (lost 7), and now we'll see.  That was more of a personal goal, and I still need to lose quite a bit more to be anywhere near my ideal weight.  I think it just gave me a focus.
Steph- I cannot imagine all that you have gone through recently.  I live in Dallas, and I volunteered to help when the buses from Katrina brought people to the shelters.  It was heartbreaking to see and hear their stories, but it definitely made me appreciate their suffering.  God has an amazing way of using our struggles.  I learned this again when a student of mine came and burst into tears telling me that she had just had a miscarriage.  She said that she felt like no one understood, and she wanted to go to the counselor.  I told her sure but I did understand.  We talked for a while, and she seemed very grateful.  That may not be a big thing, but the women I know and have met who have shared their stories with me make me feel less alone.  Sorry this is so long!!!  
589816 tn?1332980371
You women are all so wonderful, and I feel trully blessed to have come across this site!  
The funny thing about my weight gain after that was that I didn't even notice..One day I saw a pic of myself and freaked out! I knew that day that something had to change...I had always ate pretty healthy until then. I started eating seconds all of the time and I started eating sweets for the first time ever. So I really did an overhaul to the way I had been eating...

I'm so proud of you that you went back! Now that it is done you must feel a lot better...How is your DH now? That must have been the scariest thing ever!
It makes me feel good if I know I can help one person out of all this...I had so many people tell me that they had a m/c and never told anyone. One woman said she had a m/c 26 years ago and besides her husband I was the first person she ever told...
After Katrina I was so proud of America and their outpouring of support. I don't know what I would have done without all of the wonderful people that helped me through that time!
I agree. Though at the time it is really hard to see the other side! And through my m/c I have been able to meet so many wonderful women and to never take anything for granted.
551885 tn?1300387422
way to get back to the gym!  Trust me, the weight thing for me is hard to.  I was 150 for a while, then got into working out too much and was down to 89 pounds, the drs said I was too thin to have a baby, and somehow years later went back to 150.  Now I am as the BMI said just barley in the normal range (almost overweight) but I am very active and have muscles.  The thing is I made a change by not dieting, but eathing healthy.  I am a vegeterain so it is luckily not that hard and i hate sweets...but the key is one step at a time.  Figure when you go to the gym, even if it is not a steller workout, you are still burning calories, and that will get you in the best shape for the baby to come.
My dr. told me not to lose any weight after the loss of the baby and I was 135 then, now it is just coming off since it was summer and I am active.  
Good luck and keep getting to that gym.  it really will make you feel better!!  Proud of you for jumping that hurdle!
Avatar universal
Thanks nunu, I got it.
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