Need help on my situation with MS !!

[biiib]

I'm in love with a girl whom i did not know until recently that she has MS...since then i can not work, focus on anything except reading and learning about the MS symptoms, effects, medications and treatments, for the past 2 weeks i have been doing nothing except the obsession with MS...I began question myself if I truely love her or not, that I deserve a happy normal life with a normal person and if that I;m selfish to think that way...BUT the thing is since I knew about her condition i felt more responsible and more protective and i thought to myself that I do not have to leave her, and what would she do if she were in my shoes ?!
I love her so much and I intend to marry her...BUT I'm so affraid of tomorrow, if we did get married what about our children ?! will they have the same condition ?!
I do not want to sound selfish or ungrateful, I just need help Because I'm tired of thinking...
So please help guys, am I on the right track or what ?!!

[kwarendorf]

Hi - Welcome to or group.

A warning up front. You may not like what I have to say :-)

First, how can you be in love with someone and not know about minor details like MS? If she withheld the information, past say the 3rd or 4th date, then it raises a major red flag.  If the information came up in the "normal" timeline of a relationship then perhaps you haven't given it enough time to truly be in love.

Your reaction to the news seems a bit over the top. Yes, having MS is a big deal. It does not mean she is next in lione for a wheelchair and a drool cup. Many of us with MS lead relatively normal, productive lives. I get up and go to work every morning like most folks. My girlfriend (of 14 years) and I travel, ride bikes and yes have a very enjoyable sex life.

MS is not genetic. Should you and she have children they would be only slightly more likely than the general public to get MS.

I would suggest that you stop reading MS horror stories on the internet. If you really want to find out about life with MS, or life with someone with MS, contact the local chapter of the Natgional MS Society, I'm sure thye will be able to point you to resources that will provide well founded information.

Beyond MS, I would counsel you to spend some time really examining your relationship.

Kyle

[AnnaElise88]

You know what, just stop it!!!   There are many medications and helpful therapies out there now.  She doesn't need someone who is 'fearful' about her condition and how it may ruin their life.  Since I was diagnosed, I have known many seemingly healthy people who have gotten cancer and died, people who have had heart attacks and died on the spot, You just don't know what is going to happen to your own health, quite frankly.  Go forward bravely; support and love her.  Lie a healthy life, make the most of the "now" moments.  Make a bucket list, and pursue it.  The journey will be worth it.

[supermum_ms]

Hi and welcome to our little MS community,

Granted there maybe a cultural or generation difference for me but It honestly confused me that you didn't know 'everything' about her, and it got me wondering how you could possibly think that you know this girl is yours for ever more, if you are only now finding out about her having MS.  

One of the things i noticed about your post is the absence of unity, your wording seems to me, to be more focused on how her MS will effect you and your happiness. If you are only focused on your self and your own future happiness, that only makes sense to me............if you are not yet in a fully committed relationship, are you newly in love with this girl and still getting to know her?  

If you are questioning if you truly love her or not, only after finding out she has a medical condition, i would think you probably don't love her enough, definitely not enough to commit your self to her in marriage. I'm saying that as a someone who's been married for over 20 years, someone who knows her husband is absolutely still in love with the girl he married and someone who knows one of her husbands greatest fears, is loosing the girl....

Ask your self........if having her in your life makes you a better man, will you do what ever it takes to make your future together happier-easier-safer, will you carry the weight of life's responsibilities when she needs your strong shoulders, will you slay the dragons............

If your answer's are yes, then she maybe the girl for you but please remember to always include how the girl feels about you. I think people still need to know if the man or woman they love is the type of person who would consider leaving when life is imperfect. Maybe it's just wishful romance but i would hope if you love someone enough to want to commit your life to them, the MS dx wouldn't change anything, committed despite what may happen!

Food for thought.............JJ

PS i'm still in love with my husband and ready to slay the dragons :D

[Lewy2209]

My sentiment exactly!  I feel you right there Alex! :)  Respect!  Follow your heart biiib!  Be true to youself my friend. What will be will be!

[HVAC]

The truth is we don't know what can happen in the future for any of us. When my husband and I met we did not know I would have MS and Cancer. If you are not okay with MS then you are not doing her good to stay. I would not want my husband to stay if he was not in love with me.  He wants me around no matter what. I have had MS a long time and it has not progressed. I only see the Neurologist every two years.

Alex

[immisceo]

I think you're getting ahead of yourself and causing panic. First off, have you spoken in depth about it with her? She probably already knows the answers to a lot of the questions your mention and will feel better if communication stays open between the two of you.

Secondly, she IS a normal person. Yes, there will be unknowns in her future regarding her health, but good health isn't guaranteed to anyone. You don't seem selfish to think that way, just uninformed. Fear is understandable. The unknown is a scary thing, likely more so for her. But... MS is not what it once was. There are medications that don't cure, but help. It's more about making modifications and being flexible with our routines and what we expect of ourselves.

Yes, some days suck. Some days are tough. But this is the reality of any relationship in the real world.

P.S. MS will not affect her ability to have children and there is only a slight increase in the chance of a child to eventually develop MS.

[Lewy2209]

I met a girl a couple of weeks ago and have just started to date her. I like her very much! She told me she had MS but i'm not worrying about it as I feel that we have a connection and all i'm wanting is to be happy and although it's very early days I don't want to look back and think what if?  I've had four 5 year relationships that all ended one way or another regardless of any conditions. What if your girl is THE ONE and you pass up what could be the love of your life and what if like you say it where the other way around. She could make you the happiest person on the planet and vise versa! Not sure about how the condition affects having children though. Just my thoughts.