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Blood in eye -- Serious OCD (about HIV)
Hi all!
I hope you're having a wonderful Tuesday! I have a (hopefully) short scenario for you...
I am a teacher in an urban school district. Today, one of my students was not listening to me so I gave him a warning. When the warning did not work, I followed through with my consequence (throwing object in the trash). As I was walking to the trash can, I thought to myself "If you do this something bad will happen", but I proceeded to throw the object away.
Fast forward a few hours -- I am downstairs in the kindergarten room and one of the babies has a noticeable cut on their chin from recess, which was about 15 minutes before this encounter (I highly doubt it was bleeding but still...). Anyways, now i'm freaking out about accidentally touching my eye (i'm not even positive if i did or not to be honest) after touching him. I know that I DEFINITELY did not touch his chin, but he did give me a hug when he saw me.
Around 40 minutes later, another teacher who always jokes about being so tired and retiring soon, told me that we have 3 months until summer break. For all my people with HIV OCD... you know that's when we get a definite answer from a test....
So this story all ties together...I am worried that I am being punished for throwing the object away. I legitimately do feel bad for throwing it away and probably should have made a better decision, but in the moment, it is sometimes hard to not get frustrated.
Any calming thoughts? I appreciate everyone! Thank you!
I hope you're having a wonderful Tuesday! I have a (hopefully) short scenario for you...
I am a teacher in an urban school district. Today, one of my students was not listening to me so I gave him a warning. When the warning did not work, I followed through with my consequence (throwing object in the trash). As I was walking to the trash can, I thought to myself "If you do this something bad will happen", but I proceeded to throw the object away.
Fast forward a few hours -- I am downstairs in the kindergarten room and one of the babies has a noticeable cut on their chin from recess, which was about 15 minutes before this encounter (I highly doubt it was bleeding but still...). Anyways, now i'm freaking out about accidentally touching my eye (i'm not even positive if i did or not to be honest) after touching him. I know that I DEFINITELY did not touch his chin, but he did give me a hug when he saw me.
Around 40 minutes later, another teacher who always jokes about being so tired and retiring soon, told me that we have 3 months until summer break. For all my people with HIV OCD... you know that's when we get a definite answer from a test....
So this story all ties together...I am worried that I am being punished for throwing the object away. I legitimately do feel bad for throwing it away and probably should have made a better decision, but in the moment, it is sometimes hard to not get frustrated.
Any calming thoughts? I appreciate everyone! Thank you!
Do you have access to a counselor either at work or through your school? I know where I work there is a staff assistance program where we can go and talk to a social worker for free. Stress makes OCD and anxiety in general worse and it looks like you are carrying a pretty full load.
I don't know of online therapists or support groups but you can google for those things in your area and see what you come up with.
There are some great books out there.
Self-Coaching by Joseph Luciani
Brain Lock
I don't know of online therapists or support groups but you can google for those things in your area and see what you come up with.
There are some great books out there.
Self-Coaching by Joseph Luciani
Brain Lock
I'm not currently in therapy, however, I completely agree. I am living my life in a paranoid/anxious state and it is not good. Every time my throat begins to hurt or another common ailment happens, I fear that I have contracted HIV.
I have a full-time job, and I currently am in graduate school. Do you know of any online therapists/ support groups? At least until things die down in the summer time.
I truly appreciate your kind words and am forever grateful for all the supportive people on this website.
I have a full-time job, and I currently am in graduate school. Do you know of any online therapists/ support groups? At least until things die down in the summer time.
I truly appreciate your kind words and am forever grateful for all the supportive people on this website.
Hello! Thank you so much for your reply. I have been diagnosed with OCD. However, it goes through flare-ups. It seems like whenever I get too happy, my OCD comes back.
I had another "incident" yesterday. While at a training, I was using the bathroom and wiped the back of my leg... but I can't seem to remember if i wiped my private area first or the back of my leg. So now, I am worried about that too. It seems like I can't win for losing. :(
Usually, over the course of the year, I am tested about 5 times. A few of the people know my face/name at the testing clinic (how embarrassing).
I had another "incident" yesterday. While at a training, I was using the bathroom and wiped the back of my leg... but I can't seem to remember if i wiped my private area first or the back of my leg. So now, I am worried about that too. It seems like I can't win for losing. :(
Usually, over the course of the year, I am tested about 5 times. A few of the people know my face/name at the testing clinic (how embarrassing).
Have you been diagnosed with OCD? You definitely have OCD to me if you are thinking that if you do one thing that a bad consequence could happen. I.e., throwing the object away = bad karma for something else.
First of all I applaud you for being a teacher. To me it is a very difficult job. You have to stand your ground because if you don't, you will lose control over your classroom. The students need to know you mean business. If you felt bad about throwing out the object then perhaps you could have thrown it in the trash and retrieved it after class and put it aside to be given back when you see the student acting in a positive manner. (not sure what you threw away).
Now to the baby with the cut. Do you know how HIV is transmitted? You need to have a cut and you would need to grind that cut against an HIV positive person's cut and then maybe, and it is a big maybe, you might get HIV. It is typically spread through unprotected intercourse with an infected person, IV drug use where needles are shared, accidental needle sticks for those people in the medical profession. HIV dies when it hits the air. It can only live in a host. Think of it this way...if I take a needle with HIV tainted blood in it and jab it into my arm, I have less than a 0.5% chance of getting HIV. It is very hard to get actually and we ought to be thankful for that.
How many times do you test throughout the course of a year?
First of all I applaud you for being a teacher. To me it is a very difficult job. You have to stand your ground because if you don't, you will lose control over your classroom. The students need to know you mean business. If you felt bad about throwing out the object then perhaps you could have thrown it in the trash and retrieved it after class and put it aside to be given back when you see the student acting in a positive manner. (not sure what you threw away).
Now to the baby with the cut. Do you know how HIV is transmitted? You need to have a cut and you would need to grind that cut against an HIV positive person's cut and then maybe, and it is a big maybe, you might get HIV. It is typically spread through unprotected intercourse with an infected person, IV drug use where needles are shared, accidental needle sticks for those people in the medical profession. HIV dies when it hits the air. It can only live in a host. Think of it this way...if I take a needle with HIV tainted blood in it and jab it into my arm, I have less than a 0.5% chance of getting HIV. It is very hard to get actually and we ought to be thankful for that.
How many times do you test throughout the course of a year?
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Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Condoms are the most effective way to prevent HIV and STDs.
PrEP is used by people with high risk to prevent HIV infection.
Testing keeps you in the OCD loop. You have a thought, you catastrophize it, you test to make yourself feel better, you get the result, doubt starts to creep in or you find some other scenario, and then you are back at the thought again. No good can come from an OCD person doing countless HIV tests when there is no real exposure at all. Not even close to a real exposure.
I'm going to address the restroom one time and that is it. Think about how many women use the rest room. Think about using the rest room and how many women are on their period that you don't know about. Guess what....we don't get HIV from using the women's rest room! It just doesn't happen. Be thankful for HIV not being spread through casual contact and go and get the help you need.