how low can we go

[mokibear]

That line has been playing in my head for quite a while now. I know that depression can be common when one is not well, but I have also been experiencing other mood swings. I'm fine one moment and a real biatch the next. I just don't seem to have a happy medium any more. My patience is almost none existing and I'm getting worried as I start back to work soon and I need to keep my cool for work. I work with troubled teen girls so this is really something I need to fix and soon!!!! Any ideas? I'll lose my job if I can't hold it together.

The fatigue has been really bad too. I have so much work still to get done here before work starts and here I sit killing time as I don't have the energy to do what needs to be done. I slept 11 hours last night and I still have bags under my eyes that look like I'm off for a long vaction. lol My legs are still causing trouble and even though I get "better" days with them, they are never normal anymore. I don't know, maybe this isn't MS. I should have had a remission by now. This is just ongoing.

Well enough griping. I need to get outside and at least make an attempt at some stuff. Wish me luck. lol

Hugs to you all
Moki

[mokibear]

Thanks again to all of you for supporting me in this. Doni and Shell, I've sent you notes thanking you for your support but I do thank you again.

Jo, lol pushy little thing aren't you. I hang my head in shame. No I didn't go today. I instead went to my parents place to cut their lawn and help my dad with a shed he is building. My sister who is quite healthy but ever so busy, never has time to help him. So I went instead. I will go next Wednesday, I promise. He doesn't have a practice, he only works out of hospitals. He apparently rotates between a couple of them. He is there more than one day a week but Wednesday is the only day that is regular. I'll push him about maybe him having a colleague who might see me. One can hope. Thanks so much for caring Jo. You are the bestest.

Love ya bunches too
Hugs
Moki

[cjacks]

Moki

I was coring a pineapple just now and thinking of you and your dilemma about no doc.. then I remembered something about an ER doc on Weds....  and was that you who had mentioned it ??  so I started looking back through your posts and here it is

  Its WEDNESDAY !!    Are you going ??  Hm Hm ??   Pushing you out the door..  :)

I hope you go.  I care and want you to have the best and be the best .. maybe this guy can help.   If he is there only on Wed.  where is he the rest of the  time ?  Does he have a practice?  Does he have friends/colleagues who have practices relatively close?? It doesn't matter his/their field , you could find 'something' to fit the criteria.  . :) just to get in ..

Well , I've had my say..    ( no pressure ) maybe a little .

Love ya bunches

Jo



...

[sllowe]

Well, I'm going to the woods and bringing a cooler of beer, and if that doesn't work, I'm going to have to find someone or even a tree to scrap with to get it all out of my system.  I'll let you know if it works! LOL!

Seriously Moke, Doni, all responses above are better than mine, I'm no help these days w/this stuff, but adding myself to the boat.  Hope we don't sink the ship!

Love ya's!
-Shell

[doni54]

I could have written your original post!  I too am in limboland, but feel sure that I have MS, and others, whom I trust, feel the same.

My emotions seem to get worse by the day.  I have been snapping at my husband so much lately that he has gotten to where he just doesn't say anything to me.  Makes me feel like c r a p.

I also have tried the meditation thing, I can't shut my brain off long enough to accomplish any relaxation!!  I do have one CD of ocean sounds that helps me to relax, but it doesn't stop the brain gymnastics.  Seems like the instant my head hits the pillow it turns on a switch in my brain....think of everything you don't want to think about in triple time....ha..ha

I hope you feel better soon and finally get a dx.

Hugs
doni

[mokibear]

It was a lame joke but made me giggle, thanks Quix!!

In my heart I too do believe that this is MS. I mean they have ruled everything else out so there isn't anything left. But as of yet, I do not fit into their neat little box, so here I sit.

I told a dear friend that I don't like the person I'm becoming. I look in the mirror and don't recognize the person looking back. Yikes, I've become whiny!! Then there are those nasty mood swings that makes me look like a bear who got woke up too early from hibrination. Yes I too have just broke down bawling like a baby for no good reason. Man there are days this really does suck!!

I know there is real low that can be hit and I definitely don't want to go there so I will see about going to this one ER doc who seems to care. I found out he is only there on Wednesdays for certain so I'll go see him next week.


Thanks for your response Quix, at least I know that I am not truly going nuts!! lol (well maybe just a little)

Hugs
Moki

[Quixotic1]

Well, you know that I believe that you have MS.  But, for the whole forum, MS is well known to affect the emotions.  Specifically, MS directly causes depression, so much so, that an episode of major clinical depression that has occurred in the two years prior to diagnosis is considered the first attack (or an attack).

But, beyond depression itself, MS is very well known for causing volatile or labile emotions.  Moods that swing suddenly from one extreme to the other.  Families and friends need to be aware of this, so they don't dismantle you when you go postal on them.  One of the oddest effects has been known for more than the last century.  This is suddenly and inapropriate laughter or crying when the circumstances don't warrant it.  One of our early members told of becoming suddenly almost paralyzed.  She went to the ER with her husband and as he was helping her walk around the exam room, she began to laugh hysterically.  After running a drug screen to make sure she wasn't high, the (very astute) ER doc told her husband that they needed to rule out MS.

So, labile emotions, inappropriate emotions and depression are all known in MS.  They are part of MS. Not secondary results.

On a more serious note, how low can you go?  Suicide is higher in MS than it is in other more disabling neurological diseases, like ALS.  So, the answer is very low.  I recommend that you discuss this with the doctor I hope you will be getting soon.  It is an aspect of the disease we all need to be aware of.  Some AD's work better in MS than others.  I have worked my way through the whole lexicon of anti-depressants (familial curse even before MS) and for me, Effexor has been great.

I agree with your idea of being seen in the ER or a walk in clinic for this.  In MS depression is not to be taken lightly.

If athletes get Athlete's Foot, What do astronauts get?


Mistletoe.

Momma Bear

[mokibear]

Ada, sweetheart, I'll ride in the front or back as long as you are with me. I'm thinking if this doesn't get any better I may end up at the ER and ask them to give me something until I can get into the neuro. I just don't want to blow it at work. Not a good way to start the season off.lol Love ya too Ada

Sho, thanks for the name and site. I'll definitely look into it. I used to have no problem focusing but now...... Oh well. I think I just also need to work on it a bit more.

Hugs to you both
Moki

[shoshin]

If you're interested in meditation, you might also try the CDs by Jon Kabat-Zinn.

These are guided body scan or sweeping meditations so it might give your monkey mind something more to focus on. They seem to sell CDs at http://www.mindfulnesstapes.com.

The practice comes out of the Buddhist tradition, but I think he presents it in a completely secular fashion. He is a scientist and has done a lot of work using these practices with people in chronic pain and with other difficulties.

sho

[spastic]

Sweetie, there is nothing wrong with how your feeling.  I mean we have to go on that roller coaster ride, up and down and all around.  I wish you had a Dr so you could get some muscle relaxers and maybe a xanax or two.  There is nothing wrong with taking them, I have found that when I take mine with a muscle relaxer, it works really well keeping them spasms at bay.

I am with you on this roller coaster Sweetie, now do we want to sit up front or in the back?

Love Ya Mokibear,

Ada

[mokibear]

Thanks for your comments.  I have meditated before and have been trying to again but I seem to have this monkey mind that won't quit working. I just can't seem to relax enough. I may try to get a cd (don't have a mp3 sgt.) to try to help me out with this. I really don't want to have to take meds. I'm hoping that this is just a passing phase and that it will be gone soon. (wishful thinking on my part lol) Thanks again for all your advice, it truly is appreciated.

Hugs
Moki

[Wobbly]

Hi there, I know it's not easy with these mood swings.  I think we all can get them and when we aren't well, it's alot worse feeling.

it certainly doesn't help to add this on... When I get down which happens more then I'd like to admit to myself...I don't take Meds yet...yet...

I'm 54 and have been down alot in my life...up and down... so I've had it before I felt ill, so I learn't to ride the wave and when I feel down...I tell myself that it will get better...not easy... really not easy...

tell your Dr how you are feeling...

take care
andi

[Fluffysmom]

Hello there, Moki,

I was going to suggest meditation.  There are CDs and DVDs out there, my favorites by Pema Chodron and Thich Nhat Hahn, but if you haven't done much meditating before, it would be really helpful to take a class, where the instructor helps you relax and focus on the meditatiion.

I have found meditation very helpful; I started with the perimenopausal mood swings real early, and just bought some new CDs to see if they can help me now that I'm fatigued and frustrated and going through a few mood swings of my own.  Could be a touch of menopause going around, I don't know.

Sending you a hug and a smile,

Kathy

[sgtoverstreet]

Hi Moki,
I've also had some problems with moodiness and short temper, which is not my usual state of mind. One thing that has helped was a hypnosis mp3 download called house of deep relaxation. hypnosisdownloads.com

[mokibear]

Well got my basil done, now time for a break. lol At this rate it will be Xmas before I'm done everything.

Amy, no meds for the mood thing. I have found that it is just the last few months that I am having more issues with the mood swings. I had them before just not this bad. I snap over the stupidest things and that is not like me. Then once it's out of mouth and I realize what I did I feel just awful. The thing is that it's already a done deal. I'm trying hard just to keep my mouth shut when I'm feeling agitated.

Jo, I relate a lot to your daily symptoms. I just wish I knew with certainty what was going on. I wondered if maybe my hormones are out of whack. I'm almost 44 so who knows. Yay, something else to look forward to.lol You are helping me dear friend, you responded to this post and that means a lot to me. So for you I will smile!!! No family doc yet and can't get into the neuro till the end of Oct. I did fax her about the need for some meds for the spasms as the er docs don't want to do anything but she never responded to that. Sigh  Jokes, ya I'll take all the jokes out there. lol Thank you dearest for the light, laughter and love. Love ya too!!

Hugs
Moki

[cjacks]

Hey Sweet Thing

Oh , I don't know if you have to have a big let up on sx. to have MS . I had a couple of very good  days in Jan. and July..  That's it !   The rest have been crumby.  Fatigue , face pain and pressure always ,  weakness ,cramps etc. etc. etc.   I wake up feeling bad.  I can't tell most days if I'm depressed...  I sure as h e ll have every right to be and so do YOU.  

I do not have a clue on advice...  take a pill ....  meditate,,,,,  could it be hormones ..  thyroid ??   I heard if you consciously smile that will help lift your mood .. SMILE ! ( I can hear you now) .. ' Ya, right' ..  
  
You are such a sweetie , and I feel like I can't help you    aaaarrrrrrrrr  

You still have NO doctor??  Can you find ANY kind or a walk- in clinic ?  

We need to find some good jokes for you . Anyone got something for our Moki ?

Talk to you later.  Sending light , laughter and LOVE
Jo

[Amyloo]

Hi Moki,

I am quite familiar with the mood issues.  Do you take any antidepresants or mood stablizers?  Is this a significant change from your moods in the past?  Amy