Going crazy

[micah224]

I have always had OCD, but it's starting to take over my life. As a nurse, I felt that the disorder actually made me better in my field- always double checking, having some doubt, being very detail-oriented, etc.  In the last few years, however, I have also started suffering from increasing levels of anxiety and- most probably- depression.  Headaches, stiff muscles, and an overwhelming sense of dread are all aspects of most jobs at times, but I'm to the point now when I get so anxious that I feel short of breath or too upset to eat.  Complicating the matter is that I deal with sick people all day- a job that I really do love- but my OCD is now stepping up and combining my anxiety-induced symptoms and super-imposing them with any horrible disease you can think of (cancer, HIV, etc)... I know it's completely irrational, but I can get the doubts out of my head, even with good blood work and negative testing. I can't sleep, I have to force myself out of the house on my days off... not easy being on this end of the spectrum.

[nycdreamer]

Ocd+is+tricky.but+to+the+educated+mind+it+is+powerless.the+best+thing+i+can+tell+u+to+do+is+take+action.+go+do+your+job.+Tell+yourself+u+dont+give+a+hoot+if+ur+exposed+to+germs.fight+through+the+stress.+Take+normal+precaution+but+other+than+that+just+have+an+i+dont+care+attitude+towards+it.+and+after+doin+this+4+a+few+weeks+u+should+c+a+drop+in+ur+stress+level.always+be+willing+to+read+and+find+out+new+things+about+ocd+and+u+can+beat+it

[MentalMayhem]

Personally I wish all nurses were as careful as you. I shudder at all the times the nurses and even doctors were not being professional in being sanitary.

But that aside, I'm sorry yo have to go through this. I know what it feels like to find it easier to just hide away from the world rather than face it.

[With_hope]

This meditation actually helps you remember how to relax and let go. They really re-teach you how to relax and be happy and free again.  You can start to notice when you are letting the stress and anxiety take over...They teach you how to SHUT OFF the crazy voice in your head that stresses over every little thing it chooses. Take back your voice....you have the power within yourself girl.  If you do these you can take back the power in your life and be an even better nurse than you were before. I used to see a shrink that worked with me on these and maybe you would benefit from some guidance. Good luck and much peace and comfort to you during this experience in your life!

[With_hope]

Hi dear, I used to want to be a nurse soooo bad. Congrats to you and don't let this crap ruin your hard work.  Have you ever tried using any meditation techniques? I used to do them but I have 3 kids so it's hard to find quiet time. There are some good books that you can find online that will help with some specific techniques.  I can walk you through one now. First get into a comfortable chair.  Close your eyes take a few good deep breaths now. For the hardest part. Focus only on your breathing. How it feels while you inhale through your nose feel it burn deep in your chest. Don't allow your brain to think of anything else. When you notice yourself thinking any intrusive thoughts....infection, what i'm going to cook for dinner etc....simply pull your focus back to your breathing.    FOCUS intently only on your breathing, feel your mind wonder away it's ok just bring it back to your breathing.     Slow deep breaths.....do it 20 minutes a day Also for the tension   lay in bed and start your slow breaths....now go through every muscle group in your bod...you should know them cause you are a nurse.   Go through each muscle group and focus only on    completely relaxing and letting all the tension out of them. There are some great books on this and I know from experience that they work.  You just have to committ to doing them.  

[JGF25]

I absolutely feel your pain.  OCD can be managed just as you did for quite a while.  I had a good run of no medication and manageable OCD myself for quite a few years.  Unfortuantely, we are never OCD free.  

Increased stress in our lives exacerbates the OCD to the point where we literally find ourselves falling off the OCD cliff so to speak.  It looks like you have found that cliff.  

When the OCD viscious cycle really gets going it does lead to anxiety and then to depression.  I mean who wouldn't be depressed having to deal with this every day.  I lost 12 pounds in 3 weeks.  

It seems to me that you are now at the point where you need to seek professional help.  You can go the CBT route, cognitive behavioral therapy, which can be taught by a psychologist or you can go the medication route.  A lot of people find that both CBT and medication works really well.  

I don't know how you feel about medication but there are a lot of them out there that work very effectively for OCD.  Usually an SSRI is prescribed.  Prozac, Zoloft, etc.  

This is what I found works for me, and just so you know, your post above could have been something I wrote about myself.  I learned CBT years ago the first time my OCD got out of control.  I also took Prozac and Klonopin.  Once the Prozac was in my system I was able to stop using the klonopin.  Then I was medication free for probably a little over 10 years.  I still had my problems but I could control them with the CBT I learned.  This past May, I found the cliff myself again and I now take Wellbutrin and klonopin.  Klonopin at night so I can sleep.  I knew I could get better because I had done it once before.  So I went into it with that attitude and I am now myself again.  Wellbutrin is not typically used for OCD but it has worked for me.  

So I encourage you to seek professional help so that you can get back to your life again, helping people without the anxiety of all that irrational thinking.  You WILL get better, you just need outside help this time around.  

Post again if you have any more questions or just want to talk.