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Questions for those who've experienced miscarriage

This should go on the miscarriage forum, but it doesn't get much traffic at all, so please forgive me for posting it here. I have some questions that I hope to get answered from people who have gone through similar situations as the one I am dealing with. My husband & I struggled to get pregnant, and finally concieved using Clomid, but sadly that pregnancy ended in a missed m/c at 8w2d. I had a d&c, then 5 days later had to have another d&c. I was advised to wait about 2 cycles before trying agin, but I've really been struggling with depression and for that reason I don't think I'm ready right now. I guess my questions are, how long did you wait before getting pregnant again? Did you have another m/c? I'm terrified of having another one. Also, what kinds of emotions did you go through once you were pregnant again? Were you happy? Excited? Scared? I am worried that I won't be excited because I will be too afraid. I was ecstatic and just over the moon elated when we learned we were expecting, and it hurt so much when we lost the baby. I am terrified of having to go through that again. I'm afraid if I had to experience this again I would end up on medication. I work as a nurse in Labor & Delivery, so as you can imagine, my job that is supposed to be (and usually is) the most incredible job I could imagine...has become difficult. It is so hard because while I am super happy for these families, it also hurts and is a constant reminder. Then when I have a patient that loses her baby, it hits so deep. It was always sad to me when someone lost a baby but it is just so much more real to me and I see it happen even in late pregnancy, which makes it even scarier to think about getting pregnant again. I am afraid I will not be able to relax and enjoy a pregnancy because I will be in fear throughout the entire pregnancy. Anyone else ever felt this way??
21 Responses
2086855 tn?1332781293
I m/c at 9 weeks, two days after me and my husband got married, I also had to have two d&c's. I know everyone is different but I can honestly say I know how you feel, the depression was unbearable and almost ruined my relationship because I couldn't even get out of bed... It's been nine months since I lost my baby and it really does get easier! We've been trying to conceive for the last three months and now I am almost six weeks along! I'm completely terrified of losing this one but I have faith that I'm doing all the right things and that's really all I can do... I hope this helps you! Goodluck and I hope everything gets better for you!! Xoxoxoxo!!!!!
Avatar universal
thank you, and congrats on your current pregnancy! I wish the best for you. I am really sorry to hear about your loss. It is such a tragic thing. Very traumatizing. I appreciate your support, and I hope to be updated on your current pregnancy! Best wishes!
Avatar universal
I had a mc with my very first pregnancy and i felt like it was all my fault. Maybe i could have done something better or if i didnt have stuff for it already maybe i wouldn't have lost it. I was in such disbelief about it i just felt lost. I cried alot over it and i thought i would never have kids cause it would just keep happening. I was so wrong i am now on my fourth and am very happy. It took me almost a whole year to get pregnant again and i didnt want to tell anyone til i was 5 months already cause i didnt want anything to happen to it again. But i havent had any other mc since. My kids ages r 3, 2, and, 1.
Avatar universal
that's great news. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, but congrats on all your babies! :) i appreciate it, gives me hope for the future.
Avatar universal
And u do get happy about it when u get pregnant again and after time passes the mc wont hurt as bad anymore.
Avatar universal

I was also afraid....
I waited two menstrual periods
Before getting pregnant again.
I was told by my ex ob/gyn to Waite 6 months.
so you could imagine how worry I was....
During my first dr. Visit I was afraid my baby wasn't going to have a heartbeat..
I have an ultrasound at every dr visit. So I thought I was at high risk... That my dr was hiding thing from me... That my dr didn't want to  tell me their was something wrong with my baby...
I didn't even want to have sex during my first trimester .....
I join med help around 18 weeks so I didn't know who to ask... I kept googling everything I was soo depress...
 Untill I  found the courage to ask my dr why do i have an ultrasound at every dr visit and he said that I was fine that thats how he checks all his patients...
(Having a good insurance doesn't hurt)
Right now I'm 29weeks and 2days 
Due June 8 with a very active baby boy =)

Don't worry your gonna be fine..
You just have to think positive

Hey i want to share a prayer if you don't mind For expecting mother is in my journal it  may help you a little... =). X
Avatar universal
Thank you very much :)
1806883 tn?1458321004
as you know I've had 3 the last being in nov, my storys a wee bit different as due to my age, I expect to have a miscarriage now every time I get pregnant, I suppose its a way of coping if it does turn out that way.... I dont say to myself  "right this pregnancy is going to end in miscarriage" straight away but its at the fore front of my mind and I do the pregnancy in stages, for me its 8 wks, then 12 wks, then 18/20 wks then I sort of start to relax and enjoy the pregnancy, but I'm never fully relaxed, not until bub is in my arms, also it seems to take me around 6 mths to get pregnant after each miscarriage....
Avatar universal
Our son passed away the day of his scheduled birth due to an amniotic band wrapping around his umbilical cord. He was 100% healthy, 39 wks 2 days, 8lbs 12 oz 22 inches. His life line was severed before he had a chance at his first breath of air. It's by far the most gut wrenching loss of our lives. I wouldn't give any of it back aside from the death part obviously. "It is better to love and lose than to never experience love at all". Pregnancys are a risk but well worth every worrisome moment as are the children they grow into.

That being said, we had to wait 6 months before trying again. It was my 3rd c-section and my body needed recovery time. I was diagnosed with a non cancerous brain tumor 4 months after his birth which had stopped my cycles. I used cabergoline to get my hormones back in check and we were able to concieve at our 6 month mark.

Carson, our son who passed away will be having a baby brother, Damon, to watch over. He will be here in 65 days. I wouldn't say nerves aren't there but the thought of a future with another child in our lives outweighs them!

Best of luck to you with whatever you decide!
Avatar universal
hi lovely, i had a miscarriage on my 3rd pregnancy, because id already had 2 healthy babies i stupidly never even thought about miscarriage, i lost my baby at around 11 weeks and it was the most awful experience ive ever had, it absolutely terrified me and i blamed myself constantly, my midwife told me to try for another baby as soon as i felt ready to, but every time i thought about it the fear of having a miscarriage again stopped me, i like you thought if it happened again id never get over it, i eventually got pregnant 10 months later and from the day i found out i was pregnant again i was a total wreck, worried constantly every single day until the day he was born, it was so stressful, but Im so glad i did it, dont give up, Im now 18 weeks pregnant again and the fear was as real as ever this time too, it never goes away lovely but it does get easier. good luck and lots of love xx
1935407 tn?1339234114
Hey Hon...

Being there myself not once but 5 times give me nothing but FEAR all the way.. and as you might know the latest was last Jan 15 been thru stillbirth to Baby Aidan at 21weeks is the hardest.. the awful.. the MOST painful experience i ever been thru in my entire 34years lifetime...

I not want you to be like me.. did cut tube and burnt bcos i finally felt enough.. my body getting weak... my mental.. my emotional all ruin... :( just Hon honestly i am tired of being scare... being doubt... and the m/c keep happen one after another in 4years of trying...

But you will get it over somehow, just like me till Baby Aidan and i am here praying for you the day will come when you finally be where all those woman you help in delivery room and hugs your little one... good luck...

Hugs...xxx
Avatar universal
I miscarried fathers day of last year at like four months....it hurt so bad cause I wanted to.be a mother more then anything so as you know it hurt...but after two months of not being able to have sex cause of the d&c and then my hcg levels wouldn't go down...two months later we conceived without trying I'm now 22 weeks prego and he's healthy...I was super excited but nervous and scared that it would happen again but most who miscarriage once go on to have healthy babies and only miscarriage once
Avatar universal
Thank you ladies all SOOO much. It is amazing the support I can find here. I appreciate all your kind words. I am so sorry for all who have been though the loss of a baby. Thank you for your support, praying for you all!
1994832 tn?1484866272
I am in the same boat as you. I had a miscarriage in Jan this yr. My first pregancy too, only found out on my 12 week scan. I had the D&C and hope to start trying too. I am scared out my wits, as i can't go through that pain again, it would finish me off for good, if I had a 2nd miscarriage.

I really hope and pray that it never happens again, am not strong enough to cope if it should happen again! My heart really goes out to women who have had 2 or more, because one is bad enough.

I wish you luck and many blessing. Our time has to come!
x
Avatar universal
I had a misscariage at 12 weeks and the depression was horrible me and my fiancé at the time now he's my ex we over joyed that we were going to have a baby but when I had my misscariage everything changed between us he wasn't the same he started cheating on me and in the last couple of months I was with him I thought to myself of leaving than we got pregnant again I was counting the days till I got into the safe zone and was in my second trimester I just looked for signs and soon enough we had a little boy of course it took 2 years to conceive but we finally got one yet his reaction wasn't like the first and now I'm married to a different man who is extatic the we are going to be having a baby but I can't help but feel scared that I'm going to lose this baby but I'm gonna pray and look for signs
Avatar universal
thank you ladies so much. i am so sorry for both of your losses :( it is so sad. i wish you both the best of luck with future babies. thank you again so much for your support and kind words.
Avatar universal
hey.. few days ago i wrote a message here because i wanted to kill myself.. i had a MC in december and i started trying for baby right after that. my doctor prescribed me clomid straight away. it was a difficult time for me because my brother just had a baby girl few days ago and everyone around me are pregnant. infact few of my cousins are due the same day when i was suppose to have my child. its very difficult because they are remind me all the time that i have lost my child. it took me a while to understand things does not always happen the way you want them to. now i just pray every day whatever God has decided for me i will agree with it. i am trying to recover from it. i am not so scared that i will end up same but that i might not be able to get pregnant again because it took 3 and half years to become pregnant. after taking 6 rounds of clomid and its been a year and half i have been taking metformin. i am only 22 and next month it will be 4 years of our marriage. me and my husband wanted a baby so badly but it never been easy. i lost weight i tried everything. when i had MC i started to loose hope. but then i thought i am young. there are so many options i haven't tried. and most of all atleast i know now i can conceive yes with alot of hard work but i can conceive. and its up to God he will let me down. so does loose hope and i am sure if you conceived believe in his ways and everything will be fine.
Avatar universal
and its up to God he will NOT let me down. so don't loose hope and i am sure if you conceived believe in his ways and everything will be fine.(Sorry spelling mistakes)
Avatar universal
For all whom have been preg & lost please have ur obgyn check ur progesterone levels!! I have 2 angels due to low levels 1 10mnth old son due to being on progesterone & currently 5wks preg
1564074 tn?1334490908
In august 2011 I had a tubal pregnancy but thy were able to get it out with a shot which saved my tube. In December I found out I was pregnant again. We were so excited because my hcg was going up this time and everything was looking good. The bad part was they didn't think that I had ovulate before I found out I was pregnant because my progesterone level wa only at a 3 on cycle day 21. I miscarried in January at 8 weeks. The cause, my doctor believes was low progesterone in the beginning. Now, 48 hours after I ovulate I have to start taking progesterone just in case I am pregnant. After the miscarriage I wa devastated. I had already suffer the emotional blow from the tubal then this hit me. I cried the whole way back from the doctor. I went in because of bleeding an they didn't see a heart beat. I officially passed everything naturally over the weekend. It was the lowest moment of my life. I felt like a failure as a woman and I didn't get out of bed for days. But my mom always told me to "put your big girl panties on and deal with it." so I got out of bed and went to work and slowly started feeling better. The first month after I was too depressed to try. I didn't even want my husband to touch me. By the second month I was emotionally and mentally ready to try again. I am now six weeks pregnant and I worry every day about the slightest twinge. I also pray every night that this is the baby that God let's me keep. I go in Monday for my first ultra sound and I am scare to death. Dealing with a miscarriage will always be with you no matter how much you try to forget it. Just pray and know that a ton of women have miscarriages then go on to have healthy pregnancies. Please have your progesterone checked because that could be an underlying problem that is easily fixed!
Avatar universal
After reading these story I'm sadden I'm currently 11 w. 3day.last Friday I went in for my u.s in the results for my labs.only to find out the news wasn't so great after all from the looks of things my hcg level has drop in the baby hb had drop to 80bpm on the scan it shows the baby has miscarriage at 9w but the sac is 11w old 0-o.unfortunately I haven't broke the news to anyone yet I'm schedule for a d&c this up coming Monday.this would. Be my third m/c my last one was at 18w just over a year ago I'm sad about it in wonder would I ever have kids of my own one day.
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