Hi Doctor,
I am a 28 y/o female medical student with a long standing history of major depression. For the last couple of months I have been in an "episode", depressed mood, decreased concentration and energy, anhedonia, sleep/appetite changes and suicidal ideation. This has been an ongoing problem with me for many years, since childhood actually. I have tried therapy and I have tried various antidepressants without any success.
Recently I have begun to question my ability to perform, now as a student, and later as a doctor. I am in third year, mid IM rotation. I have been able to maintain my grades and continue to do well, but I am lacking the passion I once had and am finding it difficult to go in each day and even harder to study. I know I am doing well, but I can't help but feel that I am sinking. I feel, honestly, like I made a huge mistake going into medicine. I mean, I can't even take care of myself!
Anyhow, I guess I don't need medical advise, but would like your opinion on med students/doctors with depression. Do you think it compromises performance? Do you think it is even possible to be a good doctor when you are battling this monster? And what in the world do you say when your attending asks you to present your research topic and you can't, because instead of studying, you spent the previous night crying and wishing you were dead?