Needing someone who understands...

[babyscottsmommy2015]

Okay, so my brothers wife is due in January and today is their baby shower I've lost two within a year one 10-28-13 and one 9-8-14 I chose to not go to the baby shower it's too hard for me I'm happy for them but it hurts me I should have a 7 month old and be 4 months pregnant now the last thing I want to do is be around pregnant women and babies just because I don't want to take away anything from her so I didn't go and now my family is mad and telling me in selfish for not going and that I just need to forget about my babies and move on...why is it so hard for them to understand how hard this is on me..sorry just needed to get it out

[babyscottsmommy2015]

I am going to talk to my doctor and see what she recommends I have an ovary condition that makes conceiving harder my first was natural the only thing I was on was medicine for my diabetes this second one after 9 months of trying we got pg with a fertility drug....I'm not jealous I'm happy for them it's just hard not to think about the babies I should have right now I should have one going on 8 months and be going on month 5 in my pregnancy I should be Christmas shopping for my child and starting to plan a first birthday....dealing with a teething baby....I just want my chance I understand that most women have 12 chances a year but I don't I don't ovulate every month....not trying to turn this into a debate or a feel sorry for me party but not every situation is text book.

[azndoraemon]

As I mentioned, my baby supposed to born last month (Oct), I had two cousins that had their baby this summer.  I also had two co-worker who had their baby in Sept and Oct.  The co-worker that had her baby in Oct was so closed to the same date as mine.  We are having her baby shower at work next week.  My boss accidently told everyone at work that i was pregnant when i was 4 weeks then the week after that i lost it.  I hate facing the people at work but I told myself i have to stay strong.  

Overtime I actually like seeing pregnant women because I like to see how i would look one day i become pregnant.  You have twelve chances in  year, the odd of having one is higher.  Think positive.  

I don't like to be jelous at people because that's not nice.  I rather be happy for them and that just give me more motivation to work harder.  Don't stress out and don't think about getting pregnant too often that will just create more stress.  You do not want to have an unhealthy baby so don't torture yourself.  Talk to yourself and therapist.  

[babyscottsmommy2015]

Sorry that we travel this road together ladies, I honestly have thought about seeing a  therapist  it's not getting any easier dealing with this some days I don't even want to get out of the house because I don't want to deal with pregnant women and babies  it's just painful all I want is to hold my babies...sorry having a rough night tonight just found out today that my sister is pregnant and she is due 8 days before I would have been with the baby I lost in September

[azndoraemon]

I'm sorry for your losses.  I, too got m/c in Feb 2014 at 6 weeks and the due date of the baby supposed to be this Oct.  My husband's two cousins had their baby in June and July.  I missed both babys' showers and I won't go to the holidays gathering either.  I'm not upset at all.  I just want personally space.  I know is hard to be away from family member.  I honestly didn't make it so obvious at all so they know I travel alot and i have always been a busy person.  In the past I missed out on lots of family gathering.  

It was not hard for me at all because i thought positively that i was glad the m/c happened so early and that I didn't have to bury my baby.  When mc occure is sometimes because of lack/missing chromosomes.  So mc is to prevent the baby from having disability.

You can tell your family that you are not feeling well or be honest with them that you are still thinking about your losses and that you did not want to ruin the event.  You should see therapist if you are still feeling down?  

[lorinewmum]

I'm so sorry for your losses. I went through exactly the same thing. My bro-in-law got married this year. Just 2 weeks before the wedding I had a mmc and we had to go to his wedding where my sis-in-law (the other married bro's wife) was pregnant with their second and she was as far as I was when we found out of our fetal demise. The news of our mc had just broke, so it was really hard to talk about it, esp to them. I remembered not being able to look at my sis-in-law and didn't speak to her for a few days, even though we were forced to be in the same house/meet for lunch/dinner. I sat as far away from her and only spoke to the new sis-in-law (because I didnt know her previously i.e a distraction). I somehow snapped out of it because I found that she was still the same person and it was unfair being rude to her because her pregnancy is progressing and mine had ended. In the end I wasn't so upset anymore and I think that having forced myself to do this has taught me a lot. I can see your family's point of view but that is because they didn't go through the losses. The losses didn't affect their lives. They should have just let you heal on your own and understand where you're coming from. I'm sure if the circumstances were different that you would've been at the forefront of her shower. Everyone's different and you clearly needed more time to get over your loss.
I wish you all the best in processing what's happened. It will have changed you forever. Shortly after our loss we found out I was pregnant again. I am now just over 13wks and praying that I reach full term. There is always hope, the pain and worry doesn't go away but if you put your energy in helping others, somehow the pain gets less. I've learned that life is so precious and can be lost at any moment and that it is up to us to make every moment mean something good. Speak out when you need to, only people who have been through this will understand. Keep your head up, life is going to be ok,just give it time.