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Fear after Washing genitals

Recently I've become really afraid of washing my genitals. I have somehow convinced myself that I'm diseased down there, although both my boyfriend and I were virgins before we slept together and had had no kind of sexual contact with anyone else. It's only since I started noticing an itch down there every month around my period that I started to get scared. Also I had a patch on my lip that I thought was a cold sore but turned out to be eczema, otherwise i've never had a cold sore and neither has my boyfriend. We are faithful to each other, so why am I so afraid of infecting myself or someone elae after I wash my vulva? I will dread showers and baths and after washing I wash my hand for 60-90 seconds, I also can't touch any of my used underwear, and if any urine leaks through toilet paper while I'm wiping I will freak out. I know this is an irrational fear and I was totally fine before I started looking up genital herpes and oral herpes. The fact that it's possible to spread herpes without knowing you have it is terrifying me. Please, what can I do?
I've been told that I do not need to get tested for stds or stis because of my long term monogamous relationship so I can't really find out if I am clear without someone telling me that I'm wasting the clinic's time.
I just wanto to be able to enjoy a bath or a shower again, and also be able to touch myself without having to vigorously wash my hands afterwards, until I'm red raw.

2 Responses
1699033 tn?1514113133
People with OCD tend to think irrationally.  Have you been diagnosed with OCD?  What other thoughts have you gotten stuck on?  
When I was younger I had OCD, I remember as a 5 year old I would turn the lights off countless times otherwise I thought something bad would happen, also I washed my hands excessively, but I gradually got better and nothing really affected me until I left for university. Now it's started back, it's mainly a fear of hurting my loved ones through worrying that I'm not clean and i'll somehow infect them and make them ill. It feels like it's just a phase but it's so hard to get myself to think straight and it's really affecting my life
I've also been stuck on thoughts like public bathrooms being riddled with horrible diseases; being afraid of having stepped in blood or feces on the street; and when I was younger I used to be terrified of going blind too. All these passed after time but my current obsession is becoming so irritating and I can't stop thinking about it!
1699033 tn?1514113133
You gave me a big clue...."nothing really affected me until I left for university."  What people don't realize is that stress can take an OCD person down the dark road.  Even if you don't feel outwardly stressed, subconscious stress can do it as well.  I think that is why you are having a flare up.  You need to learn how to let these things go.  You do this by learning cognitive behavioral therapy from a psychologist.  It is the very best first starting place.  From there you and your psychologist can come up with a treatment plan.  

Here is a book that deals with obsessive thinking.  OCD changes over time.  Take a look at this book and if you can't see a psychologist, perhaps a counselor at your school is possible for you.  

Let me know.

I was thinking it wa something to do with stress too, especially that i'm in my last year and have a massive workload.
I feel really ashamed of it and don't feel like I could talk to a counsellor or anything, I've only spoken to my boyfriend about it, and luckily he is very supportive.

I will definitely have a look at that book, thank you so much for your help! X
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