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This is my very first time posting a question on a forum. I apologize in advance if this is not the right forum to ask my question but I am not really familiar with them.

For a couple of years now, my father has been complaining about having anxiety. I told him that if he ever wanted to talk to someone he could talk to me, but for some reason he never wanted to tell me what was bothering him. It wasn't until a few days ago that he decided to open up on what was bothering him. He explained to me that he feels like people look at him funny.

That he feels as if he looses feeling on his face and walks "funny". I felt like there was something else that he wanted to tell me but he couldn't. So then he confessed that, he is afraid that people think that he is a homosexual. It did not make sense to me. Why would he be afraid of that? He then explained that he can't look at his male coworkers because he is afraid that they might think that he is checking them out. I asked him if he thinks that maybe he is gay and he told that he is not, but he can't control the fear of people thinking that he might be one.

I came out a few years ago, however, we have never dealt with that. It kinda got pushed under the rug and we never talked about it. I am afraid that maybe, me coming out has affected him, and what is going on is just the shame that he feels towards me. He asked me for help, because I am the oldest one of all of my siblings. I want to help and tell him that is normal to question his sexuality even at his 43 years. However, he is very stubborn and somewhere in his head he believes that this can go away by rising the levels of testosterone.

This has really affected him in various ways, he has lost two jobs already because he can't deal with people being around him and thinking that he is gay. He doesn't go out with friends anymore, and he always has a look of desperation in his face. I do not know what to do or how to help him. I made him an appointment to go see a therapist but he said that it didn't work. He wants medication, talking for him doesn't help.

Again I apologize if this not the right place to ask this question and I would appreciate it if I can get directed to the right forum. Thank you for your time and for your suggestions.
1 Responses
1699033 tn?1514116733
Hi there.  You being gay has no effect on your dad physically.  BUT mentally, for a person predisposed to OCD irrational thinking, you coming out could be a trigger for him.  He could be doing the "if it is genetic, then it had to come from somewhere" thing.  

Ideally your father should be seeing a psychologist to learn cognitive behavioral therapy.  From there they can discuss whether medication is indicated and if so, then he can be referred to a psychiatrist for a prescription.  Psychiatrists usually don't do talk therapy.  

Since HOCD (fear of being gay) is very, very common for people with OCD in general, I'm not surprised that this is a thought that he is having trouble with.  

Has he said he is ashamed of you or are you just thinking he is?  
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