Body rocking

[Pauledh]

Hi,

I wonder if anyone could help me figure out something... Up until about 4 years ago I would body-rock. Im now 34, from the age of I realy dont know when... since my memory started at the age of say 2 i would body rock. I'd lie on the floor and rock for between a few minutes up to 6 hours or more. I'd rock on the floor and day dream and it seems that the rocking motion would help me day dream and I'd end up in almost in a trance. It completly messed up my education... instead of studying I'd body rock and dream whenever possible.... I mean I was totaly addicted to it, it may seam strange but it got worse from childhood. Im my teens and twenties i spent most of my spare time doing this, once I got to the age to start listening to music I'd body rock with music playing, with the different type of music depending one what i wanded to dream about or vice versa. It could be for the whole weekend and I've lost so much my life doing this.... You would'nt believe. I don't believe I'm autistic... i dont seem to show any other signs... I have a good career now and live a happy life but I'd like to understand what happened to me for all those years.

I'm not entirely sure this is the right forum, maybe it should be mental health but if anyone could help me understand I would much appreciatre your thoughts! If not i will try the other forums. Thanks for your time

[Luellaxellie]

Funnily enough life hasn't been miserable. I've managed to do things around my Habbit. Just not half as much as I should have. It's just that the compulsion to rock has increased rather than decreased with age. I can break away from it for exciting things. It's when life is dull that it takes over. When the kids are at school it's very dangerous for me to begin rocking at 9am because I may not stop until it's time to collect them. I need somewhere to go to take my mind from it. I'm able to work again now that the kids are in full time education, that will help. I haven't seen a phycologist yet, it's on my to do list. I always feel upset when I seek help and am not taken seriously.

[JGF25]

Have you seen a psychologist to get some help?  It really does seem to have made your life pretty miserable except for the "High" that you say you get from it.  Sometimes things go on for so long that we forget what it feels like to be "normal" or feel good actually without all this drama in our lives.  

[Luellaxellie]

Before I had kids I wouldn't bother meeting people because I would rather sit in my flat and rock for the entire weekend. Now that I have the responsibility of my children's happiness I can motivate myself to take them out almost every day, but my house is unorganised, I haven't made a picnic so I'll have to buy food, I'm late, or not ready if I'm being picked up.
That's why I feel guilty with the kids, because I'm not organised. It's always last minute.
If I didn't have the kids I would rather not bother at all.
I failed at school because of rocking, but was able to complete a 2 year course at college. I just about manage things that are important in a really Un organised way. I don't bother with things that are not important enough, which has included friendships unfortunately. I'v never had a real friend. My mother is my only friend.

[Luellaxellie]

I've done it my entire life. Since I was able to sit. I learned how to stand and walk without doing it but couldn't control it when there was music on. For example school assembly. I'm more comfortable rocking than being still, and if I could I would do it constantly. When I do allow myself to rock I feel a huge rush of happiness and comfort. I obviously get stressed like anyone and rocking helps distress, but it's not why I do it. I don't feel like myself if I don't do it. I use it to figure things out and talk problems through my head and also go into a trance like daydream. The thing is its a bit like an addiction to drugs, it's hard to control it. For example if dinner is cooking in the oven, but I'm in the middle of rocking, I sometimes cannot tear myself away from it and will allow the food to burn rather than interfere with my rocking high. Sounds silly I know. But the high I get from rocking is what I need to be happy in life. I am currently 3 days into my not rocking campaign (I've tried this hundreds of times, keeping busy) my house is clean I'm organised. If only I can keep it up!! But I'm hand wringing, and crying and upset and I'm walking into rooms and standing nervously unable to think properly. If I can get to evening a glass of wine will help the craving, because I cannot rock when under the influence of alcohol.

[JGF25]

It is a way for you to relieve stress.  Since you say your are unorganized, unsocialable, and it is unfair to your children, perhaps you should seek out a psychologist that can teach you other ways to de-stress.  Meditation videos, long walks with your kids.  When you get the urge to rock, find something constructive to do.

[Luellaxellie]

I can't stop doing it either mark. Like you I admire people who do, but for me it seems almost impossible. It makes me happy, the best feeling in the world. I'm a 33 yr old female with 2 small children and I sneak body rocking into my life wherever possible. It makes me hate myself because I'm unorganised in my life because of it. I'd rather rock than meet up with people and be sociable and it's unfair on my children. It really does seriously interfere with my life, but my doctor didn't take me seriously. Nobody does really. Alcohol seems to help ha. I can't rock when I'm tipsy :) so that sorts the evenings. But during the day it is too easy for me to put some music on (louder the better) and sit with my legs tucked under my bottom and sway side to side in my own world for as long as I can get away with it.