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572651 tn?1531002957

D.U.M.B. - Disorders in Doctors

Our dear friend Wonko found this on a  lyme disease forum and kindly sent it to me.  There was no attribution as to who wrote it ...

I'm sure you can appreciate this new problem with doctors.


Epidemic of Disorders in Doctors

The emergence of Medically Unexplained Illnesses has revealed an epidemic of behavioral problems and personality disorders in doctors.

Patients expressing unfamiliar complaints to their physicians often induce the "It's All In Your Head" (AIYH) or the "That's Impossible" response in doctors suffering from these behavioral problems and personality disorders.

Physicians who manifest the metaphysical belief system of "If we don't know about it, then it doesn't exist" are suffering from a psychological condition known as "Doctors with Unexplained Medical Beliefs" or D.U.M.B.

DUMB doctors are comprised of two categories that are characterized by a) those who are feigning to be DUMB for monetary gain: "Medicalingering", and b) those who are not in possession of sufficient information to render intelligent diagnoses: "Factlessitious Disorder".

Physicians who are predisposed to this condition place an inordinate emphasis on theories of psychological causality for virtually any unfamiliar complaints that are presented to them.

This somatiform obsession with psychological etiology, "Psychosomatization Disorder" or "Psychologizing" is a distinctive characteristic of the illness and should be considered a warning sign that the individual is not rational and may in fact be DUMB.

DUMB disorder may be concomitant but should not be confused with Signs of Thoroughly Umistakable Physician Intelligence Deficiency or "S.T.U.P.I.D." since a STUPID physician is uniformly incompetent while a DUMB doctor is only mentally paralyzed into "psychologizing" by unfamiliar symptoms and complaints.

An immediate investigation is warranted to assess the prevalence of DUMB and STUPID doctors and to determine the impact that physicians suffering from these conditions have on the health care system and their patients.
66 Responses
405614 tn?1329147714
Oh, I thoroughly enjoyed this!  Thank you, Wonko, and thank you, Lulu, for sharing this with us.

293157 tn?1285877039
ha... Hi Wonko...thanks for thinking of us... miss you
562511 tn?1285907760
That is brilliant.  Whoever wrote this hit the nail on the head.

I have noticed that the D.U.M.B and S.T.U.P.I.D doctors roll their eyes around in their sockets while having an episode. An obvious sign their brains are malfunctioning in a manner that becomes evident their logical thinking abilities have abruptly stopped.  

On a more serious note, the reaction of doctors trickle down to their patients.  Their patients are left to feel dumb and stupid themselves and even apologetic for seeking medical services.  Worse yet, are left with being labeled as crazy, somatic, neurotic, or hysterical.   Their unfortunate patients are left without guidance or referral. This can be a very traumatic and humiliating experience for the patient and often does great harm.  These physicians have forgotten their oath "to do no harm."

Most often these opinions are given prematurely by a physician that does know their patient, and does not have the education to render such an opinion in the first place.

If we find ourselves in such a situation, pull out your S.I.U.Y.A. card.  (an up-yours card).  Otherwise you will be left with Z.I.L.C.H.  a physician who is Zany, Incompetent, Cynical, and Haughty.  Or a L.A.C.K.S.  a physician one who Lacks Any Concrete Knowledge or Skills.  (that was fun!)  

195469 tn?1388326488
I absolutely love this.  Thanks to Lulu and Wonko for getting it posted here.  Boy, I have never been so tempted to print this out, go to my old "BAD" Neuro and accidentally tape it to the wall in his waiting room and run for the hills....well in my case, wobble.

Thanks again to both of you.  I miss you Wonko,  How are things going for you?

987762 tn?1331031553
This is a brilliant piece of work!!!!

I enjoyed it so much and i so like to laugh, this was a great way to start the day.

Thanks for sharing :-)

739070 tn?1338607002
Excellent piece, thanks to Wonko and Lulu.  And to Karen: applause, applause to your addendum...very well done!

147426 tn?1317269232

I have felt crummy all day and you just made me cackle and giggle!!  What a treat!  You would think with our analysis of bad doctoring, we would have come up on these theories earlier, but today was as good a day as any.

Thank you, Thank you.

I'm sure there will be a great medical and sociological exploration of these two syndromes in the days to come!

Quizzle Stix
147426 tn?1317269232
I had to do some research on this.  Can't believe I missed this info!

An article from The Journal of Irreproducible Results from January, 2009 had this letter to the editor:


And this from an archived issue of the Journal of Irrelevant Infectious Diseases: Vol XXIV, 34:1098-2012.

"But, new information has come to light supporting an infectious etiology for DUMB doctors, specifically Type B - the Factlessness or Factlessitious Subtype - that is not seen in Medicalingerers nor in STUPID doctors.  At a point early in their careers, this subset DUMB doctors can be shown to have been normal, abruptly showing a change in behavior that is characterized by the DUMB syndrome.  This almost always occurs in the setting of a high incidence of DUMB.  This suggests that the DUMB practitioner was suddenly infected by an as yet unknown infectious organism.

The DUMB practitioner is far more likely to refer the unsatisfied patient to another practitioner who suffers from similar "psychologistic" practices.  These infected doctors may run in herds, infecting and reinfecting each other.  They have a herd mentality and are likely to infect whole departments in well-known hospitals.  This may account for the not-infrequent assessments that psychological "stress" is the cause of all problems - all pointing back to excessive preocupation with the idea that symptoms are caused by the act of merely existing.

The acute infection is often hard to recognize, but the astute observer will notice the tendency to stand near the door of the exam room, the revulsion at touching the patient and the discarding of any data that might seem relevant to an otherwise unafflicted doctor, thus resulting in little or no  information being obtained.  The DUMB doctor frequently interrupts the patient.   An early clue is the mounting pile of unread medical journals in the trunk of their cars.  Some have suggested that early intervention might salvage other-wise lost medical brains by merely noting which cars run low in back as they enter the physicians' parking lot.  However, this can lead to false postive results from excessive editions of National Geographic headed for the library for recycling.  

Other tipoffs to the condition are the frequent "eye-rolling" and the tendency to snort derisively.  Some particularly observant sociologist have noticed other  similarities to the bull in a bull fighting arena include occasional stomping and tossing of the head.  Charging at the Red Flags of depression, female gender, age over 30, "nonspecific" MRI reports, and negative LP results often preceed the psychologizing by mere seconds.  The DUMB doctor seems to be surprising unself-aware.

The Medicalingerers, on the other hand, can be shown to have the basic traits of avariciousness so characteristic of this subtype, apparent from very early on in the medical education.

STUPID doctors, on the other hand, curiously appear to have some self-knowledge of their malady and tend to refrain from referring to other doctors.  This researcher believes this is in fear that their syndrome will be revealed.  The professional isolation sometimes protects them from infection which might otherwise render them also DUMB.  They find little enjoyment in the day to day banter and sharing of opinions known as "Second Opinions."  They seem to have little care that their mental chaos is an obvious embarrasment to their families and colleagues.

Zermanigoogi, Franco, MD.


Wow!  What will we find next?!

Avatar universal
got about half way through and started laughing out loud. love it!!!

certainly worth taping to a few doors at a few certain clinics i go to. they should have humor like us, right? LOL

quite enjoyable funny read
147426 tn?1317269232
This got missed from the above post:

An article from The Journal of Irreproducible Results from January, 2009 had this letter to the editor:


Avatar universal
Wow, so this is a REAL disorder amongst the docs - lol, maybe they should be referring each other to psychiatrists instead of their patients. I have come across this D.U.M.B. syndrome at least 4 times in the past year. One doc had a really bad case of it, I bareley got started on my "list" of symptoms when she kept interrupting me and then stopped me from reading. Made some comment about somatization disorder and insisted I see a counselor. All before performing any kind of a physical exam.
In addition to rolling the eyes in the back of the head, I would say other obvious signs of this widespread disorder include difficulty hearing, inability to look at the patient while the patient is speaking, chronic uncontrollable need to speak while the patient is speaking, and impulsively jumping to conclusions about that which they do not know.
572651 tn?1531002957
Q- thanks for the edition.  AS always, your brilliance as a clinician, researcher and composer of brilliant thoughts shine through.   - L
572651 tn?1531002957
that should be ADDITION and not edition.  that's another example of my brain these days :-)
Avatar universal
Oh, and as mentioned in an above post, this doc also impatiently stood beside the door the entire time even though their was a comfortable looking chair right in front of her. (I think she kept one foot partially in the doorway so she could quickly run from the room at the point at which it was time for me to ask any questions relevant to my symptoms, become frustrated with her lack of ability to give even an educated guess and want to leave.
147426 tn?1317269232
I have tried to post this twice already and it didn't post.  Here is the third attempt:

One must always wonder at the etiology of such problems.  This researcher, in collaboration with and with funds from the Members of L.I.M.B.O.L.A.N.D. (Living In Madness Because Of Lazy, Arrogant and Narcissistic Doctors) has recently theorized that these are completely distinct and etiologically unrelated problems, though there may be a genetic susceptibility.  One cannot reconcile the frequency with which these are encountered in the same doctor without considering genetics.

A Swedish researcher has possibly found the cause for the otherwise unexplainable association between Continuing Medical Education conventions and TiddleeWinks tournaments.  For decades sociologists have assumed that the TiddleeWinks enthusiasts that have followed medical education meetings was essentially like the followers of The Grateful Dead - a subculture of drugs, arts, heavy rock and tie-dye - which made up an self-sufficient sub-economy which followed the famous band from city to city.

However, an elegant study from Sweden shows that the Tiddly Winks fanatics and a large portion of DUMB and STUPID doctors have the same thing in common.  They share several gene markers on several different chromosomes (2q19, 2p12, 2p23, 21p16)  These genes can be activated by intense mental endeavor - such as may be occur in medical school.  However, it also shows up as an decreased attention span, difficulties with social interaction and a compulsive fascination for brightly-colored objects.  Exposure to brilliant, colored, flying, plastic discs triggers a huge release of endorphins in this subset of the population.  This may well be the basis for the lure of the TiddleeWinks play at the expense of further medical knowledge.  It also expains the difficulty we have found in treating both DUMB and STUPID.  After applying the Freedom of Information Act the Swedish researcher has found a statistically significant relationship between the founders of the Tiddly Winks establishment and medical school dropouts.

Now we can understand the mistaken belief of DUMB doctors that  "There is No Pain in MS".

405614 tn?1329147714
I was chuckling quietly, enjoying Quix's new additions, until I got to LIMBOLAND; I laughed so loud I woke Fluffy up, and he's downstairs!

Thank you all so much; this is truly wonderful.  I too will have to fight to keep myself from printing these findings out and leaving them taped to the wall in the offices of my first three neuros!

This is good medicine!

739070 tn?1338607002
Absolutely superb and just what the doc ordered..laughter !!!!

738075 tn?1330579444
YaaaHaaa!  Lu, I finally got to this post and all the wonderful posts in the thread!  This is so great!  My heart goes to all of you in L.I.M.B.O.L.A.N.D. (thanks to Quix for that! Ha!).  I loose my patience when I hear of all of you being stonewalled.  But a little laughter never hurt!

I used to read the Journal of Irreproducible Results in college.  I was a Biology major, and it was fun to break up all those dry scientific articles with this.  So fun!

429700 tn?1308011423
That's the funniest thing I've read in a long time.  I'll be chuckling about that all day.  Thanks for the laughs!
Avatar universal
Thanks for the post.

I read your post and my first instinct was to find out who wrote it too!  I didn't realize that Quix all ready did.  (I didn't read the complete thread 1st.)  I should have known I wouldn't be the 1st to think to do the research.

I found this posted on Inspire posted September 19, 2007 without an author too.  Doing a little more digging, I found it on  http://www.bathareame.org.uk/news1.htm,
ME IN THE NEWS MEDIA.  It was signed by Erik Johnson, Incline Village CFS survivor.  I also seen it on another site signed by him and it said  something on the line of it is okay to reproduce it.  So, is he the original author?

Thanks for the laughs and the info to use my left brain for a moment!

147426 tn?1317269232
I have to be honest here.  None of what I wrote was truly written by anyone else.  I was giving fake citations to make it look better.  'my bad!

147426 tn?1317269232
A BIG thank you to Erik Johnson!!
704043 tn?1298060444
  LOL!!!!!   I am  so glad  u  shared that!!   i  needed a  laugh!!!-   but  what can  we  do???
    lol!!  they  r  out there!!   thank  you!!   tick
147426 tn?1317269232
S.T.U.P.I.D. - A Case Study


Patient walks into doctor's  exam room and nurse asks, "Why are you here?"

Patient - "I've been diagnosed with ADS - Appendage Dropoff Syndrome."

Nurse, "Okay, the doctor will be in shortly."

Doctor - "Good Morning, I'm Dr. Pfufinek.  What can I do for you?"

P - "Well, I was diagnosed two months ago with ADS, but now my insurance has changed, and I'm worse, so I'm coming to you for care"

Dr. - "How was the diagnosis made?"

P - "Well, first my pinky and ring finger on the left fell off.  Then, a month later my left nostril fell off.  And shortly after that I lost my right earlobe."

Dr. - "I don't diagnnose ADS until 4 appendages have dropped off."

P - "Well, that is four, a nostril, an earlobe and 2 fingers!"

Dr. - "I would count the two adjacent fingers as one appendage."

P - "Okay, that's why I'm here.  Yesterday my right arm dropped off, and I'm really worried!  That makes 5 appendages, or four by your count.  Shouldn't I be on some Disease Modifying Drugs to slow all this down?"  The Patient lays the arm down on the doctor's desk.

The Doctor puts on gloves and distastfully sets it aside.  "Hmm...Does your urine glow in the dark?"

P -"No, but they said that only about 60% of patients' urine glowed in the dark."

Dr. - "I won't make the diagnosis without glowing urine.  Besides you're too old"

P - "But, there is no upper age limit.  Lots of people older than me have been diagnosed with ADS.  I've already been diagnosed and I'm getting worse.  I'm desperate!  Every morning I count everything to see that it's all still there!"

Dr. - "Ahhhhh, I see....Do you have a history of anxiety?"

P - "Only since things started falling off on me."

Dr. - "I think you should have a psychiatric evaluation. This all is just probably a stress reaction.


Dr. - "Have you had all of the mimics excluded? "

P - "I think so, I was checked for Farm Equipment Accidents, Gangrene, Motorcycle Crashes, Recurrent Ninja Attacks, Machine Shop Malfunctions, and evidence of Werewolf Infestation.  And of  course, I was checked for Absentmindedness, but there was no evidence that I merely mislaid something and didn't notice."

DR. - "Is that all?"

P - "I think so.  What about a DMD?"

DR. - Well, I don't think you're bad enough off yet to begin treatment. And there is no evidence that your disease is progressing.


Dr. -  "Any number of things could have caused that."

P - I don't understand how you can say that.  Other people with less disease than I have get the DMD's.  That's the current recommendation.  How can you say I'm not "bad enough?"

Dr. - "You can still walk and have full full use of your left arm, except for the two fingers.  They really aren't that much help anyway.  But, you should be evaluated for Leprosy.  Many people don't know that this, too, can mimic ADS.  It's rare, but someday I will find a case.  I have a contact at a leper colony in Brazil."  The doctor walks to the door, "Nurse, Please quarantine our patient here and make preparations to ship him immediatley to Brazil."

The Patient is led away in shock and bewilderment.

Sound familiar to anyone?

The Quizzler
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