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Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Community
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Avatar universal

Advice for getting over "hocd"(or any ocd)

I have been reading quite a few posts here dealing with ocd, as I myself happen to suffer from this ailment. It has been with me for well over half my life, though I have only recently been able to understand what this is in actuality. I have suffered from harm ocd, rocd, philosophical ocd, and the oh so horrible sexual orientation ocd. I hope this list will be as helpful to you as it is to me, as writing this to help others is actually a form of personal therapy.
1- Don't put a label on yourself
While I had many horrible obsessions in my life, hocd shook me up the worst. I thought that the basis of who I was was altered, and that I was being led down a course of life that was against my will. I wondered where these false attractions could of come from in the first place, and I started blaming myself. When I found out about OCD, I was empowered, and my symptoms vanished for a whole 2 days. My mistake actually was reading about people who had "hocd", and applying their experiences to myself. I began thinking about myself in terms of hocd, not that I merely had a chemical imbalance in the brain. The label hocd became a crutch, and severely hindered me in my recovery. I started to get better when I realized to myself that I did not have "hocd", I merely had OCD. "Hocd" was a mere manifestation of many OCD variants that I had for more than half my life. In short, realizing I had a chemical imbalance in the brain that had nothing to do with my true personality gave me the power to fight this demon. Telling myself that I had homosexual ocd just made things more confusing. Stop focusing on the sexual aspect of this sickness. Simply look at these thoughts with the cold eye of a practitioner, and identity them as the ocd, not yourself. Also, if hocd is your first ocd variant, don't be discouraged. People are all different, and get ocd symptoms of varying natures at varying times in their lives. Also, this advice goes for any ocd, including pedophile ocd, or harm, or philosophical etc..
2- Realize these are irrational thoughts
Realize the origins of the thoughts, and that this obsessive worry is a irrational thing. My "hocd" thoughts emerged after I saw a picture of one of my fellow straight male friends dressing in a feminine manner, and saw certain other things around me that disturbed me. They also came right after I started to deal with my philosophical obsessions, and regain my freedom. Most of you guys with "hocd, or any ocd, are exactly the same. You were watching a online video, or heard a coming out story, or were high on pot and brushed your leg against another guy, or heard a story about a viscous murder, and let fear take control of you. The fact that a situation caused a certain thought in your mind does not suddenly make you gay or a murderer. Your brain might try to convince you of this, but it is not the case.
3-Dont give into compulsions
While at first it feels good to "prove" to yourself you are not gay, it gets worse. The thoughts demand more attention because they don't want to go away that easily, and as they become more intense, you will get more confused. In the end, the compulsions become relentless. You are forced to check out every guy or girl on the street, you are forced to list the reasons you are straight etc.. In the end, you will not be satisfied. If you dont give in, they will fly over you and will not harm you.
4-They feel real? So what!
When I suffered from harm ocd, I felt that it would be so easy to pick up a knife and stab someone to death. I hated it, but it felt real. When I suffered from philosophical ocd, I honestly felt that the world was a pointless computer simulation or dream. I hated and did not believe the feeling, but boy, it felt so real. And with sexual orientation ocd, my mind always told me that I thought that guy was attractive and I did not like girls anymore, and that I liked the sexual images in my head. I hated them, but I could not convince myself that I hated them because they felt so darn real. But it means nothing about sexuality.
5- Don't look into sexual reactions
Sexual reactions do not mean that you like a certain action. Nor does it mean that you are really turned on. There have been times when bad sexual thought have come into my mind, and I have had groinal responses and even a psychological rush. I have even had thoughts that the strange fantasy was not all that bad, even though I was full of anxiety and on a deep physical and spiritual level repulsed. If you are thinking about a sexual act, your brain will obviously go into sex mode, and if you are focusing on certain particular features or details (which is an ocd thing) then of course, after a while, you might have some kind of a response for these things. You have concentrated on them so much, that the mind deems them worthy of attention, and when you are stressed out, you don't know what is you or not you. It does not mean you are gay at all.  In reality, 90% of these reactions are caused by anxiety, and the other 10% is because you have been concentrating so much on sex that your trapped thinking in a sexual way.  Those feelings of "pleasure" are not real longings. They are a mix of anxiety and over sensitivity. I have at times completely been free of symptoms after ignoring the "reality" of the sensations. After a few days, you realize how stupid they were and you are back to normal.
6-Think of Beauty
The beauty of romance, love, children, family, and old age with the person you love now. We live in an over sexual society, that tells us that sex is whatever we want to make it to be, and that sex is the center of a relationship. I believe that when a man thinks about a woman as a mere sexual object, or a woman looks at a man that way, a certain moral compromise is made in the individual. When the grit and grind and lust of sex takes precedent, it looses it true pleasurable and mystical value. Porn does not help, and I believe that is one reason why so many people with hocd are having a horrible time. Porn involves two people using each other as masturbation devices in order to get money. For all with HOCD, and for people in general, AVOID PORN. True, healthy sex between a man and a woman is first grounded in love and responsibility, and a commitment to devote themselves to the other. It is not a casual fling. And when sex becomes a mere activity to satisfy certain sensations, who knows where it can take a person. When fighting against ocd, think of love in a pure sense. Men, think of the true beauty of a woman, think of her caring nature, the beauty of her hair, the wonderful thing that happens to you when she smiles after you say something funny. Women, think of a man that is responsible, that will respect your value and worth, and that will support you. Think of all things beautiful. Sex is a part of it, yes. But when you become a slave to sex, you are not that much higher than an animal. And I am not speaking from a pulpit, this is my personal experience with myself.
7-Live by Values, Dreams and Morals, not feelings
Live by a moral code, not a selfish yearning to want to lust and play around the way you used to when this ocd is all over. Live by something higher than yourself and your base drives, and you will see that everything falls into place. I know most people here are probably not religious, but as a Christian, I can personally testify that God is my main source of help in all of this. Even in my youth, Christ was the one that helped me through my struggles in such beautiful and inexplicable ways. I am not preaching, but I am leaving this door open to you anyway. I would feel fake and insincere if I did not do so. Look above your struggles and thoughts, and im telling you, you will see a difference.

I have the same struggles you do, and I have failed many times.But you have to keep fighting. These things have also helped me greatly, and have given me moments of victory. God bless, and peace to all:)
1 Responses
Avatar universal
That was really insightful and I’m glad you put this up on the forum because I have been dealing with HOCD for three weeks and maybe you can help me. A few weeks ago I was helping a girl with a return and I thought she was cute the way she was dressed and her shy personality and after I was done with her I went into a self battle with myself such as “oh my god. I thought she was cute does that mean I’m gay? Oh my god”. And since then it has gotten worse. It’s almost as if I’m starting to doubt my sexual orientation. In all my 24 years of being alive I have always been attracted to guys, been in relationship with guys, had sex with guys and married a guy. Point being I know I’m straight but it’s almost as if I’m at war with myself with my orientation. Like I know I don’t like girls but it’s almost as if I am starting to but I don’t want to. I just want to feel like a heterosexual again. If you can help me I would really appreciate it l. Thank you :)
5 Comments
This is classic OCD. This is all a certain set of feelings. it means nothing about your sexuality. Attraction is not always sexual, actually most of the times it is not. Males admire each others muscles. Girls admire each others hair. And they try to emulate these things for themselves. There is nothing sexual in it, it is just something about that girls personality or appearance that pleases you and that is that. There has to be something about our friends that attracts us, no? By golly, I am attracted to trees, dolphins, wolves, mountains and pierogi, but I can assure you I will not have sex with any of those soon.

  So my advice to you is don't give into compulsions, and don't worry about how you feel. If you are feeling gay, chances are that you are not gay. I am also fighting with this, and I can testify to what I am about to say from experiences of being free for substantial amounts of time. Allow the damn thoughts to live with you. Invite them for some tea. After realizing that you are not scared of the thoughts, the ocd will quiet down and fall asleep. Then, get on with your life. The OCD will wake up and want to play again, but always remind yourself that these thoughts are not your own, that they have no bearing on reality, and then get back to your life. Find a passion or interest. Love your husband. And live life morally, don't give into compulsions like porn. I know from experience that this is morally degenerating and hurtful. Peace to you and God bless you.:)
Thank you very much for your advice but I guess another question would be how to forget about when it feels real? Like my orientation has changed when I know my orientation?
Yes, I know how hard this is, believe me. It is scary, but really you need to embrace the "reality" of the thoughts. This does not mean you accept your gay. No, instead you allow them to live in your head, and allow the anxiety to build up in your system. Deep down, know that these thoughts are irrational, but don't react to them with stress and compulsions.
I have heard stories of people who have suffered so much with this ocd variant, that they convinced themselves that they were gay. Once they accepted the fact, very quickly they realized they were NOT
I dont suggest you go to that extreme but it shoows that this is merely an anxiety disorder. I know how bad this is, but I have had success by allowing the thoughts in my head and getting accustomed to them
In the end, you know your true orientation. If you were gay, you would not find out in your late teens or early 20's, and you would not be unsure of your sexuality, but still know that you are straight. You see the contradictions in your thinking? OCD creates make believe scenarios and contradictions that feel real but are just dust.
Also, I advise you not to always look for reassurance. Go a few days without asking anyone for reassurance and stop reading online blogs. Allow the gay feelings to build up, and they will rapidly dissipate.
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