One month today to what would have been my due date

[suzanna40]

Finding things very difficult at the moment as I can't seem to move on and every day is a reminder of what should have been.  My partner is away visiting his beautiful daughter and I feel very alone and sad wishing things were different, I miss our boy so much and wish I knew better.  Today is what should have been one month to my due date.  Just needed to get this out.

[MissmyAngel]

I had that same thought. I told my hubby a couple of weeks ago that I wanted to call in sick and lie in bed all day; because if I saw a baby or someone started talking about their babies, I figure I will get really upset. The only thing that's holding me together right now is the hopes that I get a positive HPT this month.
Crappy timing..My AF was late last month, so if its not this month, I should be expecting it on my old due date.. :/ Just a double reason I really hope this is my month.

[Ready_4_Baby_2]

Its so hard to read this post without tearing up. My suppose to be due date is almost 2 months from today. I honestly think I may take 3/12/10 off and just stay in bed and look at the photos and think of him all day. I also have been TTC but no luck yet.

[MissmyAngel]

Yes you are right. It is hard to make the pain to go away. I recently talked to my doctor about it and he said I have a broken heart, and the pain won't stop until I concieve again. This baby was to be my first. I'm finding that the longer its been taking to try again, the harder it seems, not the other way around. I think writing about my pain these last couple of weeks has helped me a lot though. I seem to be coming out of my shell a little bit. I'm not so bitter any more. Though a close friend got pregnant two weeks after I lost mine, and every time she comes over and starts talking about her baby, I run into my bedroom and start bawling, and it seems to take at least half an hour for DH to calm me down again. It makes it harder and more stressful that people keep telling me I just need to relax and let it happen. Then they start talking about their babies again...Sigh.

[Northgal76]

i know for me I have never forgotten any of the children I have lost. You never forget, but over time it does get easier. My one son jacob I had him at 24 weeks. I had him for 4 blessed days before we decided to take him off the machines that were just prolonging what was meant to be. I held my child as he died in my arms. I have a keep sake box with things to remind me of him. It's so very special to me. Each year on my Christmas tree I hang an engraved ornament with his name on it in memory. Little ornaments as well for my other unknown child. Now I will add to that as I have 3 babies in heaven watching over us all.

I find the best thing is that we all understand how each of us is feeling. There are so many different stages of grief that we go through. Our hearts will always ache for those we have lost.

[honey666]

i had a misscarrage at 11 weeks i dont know how to get over it my baby would of been due on the 18th july this year no one understands what im goin through i try and explain it but they tell me i can always have another baby, but that dosent help with the pain of looseing my first baby any one got any advise on how i can try and rebuild my life!!!!!

[suzanna40]

Thank you all for you comments, it helps to know that there are others who understand.  We are ttc but are a bit concerned due to the problems we had during the pregnancy, but are trying to take one step at a time.  Here's hoping for lots of baby dust for us all in 2010.

[MissmyAngel]

I started tearing up when I read this, as my due date would have been Jan 25th. I keep feeling like if I'm not pregnant by then, how will I ever get past that day? I dont think I want to even get out of bed on that day to be honest. Noone understands what I mean, to them, that day means nothing. So many people in my life are pregnant right now, and just expect me to not be sad about my baby, and tell me all their "exciting" stories about their pregnancies or newborns. I just want to be left alone. I have been trying to get pregnant again for months, but it's just not happening. I really hope this is my month..
Most who posted on here had due dates approximately at the same time..Keep posting, let out all the pain inside..Noone here will think bad of you, and its a good stress relief.

[sue68]

Hi Suzeeo,

I am pg now but, I haven't forgotten the pain of my 2 m/c's. When I went for my first doctor's appointment last week - the nurse asked me a few questions about each m/c and I could feel my throat and chest tightening as I answered them.   Its hard to talk about them still.   19 weeks gave you alot of time to build up hopes and dreams for your boy so its no wonder you're feeling down especially when you're so close to your due date, plus the holidays and the constant reminders everywhere. I can imagine what goes on in your mind and your heart. You're grief is still fresh  but, know this - you will feel better one day - things will get brighter for you. Believe it. You will smile and feel happy again.    This Christmas ( which was the due date of baby#2 ) I lit two candles - one for each loss.  I thought about them - and said out loud that I would never forget them.   Maybe you can think of a ritual that will help bring you some peace and help your heart heal.   I wish you a happy and fulfilling, peaceful year in 2010.  

[mommato5]

hey suzeeo read my post about "want a way to remember your heavenly babies? this might be something you could do for uplifting and remeberance

[HeatherLF16]

I am so sorry about your loss.  I think of mine all the time too.  Especially because my sister and I were pregnant at the same time and she just gave birth to a healthy little girl.  My due date is in 2 weeks.  I will never forget I think of it every day, but it has gotten a little easier with time.  Are you going to try to conceive again?  I waited a good 5 months after my miscarriage.  I am now 9 weeks pregnant and worry every second.  

[Huntmommy]

I understand and you can vent anytime you need to.  I am 3 weeks from my what would have been due date.  I miss my girl also.  There isn't a day that passes that I dont think about her and where I would be right now in my pregnancy.  How I would feel her and be getting the room ready.  I pray everynight to her and hope that she is at peace. Anytime you need to get it out, just let me know.

[Nikkij6577]

Suzeeo, I am so sorry to here how you are feeling at this moment.  I pray that God will give you comfort at this difficult time.  Just take it one day at a time.  (((BIG HUGS))))