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Multiple Sclerosis Community
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My partner has MS and just needing advice

Hello, this is my first post here. My boyfriend has MS and we've been together for a year now.

I knew he had MS when we first got together after I asked a load of questions. I'm 22 and he'll soon be 27. We've had some of the best times together and done things I never thought I would with someone. I love him but I do worry about the future. He's gone back into education but because of MS he worries about how he could ever be a professional with his memory problems or when he has a bad day. Some of the comments he makes about his condidtion leave me feeling hopeless ane useless...I would love to just take this illness away and I never know what to say to him.

Recently its been humid and that affects him a lot not just physically but mentally.

When he gets bad and I stay over, I make him sit and rest while I make his shake for the next day and get his breakfast as his head goes.

A little help with what to say and do would be a great help.
1 Responses
667078 tn?1316000935
Going into a relationship where you know someone has MS is hard. No one knows what the future brings for any of us. My husband married me not knowing I had MS and now terminal cancer. So you could marry a very healthy person as I was and later they or you get sick or in an accident. There are no guarantees. We have friends who have been in accidents, got cancer, got ALS, and other conditions. No one knows.

I have the memory issues from MS but I cope with them. I make jokes about it.The main thing is to accept them and not worry. The more you worry the harder it is. Think about the heat this way. Think of the person as a computer. As the computer gets hot it runs slower and slower.

Honesty is them most important thing in the relationship. If something bothers you need to express it. Timing is important pick a calm time to say serious things instead of bursting out in a heated time. You can't bottle things up either.

The hardest part to deal with as a partner is that everything can become about the MS. I have a sign on the fridge that says it is not all about MS. My husband voiced this to me and it helped. When he gets home from work I turn off the TV, hang up the phone, and sincerely ask how his day was. He said this was important. We schedule dates. Just like when we were single. Special we time. Now that I have had MS this long I do not think about it. I have a lot of perminant symptoms. I even live with the cancer.

Oh and you need an outlet. Something for yourself. For my husband it is bicycling. He rides every week end sometimes for 5 hours. I allow him to spend his time and money on bikes because it keeps him healthy. Oh and having someone to talk to. He has some buddies when things get hard and he needs to vent.

MS is unpredictable. Mine was really bad at first then it is stable. Everyone is different. It all depends on which nerve is effected. MS does effect men a little harder statistically.

Alex
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