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Avatar universal

Trying hard to get me back....

As a few of you know, I miscarried at the beginning of February. Some days have been good and others not so much. I feel as though I have changed and I don't want that. I feel less tolerant to the world now. I get flustered at people who neglect to respect all the gifts God has given them. I can't tell if I am like this because of the fact that I almost died or that I lost my baby or both. I just feel intolerant to people and I have never been this way before. I don't particularly like that I am this way. I am not mean but I do have a tendency to remind people very quickly as to why they shouldn't complain about stuff in sometimes a rather blunt way.

Plus, I really can't deal with the talk of babies right now. It hurts too badly. 2 of my cousins are pregnant right now. I am happy for both of them but my heart hurts too badly to be around them. They both want to share their happiness and they have every right to but I don't want them to share it with me all the time. I can't even ask them not to because I don't want to sound mean or like I am not happy for them. Both of them are so boasterous that it is pain staking to me. Facebook has baby stuff plastered everywhere and they call me or text me a lot. How do I say, "Hey, I love you and I am happy for you but I don't want to hear it right now?
8 Responses
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1994832 tn?1484866272
Hi

I agree with Learob completly, people can be insenitive at times and your cousins need to respect that your really hurting. I can see that you are happy for your cousins, but if only they could be just as understanding to you too. You have lost ur child and your cousins peachy blossoming stomach will not help you out & when they plaster pictures on facebook telling the world how happy they are and that there life is so perfect and amazing, it seriously gets on ur nervous, at this stage am hurting, scared and my heart is ripped out, some nights u can't even sleep and the fear that it might never happen haunts you.

So when I log onto facebook and see all that crap, am thinking for flippen sake just to put it nicely why dont u stick ur perfect life up ur arse, and then i sometimes feel bad for thinking that cos i sound like a bitter and messed up woman and am not at all. It's just human nature, we love boasting when the going is good, and as soon as u a kid, there could be friends thinking the same about you and me, thinking why her and not me.

I would talk to ur cousins and cut back the contact until ur abit stronger. If they don't understand thats there issue not urs.

I went through a missed miscarriage and only found my baby had died on my 12 week scan, that will always hurt me. I was so excited too, i remember coming out the room full of pregant ladies looking at scan pictures or waiting to go in to be scanned. I will never forget it.

Then I see pregant women everywhere I go. Then u see girls dressed like tramps, there laguage and how they talk is disgusting, and it's clear that they are the sort of girls who get into tons of trouble, and there pregant and there drinking and smoking with there belly hanging out, am like WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know there is nothing wrong with the occassional drink, and it's a womens choice if she wants to smoke.

Right now am angry too and am hurting too, i feel and know ur pain. You learn to live with it because u have too.

I will try again in the next 1-2 months, really can't go through this again am very scared, so i hope am luckier next time round, wishing u much happiness and many blessings too. Let me know how u get on. x


Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I agree...I didnt even know what had happened to me that day 6 years ago when I miscarried until I researched it today because I had to find answers that I was too afraid to find back then...and to think that one day, that one event has stuck in my brain for 6 years without even knowing what it was, its sure going to stick with me now!
Helpful - 0
1881195 tn?1324272720
I've had recurrent miscarriages, and I think with each one I am a little bit less happy with life, and I have a little bit less will to go on. I know how you are feeling, and even now with trying again I feel like I might not even be capable of loving a child anymore because I am so numb and tired and ready to expect the worst. It's so hard. Seeing pregnant women walking down the street I just feel angry... so angry and ready to cry. :( You just keep wondering what you did to deserve this kind of punishment.

All I have been able to do to keep myself up is to focus on my own personal health. As much as I hate myself, it actually does motivate me to try to make my body even better than it was before so I can be even more prepared for the next attempt...
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Avatar universal
Thank you all so much. I am glad to know that it is normal to feel this way. I thought I was being mean. I hate feeling like I am being mean. I just can't help but get flustered or aggravated. It just hurts so bad sometimes.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I reacted the exact same after my miscarriage..when i was at the hospital getting my scan or even just walking down the street seeing a pregnant woman just made me want to cry..id just think you ***** why you and not me..of course i didnt mean it but i was just so angry why had this happened to me..my cousin had a baby about a week after my miscarriage and i couldnt hold her and could barely even sit in the same room..i got a tattoo of a baby with wings as a memorial so i would never forget but even without the tattoo there isn't a moment i don't think about my baby..
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
okay baby, first and foremost, your cousins ARE allowed to their joy, and guess what? YOU ALLOWED YOUR GRIEF. I'm sorry but I cant understand how they can push their joy in your face when you are still in the midst of your grief. That is cruel beyound belief. You are a much stronger person than I am to be able to deal with that even once let alone again and again. If it was me, I would have told them that they were being cruel to me and that I needed them to respect my grief and if they couldn't do that, then maybe thay had no love for me. their joy biulds them up every day, and your pain and grief cuts you down every day, which one should be respected more? Maybe you can ask them how they would feel if their babies were ripped out of them, would they want anothers baby and joy shoved in their face. I'm sorry, I'm usually not this curt, but your story has made me so very angry. As for the rest, I think you are handiling your pain very well, Pain does change us, loss does change us, we just have to suck it up and deal with it and try to form that change into something that isnt distructive. I wanted to attack pregnant women, shake them and make them tell me why their child was allowed to live while mine wasn't. My anger toward every mother I saw was a very disturbing thing to me. I eventually got past my rage, but after a year my grief still haunts me every single day. It's something that we have to learn to deal with it. I'm sorry for your loss sweetie, I very much hope those around you come to respect it.
Helpful - 0
1346146 tn?1299360497
I am going to be honest with you.  Once you have a m/c you never "get over it".  Or at least i didnt, maybe no one else feels this way but i do. Sure the pain lessens with time but you always wonder about the child you lost what he or she would have looked like or what their little voice would have sounded like and it makes it worse because its a baby you will never get to hold.  I know the pain of your loss having had 2 m/cs myself.  For awhile my temper was short and my tolerance was even shorter.  I questioned what I did wrong or what I could have done different but all of it was beyond my control.  Take time to heal and grieve.  Make a memory box.  I did even though mine were early losses i had bought a few little things that i put in there. A baby blanket, a toy, a letter about what that child means to me...all of it was part of the process for me. That's the only way you can find you again.  Good luck
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I have been trying to cope by staying busy. I have been trying to buy a house, help my DF with work, getting my art into a gallery..... It is just crazy at the amount of stuff I have been doing and no matter how hard I try to keep my mind busy... Someone has to put all the pain back in the front of my mind.
Helpful - 0
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