SAD--BUT NEW HORIZONS

[spitfire989]

HI FELLOW MS'ers,  I HOPE YOU ALL HAD A VERY NICE CHRISTMAS, AND SANTA WAS GOOD TO YOU --- MINE WAS QUITE AND RATHER UNEVENTFUL, BUT I GUESS THAT'S OK.----I GUESS I SHOULD FEEL 'ELATED' AS I WAS GIVEN A $ 5 WATCH.--OH BOY OH BOY! -----ANYRATE, I TITLED THIS ' POST' AS  "SAD BUT NEW HORIZONS", BECAUSE BETWEEN THE DAY OF AND DAY AFTER OF CHRISTMAS I WAS TOLD TO MY FACE SOME (VERY MEAN VERY HURTFUL) THINGS BY MY FAMILY. ---A COMBINATION OF THE SAME STATEMENTS OF BEING A DISGRACE, PATHETIC, AND PRETTY MUCH A LOSER.----IN FACT I WAS TOLD TO MY FACE THAT THEY WISHED THEY NEVER ADOPTED ME WHEN I WAS 7, BECAUSE I'VE BEEN A THORN AND A DISGRACE FROM THE GET GO.----AND WAS ALSO TOLD THAT WHATEVER HAPPENES TO ME NOW AND IN THE FUTURE IS NOT A CONCERN OF  HER'S AND STATED THAT SHE DOES'NT CARE IF I END UP ON THE STREETS HOMELESS OR WHATEVER.---WELL FELLOW FRIENDS--THOSE ARE WORDS NOT ONLY SHOULD A (SO CALLED) MOTHER NEVER SAY TO HER CHILD,---THEY ARE WORDS THAT I WILL NEVER---EVER FORGET!!!!   NOR SHOULD I !!-------MY HEART IS SO VERY VERY HEAVY FROM HER WORDS AND WHATEVER.----I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE!   SERIOUSLY!~~~~SO, WITH THAT BEING SAID, I GUESS MY ONLY COURSE NOW AND/OR IN THE FUTURE IS TO GO ABOUT THE BEST I CAN.---IF I DO END UP HOMELESS BECAUSE THINGS ARE TOO HARD FOR ME TO MAINTAIN OR WHATEVER````` I'VE FIGURED THERE IS'NT ALOT I CAN DO ABOUT IT---BUT---I DID GIVE IT MY VERY BEST!!! FROM THE GET GO.----AND IF THAT'S MEANT TO BE--THEN IT'S MEANT TO BE.---RIGHT.-------WELL FRIENDS, I WON'T GO ON AND ON ABOUT THE PAIN AND MISERY I HAVE HAD SHOVED IN MY FACE, BUT I WANTED TO LET YOU ALL KNOW I WILL DO THE BEST I CAN OUT THERE ---WHEREVER I END UP.---AND WANT TO SAY ----YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN MY "ROCK OF GABRALTER" !!! THROUGH ALL THIS HELL~~~AND I THANK YOU!   IT MEANT MORE THAN YOU CAN KNOW.---OK.~~~~THANKS GUYS!

[spitfire989]

HEY SARAH.---YES, WE OR AT LEAST I DO,  FEEL SAFE ON THIS FORUM, SO THEREFORE WE SHARE--NOT TO MENTION--IT'S ALL PART OF WHO AND WHAT WE ARE--AS PEOPLE.-----YES, I DO INTEND TO GO ABOUT LOOKING FOR/OBTAINING A WAY OUT OF THIS HELL.--AND THE SMALL COUNCILING GROUP I JOINED ONLY MEETS EVERY 2 WEEKS, SO I LOOK FORWARD TO THAT SOON.----I KNOW I NEED TO LEAVE, CUZ I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.---ACTUALLY I'M SURPRISED I HAVE FOR THIS LONG.---I DO INTEND TO LIVE UP TO THE SCREEN NAME OF  " SPITFIRE'.---I INTEND TO SPIT- ON HER "FIRE"!---AND WHEN I DO, IT'LL BE OVER, ALL THE MEAN WORDS, WHATEVER OVER THE YEARS OR MORE INTENSELY LATELY.---I NEVER ASKED FOR MS--NOR DID I EVER ASK FOR HER TO BE MY SO CALLED MOTHER.---SOMETHINGS YA JUST CAN DO WITH OUT.--THOSE 2 ARE ON THE TOP OF MY LIST, I CAN TELL YA THAT.---AGAIN THANKS.---Liz

[spitfire989]

THANK YOU FOR YOUR KINDNESS.--YES, WORDS AND ACTIONS ARE VERY PAINFUL AND NOT TO MENTION WRONG.--HOWEVER, REGARDLESS OF HER CALLOUSNESS, I HAVE VOWED LONG AGO NOT TO BE THAT WAY WITH MY CHILDREN AND IN THE LONG RUN SHE CAN'T TAKE AWAY THAT FROME ME.--LORD KNOWS, SHE'S TRIED.---IF I HAVE TO GO OUT IN THE WORLD/STREETS/WHATEVER--SOLO----THEN SO BE IT.-----SHE CAN'T CONTROL ME OUT THERE, RIGHT?----AGAIN, THANKS FOR YOUR KINDNESS.---I'M GRATEFUL THAT I HAVE YOUR GUYS FOR MY SUPPORT, IT MEANS ALOT.-----spitfire

[spitfire989]

THANK YOU FOR YOUR RESPONSE.~~~YOUR RIGHT MY 'SO CALLED MOTHER NEVER DID BOND WITH ME.--NEVER HAS AND PROBABLY NEVER WILL..---TO HER AS SHE'S TOLD ME OVER AND OVER ~~~I WAS " DAMAGED" WHEN SHE ADOPTED ME.----WELL, THOSE WERE NICE THINGS TO HEAR AS A CHILD AND CONTINULY AS AN ADULT!~~~~sO, YES KNOWING THAT AND OR SENSING THAT GROWING UP, I ALWAYS TRIED TO DO THE BEST TO ' PLEASE' HER BUT IT WAS NEVER GOOD ENOUGH.---AND GOD FORBID I MADE MISTAKES ALONG THE WAY!~~~aLL SHE EVER WORRIED ABOUT THEN OR NOW IS HER MONEY, HER LAND, AND HER SO CALLED IMAGE IN THE COMMUNITY---AND HAVING THE LIKES OF ME FOR A DAUGHTER HAS BEEN AN EMBARRASSMENT~~~~SO I'M TOLD.~~~YES, I AGREE, I WILL HAVE TO DISTANCE MYSELF FROM HER, BUT THAT CONCEPT SCARES ME,--EVEN THOUGH I HAVE TO DO IT OR LEAVE.~~~NOBODY WANTS TO BE OUT THERE IN THIS WORLD---ALONE.~~~~I CAN TELL YA THIS, WHEN I SEE HOMELESS PEOPLE ON THE STREETS NOW, I HAVE A ' DIFFERENT' SET OF EYES THAT I LOOK AT THEM WITH.  YA KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?----WELL, AGAIN, THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND WORDS, AND AS LONG AS I CAN, I WILL KNOW I HAVE THE 'FAMILY' KNOWN AS THIS FORUM TO GET ME THROUGH WHATEVER IS IN STORE.--THANKS,  spitfire

[doni54]

Hey spitfire,

I've always considered myself to be blessed,  because I had wonderful loving parents.  I have never understood how any parent whether it be an adopted child or natural child, could hurt them intentionally.

I'm sorry you are going through all this, MS is plenty to deal with without all this emotional turmoil.  It's time for you to be selfish and take care of YOU!!

I know you can't forget the awful words that were aimed at you, but you can stand up and put yourself first.  Make being the person you want to be the most important thing to you.

I also think you need a support group that you can go to and sit down and vent all your frustrations to.  Hearing what others are going through can help you to deal with what's happening with you.

We are here for you, and you can vent to us anytime, but please try to find a group close to you, too.

Sending you all the best, spitfire.

Take care of YOU!!

Hugs,
doni

[Fluffysmom]

I understand your pain, the deep ache.  I was raised with "Oh, how could you do this to me!" everytime I did something the least bit wrong, like my mistakes were a personal affront to my mother.  I came to understand that she had problems, but it took lots of therapy to get past the feelings of worthlessness.

Lord, I tend to share to much on this forum!  Guess I feel safe here.

Anyway, spitfire, you just wait until that ache eases up a bit, and then live up to your screen name.  If you don't have a counselor or therapist, find one.  I don't know your financial situation, but it's probably a good idea to look into finding your own home.

If your income is limited or none, there are all sorts of programs to help people that are serious about NOT becoming homeless.  I have an apartment in low income public housing.  The rent is based on one's income.  It's run by the city, but also gets funding from the federal government, I believe.

Check into available resources.  I reached a point where I was on the verge of homelessness, living on $343 a month, when I was finally approved for Social Security Disability, moved to the top of the Housing list, and got my apartment, then was covered by Medicare.  I made some friends in my building; actually was the secretary for the Resident's Association for a while, and then met my best friend online; she needed someone to do some research for her.  I had plenty of time to do research!

I once told my mom that I forgave her, that she was just never meant to be a mother.  I have regretted doing that ever since.  It only feels good for a split second to hurt someone back, so try to avoid that.

Take good care of yourself.  You won't be alone while you process all this and chart your course for the rest of your life.  We're here.

Hugs,

Kathy

[Heather3418]

I was adopted within 24 hours of my birth.  So I understand the adoption thing.  Is it possible that your adopted mother never "connected" with you as her true daughter?  Never bonded with you?  I say this, because even though I did not find out I was adopted until I turned 52 years old, I always had the sense that my adopted mother never really "liked me."  For what reason I could never figure out.  I had to work especially hard it seemed to earn her respect.  It never came easy.

During the last year of her life, as she lay dying, our relationship began to turn around.  She looked to me for strength and compassion.  I guess I was one of the lucky ones in the long run.

But it's my opinion and my opinion only, that it seems your adopted mother has never bonded with you.  If you can, I would try to put some distance between you and her.  Her verbal abuse is not something you should allow in your life and does not seem as if it will change.  Instead of looking for her approval, you need to surround yourself with people that are more upbeat and will treat you like the human being you deserve to be treated like.

I know that getting out of her "house" may not be the easiest thing for you to do, but in the long run, it will go far to return your life to some sort of normalcy.  Her abuse you can do without.  Possibly for the rest of your time here on Earth.  You can choose to stay caught up in her web or find a way out.  It will be hard, but it's something you have to do for your own sanity and well-being.  

Good Luck to you...

Heather

[sllowe]

Hi Honey,

No-one deserves to be treated like this no-one. You are a child of God, and he loves you.  

I know you will never forget those words, but you don't have to believe them.  They are simply, not true.

You are an adult now, and you are going to make your own future.  I pray this includes talking to someone to further develop coping skills.  You are primed to receive it now. YOu know what you are facing w/your health.  You know it's just mean spirited.  It's a given that we are here by yourside now - k? But, it will be helpful to get a fair share of extra help where the cruelty is concerned. They have verbally beaten down your spirits, and I don't want you to beat yourself up over it anymore - k?

No beatings spitfire, don't beat yourself up.  You can overcome in time,
(((hugs)))
-Shell

[Sarahsmom46]

I wonder how life would be different if we were able to pick our families.  Alas, we get what we get and somehow learn to deal with it.  If we are really lucky we get a loving set of parents and great siblings.  On the other end of the spectrum, we end up with parents who are less than caring or loving and in that case we have to break that cycle and learn to be the best parents we can to our own children.  I'm sure you have done your best and that is all that anyone, especially yourself, can expect  you to do.  

Chin up lady.  You are amongst friends here.

Julie

[meg321]

Its just too bad that they have to to be like that, you dont need that in your life.  Just
take care of yourself and forget them.  I do know how hard it is to forget those words though, i went thru it also, so i know its very difficult.

Try to find other people and things to occupy your time, maybe a live supportt group.

God bless Sweetie..we are here for you.

hugs,meg

[spitfire989]

DON'T BE SORRY.~~BE SORRY, THAT GOD HAD CREATED SUCH MEAN SPIRITED PEOPLE AS MY MOTHER.````I HAVE FELT FOR SO LONG THAT MAYBE I WOULD OF BEEN BETTER OFF STAYING IN FOSTERCARE!~~~IF I KNEW THEN, WHAT I KNOW AND SEE NOW,---I'D OF RATHER STAYED IN THERE!```````EVEN THOUGH SHE WANTS TO MAKE ME LEAVE MY HOUSE CUZ SHE I GUESS TECHINCALLY OWNS IT AFTER SHE HELPED ME GET IT AFTER OUR HOUSE CAUGHT FIRE 2 YRS AGO, AND HAS TOLD ME SHE NO LONGER WANTS ME TO BE MEMBER OF THE FAMILY,~~~~YOUR RIGHT, WHEREVER I GO, WHEREVER I END UP, I WILL NEED TO THINK ABOUT MY HEALTH OR WHATEVER.-----AGAIN THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND WORDS.-----spitfire

[Lulu54]

Dear SPitfire,
I am so sorry to hear that this relationship continues to deteriorate.  You are wise in knowing that you have to focus on yourself now and work at keeping in the best health you can.

You know where to find us when you need us. Take care,
Lulu