upset and needing guidance

[jesse11]

hello everyone I am really new to this I just found out on Feb 24th that I was pregnant and about 13 weeks along only dated because it was the last and only time I had sex with my ex or anyone at all.  I called and told my ex that I was pregnant and he seemed excited however after talking to his parents they made him feel like I was just making up everything and so I told him to come with me to an appt at the dr's and he could ask anything he wanted, however he said that he couldn't afford to drive up here because he lives a couple hours away.  he wanted me to sign a medical release so that he could call my doctor and I said  I wouldn't do that because it was an invasion of my privacy but that when my doctor returned from vacation because the replacement one was trying to charge me to have him write down the estimated conception date and the due date and I wouldn't pay $75 when I knew my doctor would sign the paper for free for me.  They pretty much straight out told me that I was not pregnant and I had to provide them with proof then this past friday they decided that his parents wanted to talk to my mother however she has been sick and I haven't gotten much of a chance to sit down and talk with her so I didn't tell her because my sister told be that It was not a good time to because if she is too stressed she would be hospitalized as she is a cancer patient and we have had several close to family deaths within the month.  I told his mom that I would talk to my mom and then have her call them in a few days after we worked out our issues.  (they were rude like this after I had stated that I did not want his money that wasn't why I had called and I had told him that if he didn't want it I would figure out how to raise the baby with my family alone as I have a good paying job and a great family) However saturday night I started to bleed a lot and went in to the hospital and they told me that I was miscarrying they had done an emergency US and they said they baby had not grown since about 11 weeks and gave me medication through an iv to help me finish miscarrying and sent me home after with pain killers.  I spent yesterday in bed bawling my eyes out and feeling like everything was my fault.  I am really upset which I know is understandable because I got really excited for the baby I mean I had even picked out which crib I was going to get for the baby.  And now I don't know how to tell the dad and his parents that there is no baby now without them saying that I am lying because right now I really don't think that I can handle it.  (I thought about asking my sister to call them, but she doesn't know how rude they were too me throught all of this and if they were rude to her there would be a huge over the phone fight) I have never been called a liar so many times in my life and I really don't know what to do please if anyone has some help, guidence, ideas, or even just comforting words right now it is all greatly appreciated I am really upset and lost :'(

[jesse11]

I talked to him just enough to tell him so that he would leave me alone and I told him that I felt that they were horrible to me and it was probably a good thing that a baby didn't have to be raised in all of that drama because it was extremely unhealthy since then I haven't talked to him at all.  Its so bad because when he wants to be he can be the absolute most amazing and supportive guy but when he doesn't this happens I guess I am so done with him

[adgal]

BTW...I just looked at your profile.  I live in the same city you do.  I have been where you are several times now and do understand.  There are a 2 of us from Calgary that get together who have been through this. If you want to join us for a coffee (we usually get together at the Starbucks on 17th ave.) and to have someone to talk to, just pm me.  Sounds strange I guess to reach out to a stranger on the internet, but miscarriage can feel so lonely, and it bothers me that he is not supporting you.  Take care, Amanda

[adgal]

In all truthfulness, this guy is an ***.  So are his family members.  He obviously is not going to be supportive and what you need right now is support and love.  I would cut off all communication with him and his family.  Why on earth would they want to talk to your mother?  It sounds to me like its a good thing he is an ex and not a current.  

What you have been through with your loss is more then enough pain for anyone.  Don't allow anyone in your life who is going to make it worse.  I am so sorry you had to go through this, and especially with the added stress.  I wish you peace and healing.

[jesse11]

I broke my phone so when I got a new one all of the numbers were erased so I sent him an email and I told him that if he had any questions of comments that he could ask me or call me because I still had the same number but I didn't have his number and I said if he had anything insulting, degrading or rude to say that he better keep it to himself this was not about trying to make me cry.  He sent me back a message saying about how sorry he is and hoping that I am doing ok and everything else.  So he ended up making me cry by being really nice.  But that doesn't matter it is over and done with now

[sabby1178]

I am soo sorry for your loss. You sound like a very caring person who wears their heart on their sleeve. You don't have to prove anything to anybody and you shouldn't worry about what they think because you and your family know who you are. You tell them when you feel the time is right and you should not tolerate any of their verbal abuse. Just tell them you miscarried, your not there to convince them you were indeed pregnant and you don't care if they believe you or not. and the conversation shouldn't go further thatn that as you do not owe them an explanation. You have you and your family to worry about and you don't need people in your life maker you feel anything less than who you are especially at a time like this and good ridince.

[ku111]

You sound like a great person and please never change!  I tell my oldest son you will probably have some heart breaks, may meet some girls you just don't click with, may see some as friends more than a life long partner, and so on...  I really think that is how you ultimately find your soulmate.  You may not date these people but might watch them and observe.  Life lessons and meeting different people helps you to decide what you can and want to put up with for a lifetime.  Then, all of a sudden, you meet someone and say this person makes up all the things (or most-everyone has some faults! lol)  I deserve.  You must love yourself because you deserve to be treated good and respected.  You deserve the best!  You sound very sweet, hang in there and wait for the person who will be loving and supportive of you and just pray for the others!

[ku111]

You cannot change how they think or feel.  People handle stress in different ways and sometimes not very nicely.  It really doesn't matter what think.  You only need to take care of you!  You know the truth and the people around you know the truth.  Might want to break ties completely.  If they ever really want to know you will have a hospital bill to prove it.  Surround yourself with people who are positive and support you.  You say your family is great - that is all you need!  Just take care of you and your family.  How sad for you-sorry and how sad for them that they could not support you during this.  No need to have them be negative to you.  You did nothing wrong!  Sometimes bad things happen to really good people.  Take care of you!

[jesse11]

I just want the last two weeks to go back and not happen I never thought I could be so excited to have a baby that wasn't planned and to be so ready to do it alone but I really was and I had figured out almost everything just hadn't told everyone yet, and I mean now I am so incredibly upset and I have my finals for school on thursday and saturday so I don't even have time to go through it all in my head.  I know I need to tell them before they start calling and everything I just don't know how to make them believe that I had a miscarriage I mean they didn't even believe I was pregnant :'(

I know it doesn't say anything much about me but I mean our family is a very christian family, I don't smoke, I don't drink (if anything I have one like every 2 months or more) I volunteer through our church and on the ambulance and several other places in my town I never do anything dishonest or rude to people and then the one person that I needed to trust me made me almost believe that I had just made up the whole pregnancy.  I mean it has been such a whirlwind couple weeks and I am yet again left heart broken and he is so rude about it everything already hurt it just hurts so much more dealing with them

[aowens]

Honey I am so sorry for you loss...

You owe NOONE anything..just remember that..take your time and grieve your loss and do not worry about them..