Recently I've become really afraid of washing my genitals. I have somehow convinced myself that I'm diseased down there, although both my boyfriend and I were virgins before we slept together and had had no kind of sexual contact with anyone else. It's only since I started noticing an itch down there every month around my period that I started to get scared. Also I had a patch on my lip that I thought was a cold sore but turned out to be eczema, otherwise i've never had a cold sore and neither has my boyfriend. We are faithful to each other, so why am I so afraid of infecting myself or someone elae after I wash my vulva? I will dread showers and baths and after washing I wash my hand for 60-90 seconds, I also can't touch any of my used underwear, and if any urine leaks through toilet paper while I'm wiping I will freak out. I know this is an irrational fear and I was totally fine before I started looking up genital herpes and oral herpes. The fact that it's possible to spread herpes without knowing you have it is terrifying me. Please, what can I do?
I've been told that I do not need to get tested for stds or stis because of my long term monogamous relationship so I can't really find out if I am clear without someone telling me that I'm wasting the clinic's time.
I just wanto to be able to enjoy a bath or a shower again, and also be able to touch myself without having to vigorously wash my hands afterwards, until I'm red raw.