Over the past couple of years my mental health has been getting worse and worse.
Almost everyday I wake up feeling dead, pale, hot/cold and full of anger hate resentment. Weekly anger meltdowns have been increasing and they're caused by my mood but the trigger is any form of stress or pressure, as well as being wronged/treated unfairly. Some days I'm very happy but most the time I hate life wanting to kill myself, sometimes when I'm happy I can't understand ever wanting to kill myself the mindsets are so far apart.
My parents keep saying I'm alienating everyone around them and the amount of hate I feel is incredible, I want to beat any scummy selfish pig to death. It all starts when I wake up dead,
Wake up dead, pale, brain/vision foggy, tension/extreme irritiability, spitefull, sweaty armpits, I look lifeless and evil and feel hatred towards people in general.
Anger, resentment, hate, life or death situations, never in the middle emotionally (not bipolar though).
Anger fits, horrible meltdowns triggered by stress/pressure or injustice. Crying/sadness and somewhat regret follow these meltdowns. These meltdowns are extremely severe and can bring on fever, dehydration and vibrating vision/vision blacking out sometimes.
More and more food allergies/intolerances, lots of wind/gas, solid black stool or very loose strange smelling green/yellow stool without fail everytime. The sweaty arm pits, dead feeling/hate whilst waking up along with pale skin occur everytime without fail.
Please if anyone has any suggestions I'd love to hear them, I'm destroying my family melting down I call them the most brutal words I can think of and everything they say is (or interpreted) condescending and makes me even angrier. To the point of smashing objects. The arguments are over little things that don't matter to the normal person, such as no clothes or dinner or something. I feel every little thing is a chore.
I went through this degree of my affliction when I was younger. I ruined part of my life by fighting away help. I could have been farther in life right now had a not. You sound like you have a dangerous rapid cycling bi polar and I know it seems hard right now, but what you need to do is go to a hospital. Your family and you don't need to suffer, and trust me watching you go through this is hard on everyone in your life. Go to a hospital and they will get you on the right meds. Don't lie be straight with your doctor tell them how you feel exactly and how any medicines make you feel.. food luck to you. So Sry you are going through this but you can come out on top and end up being stronger and wiser for it
Black stool can mean blood in the stool, which can mean a bleeding ulcer. You really need to see a doctor ASAP about that.
For the rest I would talk to a psychiatrist. I was scared out of my gord to go to one but I am so glad I did. The medication I take helps me so much, and so does the talk therapy. Its too big to handle on your own. And be brutally honest with your psychiatrist. Print and take this post with you. Its a good descriptor of what is going on. It is hard to be honest when it isn't flattering what you have to say about yourself, but the more honest you are - the more likely you are to get the help you need.
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