my fiance doesnt think my grievance process is normal

[Penelope42069]

Some days i dont cry at all, some days i cry all day. some things that would make some women cry dont make me cry, and some things that dont make some women cry do make me cry. I cry at strange times, at least according to my fiance, and when he asks me why i'm crying i say i dont know, or sometimes i just say i'm sad, or sometimes i'll open up and tell him exactly what my feelings are. Some days he says something is wrong with me because i'm not sad enough and i'm not talking about it, and that i need grievance counseling, and then other days he says its not normal that i am crying for "no reason" and that i need grievance counseling. I think the way i am reacting is normal, and he doesnt.
Today was the first day since the miscarriage that we had sex, and i cried right after. and when he asked why, i really didnt know. and that was how i answered. and he suggested i get counseling. i personally think, counseling costs money, and time is free...
questions:
is the way i am reacting normal?
if so, how do i get that thru to him?
if not, do i need counseling?


Oh. and i know this is completely irrelevant, but my best friends 7 year old daughter and i had a hilarious conversation yesterday. i brought her to a bbq and there were like 10+ kids around her age, and she is an only child who lives in the country so doesnt get a lot of children interaction, and when i asked her if she had fun she said "yes i had so much fun, i'm going to see if my mom will let me come back on saturday...i know that saturday is supposed to be a sadder-day, but i think if she lets me come back, it wont be a saturday, but it will be a happier day!" LOL sorry i just had to share that.

[kid_shuichi]

The day I was told about my miscarriage I cried like a baby, I fell apart. The next day they confirmed it and I was completely calm... on the way home... it started raining and I broke down. I don't know why but something about the sudden change in the calm of the day broke a piece of me. How ever you express yourself there is no wrong way. If you need to talk to someone, talk :D my boyfriend in a trooper and takes my mood swings like a soldier. friends, family, and time. We are all different and there is no wrong way to miss the one's you loved

[LilSissy03]

There is no "normal" or "right" way to grieve!

[mjmom69]

I'm so sorry for your loss. You are grieving and everyone does that differently. I still cry for no reason. I had a miscarriage in May. Sometimes you'll be sad and not know why and that is so normal. If you want to see a counselor, I'm sure that will help in some ways but you will still be sad sometimes. I hope you feel better soon. Take care.

[Elixis]

It is very normal to feel like you do.
I have never been one to cry a lot but when i MC in Jan I had never cried so much in my life!
Not only did I cry all day when i MC, but all week. Any little reminder would make me tear up.
I'd think about it and cry. I felt soooo empty inside and that feeling was so terrible it would make me cry.

Some men don't react like us because they never had that physical bond to the baby like we did. Doesn't mean they don't grieve, but sometimes they do in thier own way.

Don't feel ashamed of crying so much, it is a perfectly normal thing. It won't go away in a snap either. I hope you slowly feel better and if you feel talking to a counselor is the right thing to do, then do it. You need to talk to someone to let it out. Expecially if your husband is dealing with it in his own way. You need a 3rd person.

[needhelp24121]

I'm so sorry for your loss. What you are going through is normal. Everyone grieves differently. Its been almost 2 months since my miscarriage. I'm now having more good days than bad, but I still have days where all I do is cry, all day, any little thing can just set me off, and then I can't stop crying. It does get better, even though it doesn't seem like its going to.

[roxy316]

I'm sorry for your loss.  I think what you are experiencing is completly normal.  don't let your fiancee rush your feelings.  Therapy can be a great thing, and I have considered it myself.  I had a miscarriage a little over a month ago and I made it through my first weekend without crying.  I know that I still have hard days coming, but it felt good to not cry all weekend.  I still cry after sex.  I think it's just too emotional.  Keep your head up.  I know you can get through this.  

[rccresswell]

Hi Penelolpe

What you are feeling is completely normal.  When I miscarried I cried and cried, my hubby had to go to work but my brother and his wife came down as soon as they heard the news and cuddled me while I just cried.

I went days without talking to anyone not even my hubby.  I would just stare into space and then collapse on the ground and start crying.  I got to the point where I was too scared to leave the house and I hated talking on the phone as desperate as my friends were to get me to talk.  It took about 4 weeks for me to meet up with my friends at my house and 6 weeks to leave the house and go to playgroup with my other 2 children and go to my friends house.

I would start punching my husband for no apparent reason and throw things around the house because I was too angry.  I cried when my first period came and went, I cried everytime I had sex for about 8 weeks.  The last time I cried was the day I ovulated with the baby I am carrying now.  I cried when I got to 11 weeks with this pregnancy and then I cried when I got to 14 weeks.

To be honest all the crying is completely normal.  There are days even now where I am still very upset and I am getting even more upset as I appraoch my due date in 5 weeks.

Just stay strong and don't rush the process  You'll be ok

[LisaL18]

You are totally normal.  I had a miscarriage on July 24th and cried all the time for a while.  Now it is a little easier, but some things trigger the crying, it is weird.  Sex is very emotional so that is totally normal.  I found the best thing is to try to find activities to do that you like, get outside in the sunshine it all helps.  My doctor offered me counseling but so far I am working through it with friends, these boards and my husband has been very supportive.  Hang in there.

[Leiqhlay]

Counseling can help you cope with the miscarriage ; but your Fiance is totally wrong ! He isn't the only one who lost the child , the way hes dealing with it might not be the same way you are. Its okay to cry and let it out. Crying is like taking your feelings to a laundromat and cleaning them out.  
If he doesn't understand your going through a hard time after loosing a baby
you should question some things. cry all you want and let it out.
You aren't wrong for being sad : )

&& yes the end was funny !