Am i a lesbian or is this hocd?

[rachel9756]

I have been attracted to boys all my life. Obessed over them. Wanted to be with them. Love them. Marry them and have children. But recently, I had a sexual thought of a lesbian friend and it was arousing but i did not like it at all. then i got the question, "Am I a lesbian?" in my head. Ive been having anxiety and panic attacks in my head. When I'm with the boy i like it goes away but when im not it comes back. I dont want to be in any relationship with the girl but my mind keeps telling me "What if you fall in love with her". No offense she isnt really my friend and has a horrible personality and i do not want to be with her! Id rather die. My heart wants the boy i like and i think my brain is tricking me into liking her. seeing her scares the living **** out of me and i hate it. i dont know what to do.

[rachel9756]

did your brain trick you into liking something youd never like? i know they are false thoughts but they keep coming. im so scared and how did you get through your hocd??

[Mb14]

This is classic HODC Rachel. Take some deep breathes and relax. You say this goes away when you are with the boy you like and you don't like the thoughts of being a lesbian. A lesbian would enjoy those thoughts and would fantasize about being with another woman.

You are perfectly fine. Everyone has the same thought you did. Heck I did a few months ago and went through the same thing you did. Everything will be fine!