what to do

[babits29063]

I posted about 10 months ago, I finally have been approved for temporary disablity and medicaid, the problem the lady at the disabilty determination told me if I let them know that I was having depression issues I might lose it, I feel like I am losing it having my medical doctors (cardiologist, internal med, gastrologist, nephrologist and onoclogist) telling me if I don't get out from under the stress I am under and do exactly what they say I will be dead in 6 month to a year  ( I don't believe it, wish it would happen thought) I wish I would die everyday hate the situation I am in but trapped, hate taking meds that make me so tired that I can't function I end up in bed all day everyday activies are extermly hard to do and hate pretending everything is ok and that I'm happy, I went from working seven days a week to being told no more work, from being healthly to falling apart. I know I need help, wanting to be dead isn't normal and planing it is even more unnormal  and to the point I am seriouly want to be out and planning a date. but afriad to call a psychiatirst because I could lose what little help I get with my meds  and bills. is there something or someplace I could turn that won't jeaporized my insurance and benifits. I'm at the end  I just don't want to be anymore....Thanks Barb

[Peter Forster]

I agree with Jaquta that you need to set some boundaries on everyone else. It can be extraordinarily hard as a mother to do that but I think that right now getting you better is VERY important for your family, more important than most of their other needs - well other than telling them that how you are feeling is not their fault and you still love them very much...

Having said that I have to say that I am a bit baffled about what you should do next. I wonder if a NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness) support group might be helpful... not sure but there are often folks staffing NAMI offices who can help you figure out what local resources are available... and calling them won't have any affect on anything... they are very good with confidentiality.

I also think that you may have to bite the bullet and find a psychiatrist, because whatever they were thinking about (the disability ladies) the fact of the matter is that it would ultimately be illegal for your disability status to be dependent on your pretending that you are not depressed, and as long as you don't get help with depression everything else is going to stay overwhelming and you are going to feel as though you are moving in slow motion struggling desperately not to be overwhelmed by each crisis as it comes along.

[Jaquta]

I can sympathize with your situation.  My mental health service has been unsupportive.  I have had strong urges to kill.  I feel tired by the constant lack of support and hopelessness of the situation that I can't seem to change.  I know my thoughts and feelings are likely caused by feeling tired, stressed, trapped and powerless.  I just feel eternally defeated by it all.

I was going to suggest phoning and clarifying your cover or conditions of it.  Why the change from unlimited cover?  It sounds crazy to do that if someone needs support.

My advice would be to set limits with the kids.  Not sure how one goes about doing that.  My family don't get my health issues and tend to negate them.  I know how invalidating and stressful that is.  I honestly don't know how one goes about making people more receptive to hearing things.

You could always set boundaries around yourself though and do what you need to do in order to get well.  Sometimes it does require patience.  Find stuff that you can do and that you find enjoyable and that doesn't tax you and that gives you a sense of purpose.

It's probably not the best solution but there are free crisis phone lines that you could try.  Sometimes talking helps.

My advice is to take each moment as it comes.  Sometimes looking too far ahead can be depressing.  It probably wouldn't be a bad thing to have goals though or something to look forward too.  Structuring your day can sometimes be helpful.

Take care.

[babits29063]

I live in South Carolina, Yes I am sure the lady at the hospital and the lady at disability determination both told me to be careful, It would cause issues not sure why. But since I have post the coverage I have is being changed to only 12 visit a year (had unlimited coverage) which knocks me out of get any assistance as I have a minimum  of 2 if not 4 or 5 appointments a month and can't afford to cover it out of pocket I don't know what to do. As if I was feeling totally stressed. I don't know what to do now. these feeling aren't going away and they seem to control me now days. Do you have any suggestion my family is not a support group they would prefer me dead they have been told by my doc that I need to take it easy and not over do if I ever want to improve, the kids come back with your docs are quacks and don't know what they are talking about. and continue  to expect me to do 24 / 7 , I am lost and just feel like a burden to everyone and wish pray I wasn't. Do you have any suggestion Thanks for listening to my rambling I'm just tired and want to be back to some kind of normal I know I can't change my medical issues, but I need some kind of help just don't where to turn if there is something I could do or if..........just don't know
Thanks Barb

To: freddie8605 Thanks

[freddie8605]

Hey, I am not a doctor so i hope i am aloud to write in this forum
I read your story and i am so sorry you feel this way. I am not sure about you concerns with disability as i live in New Zealand and health care is mainly free. But i know what is feels like to want to die, and all though it is not normal many people do feel this way at some point in lives. You are not alone I have suffered depression, but not the other health issues you seem to be dealing with so i cant imagine how much harder that is. I just wanted you to know that i am here for you if you want to chat.

I don't know if this is possible but if you are in a crisis and plan to kill yourself please go to the E.R or your local doctor, hope that doesn't cost to much. because on day like me you can know life is good and you will be pleased you are still be alive.

God Bless

[Peter Forster]

Dear Barb,
That doesn't make sense to me since you can get disability because of depression... Which state do you live in? Are you sure that was what she was saying?