Our bodies actually need for us to eat 5-6 small meals a day which helps with the digesting of food, movement of the bowel and control of the blood glucose/insulin. Try to eat a Heart Healthy diet which will give you the nutrients, vitamins and minerals your body needs, and help with possibly preventing future disease states. Heart Healthy diet which is a moderate fat diet and a moderate fat diet means = using polyunsaturated (omega 3, corn oil, nuts, etc) fats and monounsaturated (olive oil, canola oil, peanut oil, etc) fats, no saturated fats (high fat snack foods, butter, fat spreads) and no trans fats. Eat low fat meats (chicken, fish, loin of pork) or non-meat sources (soy products, nuts), low fat vegetarian combinations (rice & beans, pasta & beans, low fat cheese & pasta), low fat and substitute dairy products (1% milk, low fat/fat free yogurts, low fat soy milk/soy yogurt), use plant oils, non trans-fat margarines, and eat a lot of fruits and vegetables. Eat daily high fiber breads and cereals (oatmeal). This will give you fiber to help with bowel movements. Remember to drink lots of water with extra fiber. Hoped this helped you.
Please don't consider suicide. Your problem does not sound as serious as you might feel it is. Please see your doctor for him to evaluate you and run some tests. It could be as simple as nutrition or vitamin deficiency. We can't do everything on our own. You just need someone to guide you through this. Don't give up hope.