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Contamination fear of ex-boyfriend's semen/penis "essence"

When I decided to break up with my ex boyfriend, I decided to remove my bed sheets as I hadn't washed them after the last time we had sex. It was too late at night to wash the sheets so I put them on my very messy floor. After that, I was afraid that my belongings that had been underneath the dirty sheets on the floor may have come into contact with the part of the sheets his penis/semen touched, and that by touching those belongings of mine I would get some of his germs or essence from his penis/semen on me. i wasn't afraid of becoming pregnant, instead I was afraid that touching something with an essence of his penis/semen on it after we broke up without his permission would be a kind of sexual assault. I was also afraid of later his essence still being on my things weeks later, as I have been reluctant to clean my belongings or touch them. I can't even touch things that I touched after accidentally touching those things. For example, after having sex one time when my hands had come into contact with his penis/semen I played games on my iPad. I didn't wash my iPad while we were still together after that because I didn't have a fear of contamination, and after we broke up I figured it may be irrational to wash my iPad after that length of time had passed but now I can't stop obsessing about a month after breaking up that my iPad still has his "essence" on it especially after I was on my iPad after touching my "contaminated" belongings that touched those original dirty sheets. I also can't masturbate or anything after touching these things without excessively washing my hands in case having his "essence" on me may be some kind of sexual assault. Is anything I'm saying rational? Is anything I'm saying irrational? Help please! The only way to fix this is to clean my room, which would involve touching those contaminated belongings and therefore become contaminated myself, possibly so much that the contamination won't be confined to my hands and the only way to clean myself would be to take a show ever which I can't due because the contamination would wash over my naked body which also seems like a kind of sexual assault. Help!!!!
1 Responses
1699033 tn?1514113133
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there.  Let me tell you right off that you are being irrational on all accounts.  The statement  "I was afraid that touching something with an essence of his penis/semen on it after we broke up without his permission would be a kind of sexual assault" makes no sense.  But hey, people with OCD usually don't make sense and that is from my own personal experience!  You have a contamination problem at the least.  My suggestion to you is to contact a psychologist in your area that deals with OCD/anxiety.  You need to learn that these thoughts are just that...thoughts and that nothing you have explained can hurt you in anyway.  Let me know how it goes.  
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