I'm a 19 year old male, currently in my1st year of studies at varsity. I've always been sexually attracted to women and for as long as I can remember have always been turned on by females. I had never gotten into a serious intimate relationship up until this year when i started at varsity. During high school I had a few random hook ups but it never really went further than a bit of touching. Halfway through last year I started to question my sexuality a bit. I guess that the thought of being able to tell whether a guy was good looking or not really freaked me out! I got over it quite quickly though, I guess I just kinda took it as a natural part of growing up. When I got into this relationship this year things got really intense really fast. I had gone from having very little sexual activity in my whole life to a lot of it very quickly. Around about the time me and my girlfriend first started having sex I realized that sometimes I would get very nervous or anxious, maybe even a little scared, around her and this worried me to death. I began to question everything, especially my sexuality. It got to the point where I was obsessing over it and I started to force myself to think things I really didn't want to and became very unhappy with myself. I was unhappy with myself even though I knew I had everything a person could want, a supportive family, good friends, an amazing and beautiful girlfriend and I was living the student life. So on top of being unhappy I was unhappy with myself for being unhappy. Anyways I went through a couple of really rough months and eventually stumbled across the whole "fear of intimacy" thing which I realized was probably the source of my nerves when being intimate with my girl. Things got better once I confessed all of this to my loved ones and the nerves are now gone, however I can't stop obsessing over my sexuality now. I had spent so much time and energy questioning everything and now I really just cant get my mind back to the point where I'm no longer obsessing about my sexuality and questioning myself. I recently have been reading about HOCD and a lot of it applies to me I think. Sometimes sexual thoughts about men pop into my mind however they do not feel like fantasies, are not sexually arousing and just feel really intrusive. I also relate to what one article said about how when questioning yourself you start to look back on events in the past and see things in a completely different and worrying way, even though there was no problem there at all. One of the big issues I was also struggling with was the thought that if I was gay I would have to break up with my girlfriend. I thought these obsessive and questioning thoughts MUST mean I'm gay even though I'm having regular sex with my girlfriend who tuns me on a lot. As an example last Friday I went to her place to visit, we relaxed and talked and had sex and at the time it was amazing and I was happy, however a little while after I left the insecurities came back to me and I felt awful again. A couple other symptoms of OCD seem to apply to me. For a long time I've had obsessive thoughts such as hearing words and then in my head spelling them out on the keypad of a mobile phone. I've also had intrusive sexual and sometimes a little violent thoughts for a long time, however I never made anything of them and just went on with my life. I must confess that I was exposed to and began watching pornography at a very young age and I believe this might be where the intimacy issues come from. I have really gotten to the point where I am sick of worrying and just want to be comfortable with myself again but I need to understand what the problem is here. Do you think this is a case of HOCD which just got really really out of hand because I was dealing with the intimacy issues as well as getting into a sexual relationship so fast? Or do you think there could be something else that's the matter?