Stress

[Jaquta]

Hi.  I'm struggling with stress and anxiety at the moment and as a result have become extremely sensitive.  The sensitivity is affecting my ability to function.  I am struggling to tolerate most things and I am feeling constantly on edge.  I feel that I have managed my stress as best as possible but are still struggling.

Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I thought that the problem may have been that I missed a doctor's appointment and that that disrupted structure, or PMT.  Financially I have felt constrained and that has been stressful.  I complained about the treatment I was receiving here and the hospital are finally addressing that now.  They promised to have it done by last week which has since become this week.  My brothers are coming to stay (which is nice but stressful at the same time).  Our builder is suppose to be returning to fix stuff that he did wrong.  We have painters in next week (and need to finish packing up the entire house).  There are other large projects on that I have no control over which are also stressful.  Just not sure how to get back on top of all this.  I have been exercising.  I have been eating healthily.  I am getting adequate sleep.  I had been taking time for myself (although not so much the past few days).

I have about one 1 mg lorazepam tablet left but are loathe to take that.  Not for any other reason than I am worried about how it will affect me.  I am having periods where I am feeling somewhat confused.  I think that is due to not being able to remember adequately and it messing with my mind.  Me second guessing whether it was real or not.

[Jaquta]

I don't know that I help others but I think that concentrating on others issues is a good distraction and is something I enjoy.  I think at times part of me is envious of how easy it seems for some people to change.  I also feel selfish needing help to work on me.  I also feel ashamed and useless that I can't seem to make the necessary changes myself.

I honestly couldn't say what's been going on with me either.  Probably about a week before I posted here I was feeling tense and irritable.  I was feeling on edge and snapping at my mother for little things.  Everything seemed to just grate.  A bit like the nails down the chalk board.

Complaining about my treatment from the hospital was extremely hard and I think I pushed everything away in order to cope.  I submitted my complaint in June.
In July I made an effort to do more farm work so my days were more structured.  I guess with other things going on that has become somewhat disrupted.

Other issues?  My parents are continuing to severely underfeed their stock and won't reorder more feed.  This has a long, complicated history too.  I feel severely stressed financially.  My mother makes comments about not having money or being able to afford things and the majority of my benefit has ended up in her bank account.  I feel indebted to my parents for sacrifices they've made but also resent them for their questionable decisions.
We have a builder who has to keep coming back to fix up things he's done wrong.  In the weekend he told my parents he would kill himself if he had one more complaint.  The complaints aren't just from my parents but from other jobs he's done/ not done.

We have painters here this week.  We had already painted but my parents are redoing it.  It feels a little intrusive to have people in my personal space.  They're respectful enough but it's still stressful.

Issues with the dogs so I've been spending more time exercising and discipling them.  My mother could easily exercise them as this works in with what she already does but chooses not too.  I run but then have to make time to walk them.

There's lots of other stuff.  People peeing on the floor and then not cleaning it up.  Then them going to the toilet in the paddock right where I'm working.  I ask that if they need to go can they do it where I'm not working.  Is that too much to ask?  Cleaning up after others at home when they could just take the time to put stuff away themselves after they have things.  The more stressed I've become the less tolerant I've become and the more these things have irked.

My father touching me which I hate.

I don't know what the problem is.  I expect part of it is me feeling tired and overwhelmed.  Me feeling tired and frustrated of my GP's and the mhs response, or lack of.  When I get stressed I feel that my GP pushes me away and that contributes to me feeling more isolated.

I just feel trapped with nowhere to go and no way out.

I think that there are expectations that I continue to do what I'm doing.  I feel that it's not working for me.  I feel that if there weren't those expectations that I wouldn't bother with anything but then maybe if they weren't there then there wouldn't be all this stress.

I think I've missed the point entirely.  I lack boundaries.  The lack of support is contributing to me feeling rubbish at the moment.  The lack of feedback from the hospital is also stressing me (which my GP feels is malicious).  My exercise has been hit and miss this week and I have put on 5 kg's in the past week.

I'm sorry this is all over the place I can't concentrate.

[Peter Forster]

You have done such a good job helping others that I would like to find a way of helping you. However I find that I am missing a lot of recent context, other than your post I don't know what has been going on with you. Also, I can't quite tell if I should focus on the issue of nobody helping you (which I can certainly get into) or how you are feeling right now? I would love to get one of those wonderful longer posts from you about yourself...

[Jaquta]

I was just wondering but is it possible to work through and resolve a messed up internal world yourself?

I'm just wondering if nobody (mhs) will help me and I can't help myself then what is the point.  I'm not sure I want to spend the rest of my life just existing when it could be so much more.

[Jaquta]

Thanks for the response.  This will be my third reply to your response.

I think that I need to go away and think about this some more and see what I can do to help myself more.  Are tired of this constant stress which seems to be getting worse not better.

[Peter Forster]

I was just reading an interesting article in Biological Psychiatry about the fact that moderate levels of stress has very different effects on people in terms of brain activity. For one group moderate stress activates many of the same parts of the brain that are activated by traumatic events - with the result of high levels of cortisol and stress hormones which leads to trouble with memory as well as psychological distress.
For another group moderate stress activates an excitement and anticipation part of the brain - kind of like the response that some folks feel when they jump on a tiny board with a large sail overhead and speed through choppy waters (sailboarding).
The article did not say what one could do about that difference. It seems to me that getting adequate sleep and eating healthy and getting regular exercise and generally trying to keep to healthy routines is an excellent response. I do wonder about the ability of the pre-frontal cortex (thoughts) to affect how one responds. I remember a while back being totally terrified by public speaking and, gradually, coming to view it as more "exciting" and less "potentially catastrophic" and I guess that process had some aspects of the two brain responses described above...